An Essay: LDD – “Top Down” or “Bottom Up” Approach?

Many people despair at having a partner who does not want to engage in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. But, many people seem to understand LDD from a very singular and linear perspective. This essay attempts to show more of a multifaceted approach to Loving Domestic Discipline. It attempts to identify the basic components of LDD, which will hopefully make it more accessible to all – even to those who are adamantly opposed to it.

Although the “top” and “bottom” are sometimes referred to in D/s as the dominant (top) and submissive (bottom), this jargon is only applied in the spanking genre. The definition used in this essay is a term applied in many fields. In psychology, for example, the “top down” would involve looking at the problem from the top and trying to solve it directly (as used by Behavioural Psychologists – Skinner and Pavlov, et al.) Whereas, the “bottom up,” would involve starting from the bottom, trying to analyse the causes of the problem (as used by Psychoanalysts – Freud and Jung, et al.) Another example is used in education. When considering the theory of children learning to read, the “top down” would involve the child looking at a word and memorising the structure of a long and complicated word, thus, gaining instant word recognition. The “bottom up,” would involve breaking the word down into syllables and sounding the word out phonetically.

When considering this terminology applied to Loving Domestic Discipline, it becomes immediately apparent that many more people seem to opt for the “top down” (direct action - spanking) rather than the “bottom up” (the subtle inter-connection of masculine and feminine energies.) In fact, many people gloomily suppose, that if their partner refuses to spank, or be spanked, then they are not (and never will) be able to live the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Such a supposition is simply not true! Loving Domestic Discipline is not a linear non-dimensional implementation of a lifestyle; rather it is an intricate inter-play of both masculine and feminine energies. It is coming together and truly celebrating each others genders. It is the celebration of a man and his woman.

Of course, the main emphasis of Loving Domestic Discipline is a disciplinary/punishment spanking, administered by the male HOH to his woman when she misbehaves, or as a preventative measure – there is no denying that! However, if we start by examining the very foundation of what comprises the LDD lifestyle (the energies) and tune into these energies; we will find ourselves engaging in the basic and most fundamental building blocks of LDD. So many people complain that their partner doesn’t want any part of Loving Domestic Discipline, yet anyone can engage in it, it is easy, simple and highly effective! By teasing out the masculine/feminine vibes and watching the lifestyle progress, it won’t be long before more diverse stages of the lifestyle are experienced. Everyone can tune into these energies, if people are finding that their partner is somewhat reluctant, then it should be these very rudiments that they should consider as their starting point.

The mechanisms of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle are a synergistic inter-play of the masculine and feminine energies. Such a synergistic inter-play really does work as if by magic! The person wanting the LDD relationship simply has to tease out their partner’s gender and respond to it accordingly. All a man has to do to bring his reluctant partner to fruition, is to start behaving authoritatively. Or in the case of a woman, all she has to do is to start behaving submissively – to give the lead and decisions to her man. From that point on, as if by magic, the very corner stone of Loving Domestic Discipline has been set and the lifestyle has started. It really is as simple as that!

The grass roots to Loving Domestic Discipline is that it’s a psychological process, sometimes accessing deep rooted emotions from a past childhood experience. Punishment spankings are often deeply emotive. The unlocking of these emotions can have a deeply profound experience on the woman, which can be immensely healing. However, bringing the woman into this charged psychological and emotional state can not be done quickly. The “top down” approach is simply not an effective medium when considered on its own. Without teasing out her emotions using the other LDD methods she will not cry, feel sorrow, repentance, submission, or that lovely peaceful feeling of being fully cleansed, redeemed and forgiven by her HOH straight after a punishment spanking! It is because of the synergistic process that points to the effectiveness of the “bottom up” approach. If a person were to simply consider the “top down,” by solely concentrating on the spanking alone, then they would not be engaging in LDD. The actual spanking is only one stage on the spectrum – without incorporating the other major stages such as scolding, corner time, shaming, etc… the disciplinary process would lose its validity and would be deemed meaningless.

Yet…it does strike me as rather odd that many people who have unwilling partners seem totally hung up about the “top down” approach – the spanking. Many people seem so unhappy that they are not living this wonderful lifestyle and yet the lifestyle is so multifaceted with the spanking being just one of these facets. Spanking is simply the result of what happens after a lengthy session of utilising most of the other necessary ingredients. The rich variety on the LDD spectrum allows even the most reluctant participant to find something suitable. Engaging in the exchange of energies, the merging and inter-connectiveness of a man and his woman is both alluring and sexy. This too is LDD!

A positive mental attitude is what’s needed if your partner is unwilling. There is no need to be glum, or overly complicate something as simple as LDD. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will a fully fledged Loving Domestic Discipline relationship! The important thing to remember is to view LDD wholistically. It is not only comprised of the “top down," but also the “bottom up” approach. Once you have engaged in the “bottom up” elements of the lifestyle you will be living in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship (albeit somewhat diluted). You should take your time and enjoy each and every stage and not rush it, rushing it may only startle your partner and set them back more. Let nature take its course and see where it leads... A spanking administered in a home environment, implemented by the loving HOH is extremely natural. I can guarantee that it shouldn’t take long to have this much awaited disciplinary stage interpolated into your lifestyle!

But what does it mean to tune into the opposite energies? How can you start living the LDD lifestyle by starting from the “bottom up?”

