Friday, April 07, 2006

LDD Makes Me Feel so Feminine...



R is my leader - I have freely given myself over to a ‘male led’ relationship where R is the HOH (Head of House) and I comply with his decisions. As 'head', my husband has the final say... this does not mean that I do not have my own view point. R values my views and listens intently, sometimes he acts on my advice/opinions and sometimes not. In the end, the final decision is always R’s to make. R’s position as head and leader of our family, does not make me feel less valuable – we simply have differing gender roles.

There are SO many benefits to living a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship... too many to name. One such benefit, is that this lifestyle unlocks something very deep within my womanhood. This lifestyle makes me feel so VERY feminine. The constant inter-play of masculine and feminine energies is very apparent between us. I feel R’s masculinity pour over me - I ‘tingle’ when he instructs me to do something. I ‘tingle’ when he gives me a bed-time or some other loving limit – I want to please him SO much! I love being cradled in this protective environment of warmth and love. The fact that he is holding me accountable for my actions and modifying my behaviour is enveloping me, in a very deep sense of security. It’s making our relationship cement and stand firm against life’s obstacles.

I love being told I’m a ‘good girl,’ I ‘tingle’ with such pride, which wells deep from inside me. I also ‘tingle’ in a shameful way, when R scolds me and calls me a ‘bad girl’ or 'naughty' – I feel his masculinity, I feel the exchange of our masculine and feminine energies, I feel his disapproval, his power, his authority, intermingled with my fear, guilt, shame and anticipation... The vibes from these two opposing energies draw out the very feminine aspect of my womanhood.

The inter-play of energies emphasises our unique masculine/feminine natures... On one hand, when I misbehave, I feel so hurt in witnessing R's disapproval, as my stomach knots in fear, I feel quite nauseous. On the other, when I'm good, I blossom and thrive on R’s approval and praise. When I behave badly, I never feel at ease, until I have felt the firmness of his hand (or implement) as he strikes my bared bottom and corrects my misbehaviours – always out of love, never anger or resentment. I never feel at ease, until I have been soundly spanked through my tears, forgiven and redeemed.

If I misbehave when friends, family or visitors are present, I 'blush' and 'tingle' with a mixture of dread and ‘covert’ sexuality when R has had reason to whisper his reprimand sternly in my ear, or calls me by my nick-name ‘K.’
When others are present and R is forced to call me ‘K’ in public, I feel such humility. No one else knows, that R is warning me to turn my misbehaviour around. At such times, I often suspect that they do know, since the result of R’s warning makes me blush and go very quiet...

Calling R ‘Sir’ during my discipline emphasises these gender roles and makes me feel very feminine. It emphasises R’s masculine role as head and leader. Calling R ‘Sir’ also emphasises my submission towards him – I ‘tingle’ in surrender when I call R ‘Sir.’ I ‘tingle’ from the very core of my womanhood – this inter-play of our genders - the ‘covertly’ sexual nature of these energies, results in drawing out and acutely outlining, our very diverse masculine and feminine roles.

Calling my HOH ‘Sir’ also allows me to prepare for punishment in a more submissive, subdued and contrite frame of mind. It allows me to acknowledge, his deep masculine authority and feel the deep shame my misbehaviour has caused. As I await my punishment, in the corner naked, or in some other humiliating position, I feel very humbled and feminine. Feeling humbled and feminine, allows me to explore my shameful misbehaviour - it allows me to let go of 'some' of my fear and receive my punishment in a calmer state of mind. Such a calm state of mind (without too much panic) allows me to reach catharsis and surrender to the severity and pain of my spanking. It is catharsis, which allows me to overcome the pain-threshold. If I cry before my spanking, R knows that my discipline will be very effective and I should reach catharsis quite quickly. R never stops, but continues spanking me through my catharsis, until he knows that those deeper repressed emotions, have come up to the surface and been dispelled.

I call my husband ‘Sir’ not because he demands it, but because he has earned it. I respect my man with my life and totally surrender to him with my body, heart and soul. Calling R ‘Sir’ has not been easy for him to accept – titles go against the principles of his religion. R has given me this gift, so that it helps me on my journey, to becoming a deeply submissive, respectful, honest, obedient and very feminine woman.


I plan our trips, our vacations away. But R, as the head, has the authority to cancel our plans at a moment's notice. He doesn’t do this in a nasty, mean or revengeful sort of way; there is always a very good reason behind his actions. As a submissive wife, I have SO much to learn. I have only just started my journey in submission, even though we have been practising Domestic Discipline since before our marriage.
I am terribly ashamed to admit that when R cancelled our trip to Africa (for very good reasons – which I was too stubborn to see at the time) I did not take the news well. In fact, not taking the news well was an understatement! My actions, hateful words and disrespect towards him came out in a huge outburst of emotion! I even emailed another LDD’er to tell her all about my horribly mean husband! This other lady who has given me inordinate amounts of support emailed back saying... “But, you both seem so happy in your blog?” To which I responded, “That was yesterday, today I hate him! I hate him for the promise of a Christmas present (Africa) which has never materialised!”

