Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Healing Process

My darling R,
I'm so sorry I've stopped blogging weekly and haven't been doing my chores... in truth I've been somewhat depressed. Coming together again 2 months ago was fantastic to start with (almost like a whirlwind romance) but there was little to sustain it... I simply found that I had lost total respect in you, which is vital for a Ldd relationship. Your affair, child you fathered and constant financial strain from the CSA put a tremendous amount of pressure on me resulting in my bad moods and negative attitude towards you and everyone arround me... you said yourself in the city when I came down to see you but secretly met up with "A" that you no longer knew who I was.... I wanted you to punish me for meeting "A" behind your back but you let me off scott free!! You said that you were too hurt. Firstly, this is no deterrent to further misbahaviours, since I flirted shamelessly at my school reunion... Secondly, I did not feel loved or supported by your nonchelant attitude. I was left cold,isolated and alone!
Perhaps you thought that that should be my punishment, but don't forget that this is EXACTLY the way I was punished as a child and such actions resulted in me getting Expelled from two well known public schools!
I feel the same fustration with you I felt as a child. My behaviour is becoming reckless... did you even know or guess that I have spent £15,000 on eBay in the last 3 years?? Do you even care?? I BEGGED you to block eBay and you don't... our son has offered to do this for you... is he HOH or are you?? I have been feeling like a naughty child who is pushing the boundaries... you are right darling you are far too soft in your DD and you are never consistent. I need strong corrective procedures put in place and the paddle ( my least favoured instrument used when I err.) When I start grimmacing I do not want you to say "It's OK darling, I won't hit you too hard." What kind of punishment is that??
It MUST be hard and long. I want to be able to cry with pain and remorse!!
I have recently read articles which were blogged by Lovingdd. I believe that this wonderful man can help salvage our marriage! Please read ALL his articles especially the one on "Leadership." As far as the healing process goes with me fully respecting you again, then we should do alot of talking... Lovingdd has made me come some way to accepting the situation. Please give me a harsh regime and harsh discipline when needed...Don't feel guilty over your affair and let me off!! It doesn't always have to be a spanking. It could be: Corner time; Being sent to bed at any time; Not being allowed to watch my favourite T.V programme; Doing extra chores; Being grounded etc...
Or for a VERY severe punishment it could be one of the above AND a harsh and painful spanking.

Your loving wife C xxxxx

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