My Struggle with Obedience

At the beginning, one of my most difficult challenges within the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle was obedience. I have always been fiercely independent and self opinionated. I had always found obedience hard and seldom obeyed anyone, even as a child.

At the start of our Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, I was subconsciously blocking my obedience to my HOH. I would try very hard to work on my obedience during discipline – but outside of discipline I would happily sail my merry way. My HOH was quick to pick up on this and would often praise me for obediently submitting to his discipline, but would wonder why I wouldn’t carry out his day to day instructions and other tasks. I honestly found the latter harder than submitting to the actual discipline. If my HOH instructed me to do something over the phone (R spends the weekdays in London) then I would say sweetly, “OK darling,” fully intending to do it before he came home. This, however, was seldom the case; I would allow his instructions to filter out of my mind, I would quite simply forget about my HOH’s instructions.

I have since learned that my behaviour displayed the very height of disobedience. This type of disobedience was very blatant – it clearly demonstrated to R that I was putting all my planned day to day events before his instructions. I was in effect non-verbally telling my husband that I thought little of his instructions, that my tasks were more important. In fact, I thought so little of his instructions that I would end up forgetting all about them! Looking back on my past behaviour I can clearly see how disobedient and disrespectful I was being – luckily I have come along way since then! I now see obedience as something quite instant and spontaneous. I no longer procrastinate over what R tells me to do, but usually do it automatically before I do something of mine. I don’t always see the reasoning behind R’s instructions sometimes R hasn’t the time to explain why he wants something done in a certain way. I have, however, learnt to carry out my HOH’s instructions without thinking, “why am I doing this?” Or without thinking that my tasks require more urgent attention.

Obedience has brought out all my deeply felt submissive urges. I always believed that submission has to be worked upon, but instead I have found that by working on my obedience my submission followed as a natural consequence. By becoming more obedient I found myself embraced in a new awareness of self, a truly “feminine” self. Never in my life had I felt more in tune with my own femininity as I do now. My femininity had until now been repressed into the further reaches of my unconscious mind. It had always been there, as God had created me female. But, I had repressed this beautiful gift from my creator - subconsciously arguing that it is not PC to be so feminine!

By becoming more obedient, I have discovered that I am so much softer and accepting than I used to be. I no longer fly off the handle at the slightest thing, but accept the situation with grace and dignity. I may not like the situation, but causing a fuss, loosing my temper or having a tantrum are not going to change the situation around – they will only heighten the tension and raise more bad vibes and negative feelings.

My obedience to my HOH has reinforced his role as leader. I have grown in confidence and have acquired new freedoms from following my HOH’s authority and guidance. I no longer fight for leadership in our home – he guides me, corrects my misbehaviour and makes the final decisions. This has allowed me to concentrate on other areas of my life which previously I had neglected. My confidence has certainly grown. Prior to LDD I would struggle for leadership. I would have little confidence (never truly knowing if I would get my own way!) Life was hard and a painful struggle as I would constantly undermine my husband’s authority by inadvertently saying that I didn’t trust his decisions at all.

~C~