Sunday, October 07, 2007

Homemade Implements

Thank you to the HOHs who have sent details on how to make various implements!

Below is a description of their craftsmanship.

Eric wrote:

Some ideas on making paddles.

A good paddle is, in my opinion, like a good woodworking tool. It is well balanced, solidly constructed, comfortable and safe to use. In short, it does the job it is intended for and becomes a pleasure to use (at least for the HOH). This is one very good reason for making your own since shop bought paddles are unlikely to have all of the right features to suit you. Another reason is that it is a simple construction that is well within the skills of anyone with even modest woodworking experience. My personal preferences are for paddles that are:

  1. Constructed of a good quality wood – I usually recycle "found" hard woods from a variety of sources and some of these are excellent for the job. They are dense, so are more effective during punishment but even more important, they can be shaped and smoothed without any splits or splinters so often found in cheaper woods. They are also beautiful and can be kept in top condition with a little olive oil. I would avoid Mahogany because it is likely to split in use. Some of the modern hard woods used in chopping boards are good because the manufacturers have already thought about durability, splitting, warping and visual appeal. They are also cheaper than shop bought paddles and can be sustainably sourced.
  2. Shaped with a curve on one side and flat on the other. This is best done with a spoke shave or draw knife and finished off with a plane. This is not essential but it does give a variety of sensation during use and is a sign of quality.
  3. Quite long, approximately 12-14 inches in total length. This gives good leverage and swing.
  4. Not too wide, approximately 3-4 inches. A narrower paddle is easier to swing and stings more sharply.
  5. Quite thick to ensure a solid finish that is unlikely to split.
  6. Made with a rounded handle rather than one that is the same thickness as the paddle itself. This is easy to achieve by gluing the spare cut from either side of the handle onto the handle and again shaping with a spoke shave. If you want to make a proper job that will last a lifetime, drill two countersunk holes through this sandwich and rivet with brass, just like a Chef's knife handle. Try to make the handle an appropriate size for your own hand. If that technique does not appeal, then what about a whipped handle? Whipping (in this context) simply means binding the handle tight and evenly with waxed twine as found on some sporting bats or yachting ropes. I suggest you try out some kitchen implements to see which handle size and shape is best.
  7. Finished to a high quality. This is much easier with hard woods, especially if care is taken with sanding. Hand sanding from 90 through to 400 grit sand papers is ideal. If your wood is porous then cellulose sanding sealant can be bought from any woodturning specialist shop or the better hardware shops. This fills the pores before sanding and gives a much better finish.
  8. Untreated with varnish. What is the point of putting all that care into making a fine wooden paddle and denying yourself and your woman the tactile pleasures of the wood itself? If you want a dry polish, then a little furniture or bees wax is excellent. My preference is a drop of olive oil occasionally which soaks into the wood, keeping it supple. You can even introduce the maintenance of the paddle's polishing as a discipline :)
  9. Plain. However, if your carving skills are up to it and you want to name it, then a small inscription at the junction between the handle and paddle is a good idea. If you have not tried it before I suggest plenty of practice as this is the area you are most likely to make a mistake on.

There are no hard and fast rules to design, finish or dimensions. However, whatever the final design you choose, like craftsmen of old who made their own woodworking tools, there should be a pride in the workmanship that will signal to your woman that you have put love and care into it just like the love and care that will go into its application. This is the main reason for making your own paddle – your authority as HOH will be enhanced and your woman will feel she is being intimately disciplined by a caring person who loves her enough to take care of even the smallest details.

User577 wrote:

All the raw materials I purchased were from Wal-Mart, Home Depot, or Tractor Supply. The biggest thing I learned is that the simplest things are the best. They also cost next to nothing. The total cost of the finished items was about $75. The most expensive single item to make was the metal handled flog. The easiest was the plastic coat hanger. All of the items are very portable. Everything is safe; the possibility of injury is proportional to the force of the strikes or the duration of the spanking. I rank the items about medium on the noise scale. Someone in the next room would know what's going on but someone down the hall wouldn't. That is separate from the noise of the recipient though, which could be much louder. None of the items took more than an hour to make. Most took much less. Most of the items run to the “stingy” side and don't require much force to use.