“Bottom up” steps a man can take to bring his reluctant woman into an LDD relationship:

• A man should show the opposite energies to his partner – his masculinity. His woman should feel herself consumed by his masculine strength. Use Lovemaking as a tool to show her your power and authority. Please your woman sexually, watch how she responds and be intuitive to her needs - let her dictate the mood. Either ravish her, penetrating and thrusting into her like you've never done before, or take it nice and slow. If she is totally against spanking then you could try reaching behind her and spanking her very gently and erotically with your hand using a non-spanking position, then softly carressing her buttocks. Bathe her, massage her with sensual oils - use candles and incense to relax her mind and body. Take her out to dinner, go Latino dancing - hold her tightly on the dance floor and lead. Let her know you are the leader, you are the boss!

• A man should show his authority at all times. He needs to be firm but fair, his woman needs to be listened to, but the final decision is his to make. A man should exercise saying "no" to his woman. Believe it or not women prefer being told no rather than yes! Being told no will eventually heighten the woman’s submission. The woman may at first be moody, temperamental or have a tantrum, but the HOH must persevere. Eventually she will not only start to deeply respect her man, but she will find a new sense of security in the loving limits and boundaries he has set up. These boundaries of not being allowed to do something fill the woman with a great sense of peace and love. They clearly demonstrate that her man loves her enough to hold her accountable for her actions!

• A man should be consistent at all times, wavering on an issue shows lack of strength and leadership. His woman will not respect him for hesitating, or letting her get her own way! Such indecision will only result in her fighting for control which is one of the most serious crimes committed, going directly against the LDD lifestyle.

• Punishments – if she is misbehaving then quite simply withdraw from her – put her in coventry for a while. Tell her that you are forced to do it because her behaviour is unacceptable. Tell her that as long as she continues to behave like a child, then she will be treated like a naughty child and be ignored. Tell her that such behaviour is simply not tolerated! Traditional non-spanking punishments such as essay/line writing, restrictions, being grounded, corner time or early bedtime should not be enforced on a reluctant partner. With patience and perseverance, these will all come into play in there own time. The LDD relationship is consensual – and this must be remembered and adhered to. But nevertheless there are still many steps a man can take (such as withdrawing) to discipline his wife.

• Teach your woman things she doesn’t know. Show your intellect and reasoning…no woman can resist this! By learning from you she is subconsciously submitting to you, admiring and respecting you. She is looking up to your wisdom and acknowledging you as leader.



“Bottom up” steps a woman can take to encourage her reluctant man into an LDD relationship:

• A woman needs to relinquish control and adhere to a male led relationship. Even if her partner may at first be reluctant to take the lead. By handing over the reins, obeying him and by outlining his authority, her man will eventually take his natural place in the home.

• By highlighting her man’s authority, she is highlighting his worth. She is inadvertently telling him that she would clearly benefit from his guidance - that her man is better in this area than she is and that she values and trusts each and every decision he makes.

• To begin with, her man may not be consistent and may make her feel quite insecure at times. Nevertheless, she should persevere. She should never outline his weakness! Instead should continuously thank him for his decisions, guidance and leadership, etc… she should constantly point out his strengths and his weaknesses will eventually diminish…

• She should start by showing her submission in the bedroom. She should work hard to please her man, but at the same time allow him to do the leading. If he wants her on top then she must obey. This can also be a submissive position - if she is instructed to do so by her man. She should surrender herself to his larger, stronger, masculine power. She should give way to him completely. She should be submissive, obedient and compliant enough to try anything her man wants. Through surrender nothing should dissuade her. By surrendering herself in total love and trust and seeing her man's satisfaction, even the most painful sexual sensations will become pleasurable experiences!

• If she loses patience with her man she should quickly pave the way with an apology for disrespect. By simply saying, “I’m sorry I disrespected you,” she is reinforcing her disrespect and weakness, which heightens her man’s authority and leadership as HOH. It also reinforces that her man should demand respect from his woman at all times!

• She should learn about his hobbies and should be willing to have a go at what he likes doing. She should learn from his wide range of academic and practical pursuits. After all, men tend to really enjoy explaining their interests to their women. Men generally like fixing things and it is quite fascinating to watch the man engaging and educating their woman in such skills!

• She should never take authority away from her man by questioning or disagreeing with his decisions. It isn’t easy being a HOH particularly one who is still learning! If he does discipline his woman for something she didn’t do, then she should accept it graciously. Fighting against it will undermine her HOH’s authority, which may set him back temporarily or even permanently!

• If she has misbehaved, then she should confess this transgression to her man. After a few months of confessions she should move to the next stage and tell her man that she would clearly benefit if she had some loving limit imposed. If her man scoffs at the idea, she should just accept it and try again a few months later. Never force the issue…the key to a happy and successful Loving Domestic Discipline relationship is to be submissive, obedient and respectful at all times!


These are just some “bottom up” guide lines to encourage a reluctant partner into an Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. The key to making this process work is consistency, and determination. The important thing is not to give in! It may be hard with a lot of temporary agro, but it will be worth it in the long run! All of the above is such a fundamental part of Loving Domestic Discipline too! People often forget this and simply focus on the spanking. This is a shame because the subtleties within the masculine and feminine energies are the driving force behind a LDD relationship. If he/she accepts the very foundation of LDD, then hopefully it won't be long before spanking is also incorporated as a disciplinary measure. But there is no need to rush it...everything comes in its own good time. The very positive thing to remember about Loving Domestic Discipline is that it is a synergistic process. No matter who starts the ball rolling, whether it is the male HOH or his woman, it will inevitably provoke the right response from the other individual.

Loving Domestic discipline is not a race and takes many different forms - no two couples practice it in exactly the same way. Possibly the most important aspect to remember is that it truly is a celebration of energies. That it truly is a celebration of love between the masculine and feminine, love between the man and his woman!

~C~