I feel sorry for bothering my friend with such trivia and inadvertently showing her disrespect too - by unleashing all my negative energies on her. I am also sorry to R for not submitting to his decisions gracefully and for displaying such utter disrespect and childish behaviour. R wants me to post these events under the heading of “Severe Bratting” I said I would do this, but have not yet plucked up the courage. Although, I do think, from an ‘informative’ perspective it may dispel the notion (to some non-LDD practitioners) that ‘bratting’ is some myth, fallacy or at best play-acting!
The really bad thing about R being away again, is that instead of remembering the good times, my mind is frequently reminded of the hurt my misbehaviour caused him. Even the severe spankings haven’t taken the guilt away. R thinks it’s silly to be guilty and wants the whole episode forgotten about – although, he does say that feeling such intense guilt, is a very good thing, since he is very sure that I have learnt a valuable lesson!

From an intimately, personal perspective, Loving Domestic Discipline has unlocked something deep within my 'unconscious,' my 'soul,' my 'womanhood.' It has captured the essence of who I am - it has captured my 'femininity.' Other people will no doubt hold other feelings, experiences or beliefs. This is only natural, we are all different and human emotions are complex. I have never discriminated against anyone and recognise that the deep feelings I possess may deeply irritate or offend some people. I can only apologise for this...

C

17 Comments:

At 7.4.06, Blogger padme said...

Great blog post, C. I just wanted to come by and say hello this morning. :) Hope your doing ok.
HUGS

 
At 7.4.06, Anonymous Anonymous said...

who are you? do you have a manual for the behavior you exhibit or is it just made up? is there a clu of hoh...where can we get one?

 
At 8.4.06, Blogger SmartNnaughty said...

The benefits of LDD are many. I appreciate your explanation of masculine and feminine energy. But I have one question for you.

Is it not a good thing to let your negative emotions out to a friend? We all have negativity and it isn't good to keep it inside. Once it is out, then you can deal with what is real and what isn't.

I find that it is a way of figuring out what is really bothering me. Sometimes I don't know until I rant and vent a little and ask for advice from a trusted friend.

Just my 2 cents, C. Thanks for letting me express my opinions.

SNN

 
At 8.4.06, Blogger Storm Rider said...

BRAVO C!!!!BRAVO!!BRAVO!!!
I love reading the true emotions of a reel woman!!! One who has the love and honor for her man and trust him enough for the both of them! BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 8.4.06, Blogger Janeen said...

What a beautiful post! Very inspirational.

 
At 8.4.06, Blogger SpankedMinx said...

Hugggggs C

Glad it's workin for ya x x x x x

Minx x x x x

 
At 8.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear anonymous of 07 April, 2006 17:56. We are living our relationship using the principles found in Loving Domestic Discipline's blog and book. That is why Loving Domestic Discipline is at the top our links section. There are a few small areas where we diverge but they are minor. As I said to LovingDD in an email once, I wish we had found his blog 20 years earlier! We had a domestic discipline gap. We needed to find a framework like LDD to make sense of the things that happened naturally in our relationship anyway. It was all there from the start such as the masculine-feminine energies, bratting, spanking etc but it was very hard to explain the dynamics and often caused frustrations.

R

 
At 8.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Soulmate, you inspire me!

What a good post. You are a very good girl :)

Posts like this and tender moments together really heal. Thank you for taking the time and finding the words to express yourself.

Your femininity is obvious and it draws out my masculinity. After all these years, it is great to have such vibrancy in our relationship. I have you, God and LovingDD to thank for that.

Your loving HOH

R
xxx

 
At 9.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Hello Padme,
Thank you for stopping by :) Hope you're doing OK too!

*hugs*

C

Dear SnN,
In response to your question...

I think it all depends on who your friend is...?

This friend in question is a fairly 'new' friend and as such I couldn't predict what my negations would do. Also, since we are both 'new' in our friendship, I was worried about creating a bad impression of myself. Not to mention, that it can't be very nice for her to be burdened with trivia - nor very fair! Trivia, in the sense that by the end of that evening, when I had calmed down and began to accept R's reasoning. When I had begun to realise the damage my unfetted emotions had caused, to R, my family and friend - I began to feel such shame. Shame also of how my friend may still be feeling, not realising that the HUGE crisis and drama, I had single handedly set up, had all been resolved. I really don’t like the volatility of my emotions, nor the result of my actions. I am only too painfully aware, how quickly my emotions can change from love to hate and back again! :(

But, you are right; however, it isn't healthy to keep negative emotions bottled up inside... The trick is to let go of such energies, in a calm, respectful and mindful manner.
The more I come to understand, value and respect my new, very compassionate and wise friend. The more at ease I feel in expressing true emotions - which may not always be very positive. ;)


C


Hello Storm,
Thank you SO much for your very warm and exuberant comment!
I really appreciated it :)

C

Hello Janeen,
Thank you for complimenting me on my post. I love all your posts too... I deeply admire the fact that you have time to post, with your college finals, health and your family to look after... :)

C

Hello Minxy,
Thanks for stopping by!
Bottoms up!!
C

My Dearest husband,

Thank you for your comment... I know how busy you are and understand how difficult it is for you to post comments.

