My Journey Towards Submission (2)

I have just embarked upon a wonderful journey and taken my first tentative steps towards becoming a submissive wife. I am undertaking this journey in order to fulfil an intense desire to please my husband, at a much deeper and profound level. A desire which will liberate me and put me in touch with my true feminine self...

My duty is to love, honour and obey my husband, to treat my man with the respect he deserves. My duty is to yield to my man's authority, submit to his correction and to gain wisdom from his teachings. My duty is to always have the courage and fortitude, to follow his guidance as he assumes his natural male role of "head" and "leader" of our family. I aim never to be too proud to admit that I'm wrong, but to apologise, learn from my mistakes and move forward. I aim never to dwell on past punishments or hold grudges. I aim to be openly feminine, softly spoken, virtuous, mild, tender, humble, demure and attentive to fulfilling my husband's needs. Fulfilling my man's needs frees me as a woman. My quest in achieving this wonderful "freedom" is through "submission"...

A few days ago my membership was accepted into “The Submissive Wife Project” www.submissivewife.org/ I made my first posting, by way of introduction yesterday and I was amazed by the very friendly and rapid response my introduction generated. Their hospitality and welcome, genuine concern for my welfare and warmth truly touched me. I have even been given a mentor to show me around the site, be on hand with answers to questions and help with any technical difficulties along the way. So far, my mentor has already written 3 very friendly emails – it is quite a job keeping up with her!

My greatest and most common act of disobedience to my HOH is my lack of “time-management,” I tend to leave everything to the very last minute… Some of you may have read a couple of posts back, where R was forced to give me my most severe spanking to date. Unfortunately, his correction of my misbehaviour was solely due to this frequent transgression. The fairly lengthy email I was told to recite to him on Good Friday, for failing to carry out his explicit instructions, I didn’t actually start memorising until the afternoon of the recital. But, unbeknown to me, several events got in the way that day, preventing me from learning his email – we had an unexpected visitor and I had a really lovely phone call from The Submissive Wife Project. After the phone call my head was spinning with excitement from the brief outline of the project and what the principles of submission were. So, instead of committing R’s email to memory, I found myself jotting down notes about submission - which was hardly a submissive act! Some irony there! Had I simply got on with the task he clearly set out days before, without constantly procrastinating, then I wouldn’t have ended up in so much trouble!

My punishment, for such deliberate disobedience has really gone some way, in helping me realise at a “deeper” level that I really must adhere to my husband's instructions! My spanking may have been severe, but this wasn’t the first time I left things to the last minute. My HOH wanted me to truly learn from this punishment. He wanted me to understand his message loud and clear and under no uncertain terms! I believe I have truly learnt from my spanking and the “Wiki” has been of immense help. I now have all my chores set out in boxes and I have to mark them as complete, partially complete, or incomplete. The "good girl" smilies are great, I know when R is pleased with me (so far I haven't had any "bad girl" frownies!) Such a device is incredibly beneficial since it prevents me from leaving all my chores to the final few hours before R’s return!

My most recent disobedience to R, wasn’t so much in writing the previous post which made him uncomfortable, but, by changing the post when he specifically told me not to. I went to bed that night after reading the post over the phone to him. I could tell by his voice that I had hurt him. I felt incredibly guilty and bad about hurting him and as a consequence got up 3 hours later, in order to change and add bits to the post. Yes, I was fully aware of being disobedient by directly going against his instructions, but I was so desperate to put things right! R told me on the phone the next day that what I wrote in the post was understandable – I can’t pitch things at the right level all the time. Yes, I was tackless, but changing it was the real act of disobedience! I don’t know why I frequently find myself in what I call a “grey area.” I’m often getting into trouble for something relatively minor and then make things ten times worse by acting impetuously in trying to put things right! I seriously believe that my behaviour would improve immensely if my husband didn’t have to work away. I believe daily maintenance spankings would keep me both sweet and respectful and would go a long way in seeing a marked improvement in both my behaviour and submission. Having said this, R has noticed an immense improvement in the way I approach problems and my attitude to life generally. So although he is regularly away, marked improvements have been made. ;-)

Another major problem I have is I tend to lack balance in my personal life. Professionally, I am required to be very multi-tasking and keep all the plates spinning all of the time – this I manage to do without question. But, in my personal life I become rather selective and only concentrate on a few areas. A prime example of this is my approach to Loving Domestic Discipline, where I’m finding the theoretical side (writing about LDD) incredibly interesting but the practical side (my obedience) immensely hard to achieve. My very patient husband would clearly like to see this balance re-dressed. ;-) Considering, that I’ve recently joined “The Submissive Wife Project” where I’m required to post regularly. Considering, that this project will clearly benefit me regarding my obedience and submission to my HOH, I think that I will only be able to make blog postings twice weekly, practically speaking. Twice weekly I promise, any more will be a bonus. My good intentions were to blog daily, but this I’m finding all too difficult, within my current time frame.

My dear readers, as I take the first few steps into my journey, I have outlined some of my human weaknesses, so that you can assess any improvements at first hand. Submission is at the very cornerstone of Loving Domestic Discipline, without allowing these deep levels of submission to emerge, I will never fully benefit from this wonderful lifestyle, nor feel the true glory of my womanhood.

~C

Addendum: I should have mentioned that "The Submissive Wife Project" has strict rules regarding confidentiality. I will not be able to disclose any information, not even my HOH is permitted access.