There are 2 overall winners based on all of your criteria: the “carpet beater”and the plastic coat hanger. The plastic coat hanger can deliver quite a bit of sting and is very responsive to the amount of force in the swing (i.e. light swing=light sting, hard swing=lots of sting). The only modification was the clipping of the actual “hanger” part. To use it, just hold one end and land the other where you want to put the love. The force seems to be restricted to the “U”-shaped end. It's not very loud but does make a lovely “swish” as it cuts the air. The “carpet beater” as I call it (to camouflage it's real purpose) is inspired by the “loppy-johnny” you have pictured. It was made by taking two 3ft. lengths of coax cable (the cable that connects TV's, DVD's, etc.), folding them in half, and securing the end with duct tape to make a handle. It is about the same diameter as the coat hanger but has more “oomph”. It also appears stiffer than the loppy-johnny. This comes from the wire core and shielding. It holds its shape but is somewhat flexible. I think the total cost is around $6. It was free for me because I had so much extra around.

The wooden yardstick gets an honorable mention. It was about $3, it needed no modification, and it appears very vanilla. It extends my reach and probably delivers more thud than the other items. It also serves double-duty as a crop or pointer for me when I'm administering discipline. The only drawback is portability. In a pinch, you could just buy one when you get where you're going and just leave it behind when you're done.

The winner in the portability and noise department is the “Catholic discipline”. It is just a small flog for self-flagellation. I got the idea here: This one is made from a wooden bracelet and four 6 ft. leather shoe laces (cut to 3 ft. lengths). It is also stingy and could be made from a variety of materials.

The plastic shoehorn was $1-$2 and is very light weight. It seems better for delivering love and discipline to more tender parts of the anatomy because even a hard swing won't generate as much force. It can be more stingy or thudy based on the technique used.

The metal handled flog is the most elaborate and expensive single item. The total cost was about $14, mostly because of the pipe. It could be made cheaper and lighter with PVC pipe. The handle is made from a piece of galvanized pipe, a cap, and a reducer. All of the parts thread together and it's wrapped in rubber grip tape. The working end is made from window screen spline cut to about 20 in. lengths. The pieces of spline are squeezed through the reducer and glued together to stay in the handle. The spline itself is about ¼ in. in diameter and has lengthwise ridges. The cross section looks like a 10-pointed star. I don't know if the ridges contribute anything to it's feel but they sure look menacing. This tool requires care on my part because it generates a lot of power with little effort. We still haven't taken it to it's maximum capacity yet.

~C~ wrote:

Unfortunately, I have had to delete/edit some of the above post since the corresponding pictures sent by the poster could not be loaded by blogger. I have only edited/deleted the parts which were referring to the pictures.

An engineer wrote:
(from comments)

Someone asked what to use to make a Loopy John. Try a thin power cord. In the USA it is called "Zip cord." Size 18 is thin; 16 and 14 are thicker. This is oval since there are two wires and each is surrounded by rubber insulation. It can be used as the double but it is more consistant if the Zip cord is split first and then used as single pieces. MAKE SURE THE METAL IS TOTALLY COVERED.

Another possibility is to use a thin metal hanger just the way it is. If the buttocks is hit with just the last few inches of the "C" part, parallel to the buttucks, at exactly the right angle, it behaves like a miniature cane, stings with a deep sting and nasty bite, and then leaves a nifty red mark ten to twenty seconds later. A few degrees off and only the tip of the "C" will mark and the pain will be much less. It will take some experimenting to get the angle and the intensity of the stroke correct. Practice EASILY at first and get lots of feedback from your bottom. Or practice on yourself on your inner thigh. A picture is worth a thousand words. Remember you should be LOVING your spouse or significant other. The hanger is almost silent. The bottom's gasp will certainly be louder than the actual sound of the hit.


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