Late last night, when I read your comment, I felt very warm and proud. Had I not been so tired and responded last night, my comment to you would have been very appreciative. It would have been appreciative, since, it would have been laced in my own 'pride,' which had manifested itself on my own self-congratulatory, 'illusory' submission.

Having now read and re-read Lovingdd's latest article on 'Obedience' I can no longer congratulate myself - I see huge flaws. My submission to you is more akin to a 'pseudo-submission.' I submit and I'm extremely obedient in your presence, particularly during discipline. I make you 'visually' see my obedience, you are aware of my obedience/submission because you are present. I cannot, however, say that this is the case when you are not at home. I cannot swear hand on heart that I obey all your instructions within the 'given' time frame. I do obey, but in my time, not yours. I reason, that since you are away and not due back until the week-end I have time to follow your instructions later...

Such a wilful act of disobedience does not even place me remotely near to pre-empting what little 'extra' I can do to make you pleased with me…
I know you have always desired this 'extra' without me being constantly told, or led by you in any given direction. Reading Lovingdd's latest article has made me quite ashamed...

This will all change... I swear this to you, with all my heart!

Shamefully,
C xxxx

 
At 10.4.06, Blogger rivka said...

The love I see when I read here consistently blows my mind. I couldn't relate more to those little "tingles" you expressed in this post... Beautifully written, C.

 
At 10.4.06, Blogger Miss Nancy said...

What a wonderful blog. I know I will find lots of new friends here that share my passion for being submissive. xoxo Nancy

 
At 10.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Rivka,

Thank you for your compliments. Yes, as women living this wonderful lifestyle, we are only too aware of these 'tingles'...;)

*hugs*
C

Dear miss nancy,

I wish you every success with your new blog! I'm sure you will find lots of submissive LDD friends who share your lifestyle. I hope you will consider me as one of them :)

C

 
At 12.4.06, Blogger Miss Nancy said...

C
Yes I consider you one of my friends as I do anyone that shares my passion for a good spanking. I would love for all my new friends to visit my blot at Submissive Nancy. If you would like to talk with me on a more personal level, please email me at NancyFrench123@yahoo.com

 
At 13.4.06, Anonymous Lauren said...

Hello, C

You and I had exchanged a few e-mails and then I let other responsibilities keep me from maintaining our exchange of information and growing friendship.

I adore your blogspot. You are a wonderful writer and your articles are extraordinary.

I must admit that I do agree with smartnnaughty that we need to "talk out" our feelings of negativity. A trusted woman-friend who also practices LDD with her husband is the perfect person to help us work through our negative thoughts. I have formed a support group of 5 women in my community and it is truly a blessing to have women in my life who embrace LDD. Personally, I found that when I share any negative feelings I am experiencing towards my HOH with the other women they helped me put things in perspective. These talks have prevented me from "acting out" and misbehaving. Instead, I respectfully bring up my concern with my HOH.

Like you, my HOH respects and listens to my opinion and we do discuss all issues that are important to our lives. However, he makes the final decision. I must admit there are many times I am thrilled to be relieved of that responsibility. And, knowing that my HOH does bear the brunt of making many difficult decisions, it deepens my feelings of respect for him because it takes great courage to lead your family.

All my best to you and R.

 
At 15.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Hello Lauren,

How lovely to hear from you again!

Thank you for your compliments regarding this site :)

Yes, I believe that both you and smartnnaughty are right in saying that we need to ‘talk out’ our feelings of negativity. You are so lucky to have formed an LDD group in your community. I believe that the UK is still very much behind on such issues. As far as spanking clubs and societies are concerned the UK is quite clued into this – all categorised under the heading of ‘porn’ or ‘kink.’ The UK has been going through a ‘politically correct’ phase for some time and any issues relating to LDD as being a healthy and natural expression of femininity would go down like a lead balloon!
Because of all this negativity, I have found it hard to reach out to other like-minded people in the UK. I’m sure that there are people out there, who like me don’t see the sexuality of LDD as the driving force. Perhaps, like me, these people are too frightened to come out and declare their beliefs in case of being lynched.

I had many non-LDD women friends who I’ve now more or less disassociated with. I found these women’s attitudes to their husbands deeply offensive. I tried gently putting Lovingdd's suggestions across which offered an easier alternative, away from all the bickering... They listened politely, but then resorted to gossiping about their husbands a few moments later! I found that friendship with them was very detrimental and not conducive to my own submission and obedience to my HOH.

All my very best to you and your HOH!

C

 
At 28.7.07, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My HOH has me stand in the corner, nd I have to pull my bottom cheeks apart, and stay presented like that for the corner time. I feel very feminine because my anatomy is such a turn on for him, and my submissiveness is the thing he really love s about me

 
At 28.7.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Whilst not all the LDD practitioners advocate a sexual element to their discipline, there are many that do.

Presenting yourself in such a position is very humbling and humiliating for the disciplined woman. This in turn renders her more obedient and submissive to her HOH.

What you describe is discussed in great detail in the ALDD book and forum. If you haven't purchased the book, I strongly recommend that you do.

All the best,

~C~

 

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