Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Missing 'R'!


At first, it was so hard for me to adjust to having ‘R’ home for five weeks. In the first week, it was hard to fully accept that my man had come home - to take up his role as lead and head of the family. Now it is incredibly hard to adjust to not having him home…

‘R’ works in the city and is only home at week-ends. This week-end, however, he has opted to stay in the city to catch up on work. He told me over the phone last night, that very little work had been done in his absence.

I will just have to accept that I cannot always benefit from the loving guidance, support and correction from my husband. We do email, text and call each other every day - but, maintaining a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship from a distance is hard...

I cannot keep anything from ‘R,’ he always knows when I’ve transgressed. He can usually tell from the guilty tone in my voice over the phone. When ‘R’ is home I find it especially difficult to keep anything from him. He instinctively knows if I’ve done something wrong and usually knows what I’ve done. Please, don’t misunderstand me, I never deliberately withhold my misbehaviours from ‘R’. It’s just that sometimes, particularly over the big things, where I know I will receive a ‘severe’ punishment spanking, that I generally need to take the time in telling him. I usually get quite scared and try and assess when it would be the best time to broach the subject. When I’m scared, I usually become very quiet, it is at these times that ‘R’ knows that I’ve done something wrong...

Journaling has become an essential every day commodity to our lifestyle. Maintaining a long distance relationship, where the HOH feels in control as ‘leader,’ ‘guide’ and ‘head’ can only realistically be done with effective communication. Journaling is my way of communicating the following: Chores which I set myself for the next day; misbehaviours; thoughts about committing an offence (my compulsive misbehaviour.) Also feelings and moods - whether I’ve maintained self-control. Every night before I go to bed, I phone ‘R’ and read out my daily entries. If I haven’t managed to finish all the chores I set myself, then ‘R’ will want to know why? If there is a good reason such as PMT cramps/migraine, or stopping everything to help a friend, or spending extra quality time with 'Z' because she needs me, then ‘R’ understands. He is certainly not tyrannical, but a very kind, loving and understanding man. Besides, he instinctively knows when I’m wangling for some ‘free-time’ away from chores.

I am feeling so very sad at the moment. In some ways, I wish the house was all covered in dust again from his sander – just to have him back!!

1 Comments:

At 8.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

My darling C,

thank you for this post. I am very sorry that I did not leave a comment sooner but, as you know, I have been busy and we have been in touch every day by email and phone.

I cannot say that our time together at home was easy. There were some negative things happening, mostly about the dust and chores. I got close to admitting defeat at one point. It seemed that LDD just couldn't cope with DIY and sawdust!

However, this post which is so full of warmth and reflects the way I also feel, as well as your recognition that your behaviour was so bad has helped me get a sense of balance again.

Your loving HOH

R
xxx

 

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