Saturday, April 22, 2006

My Journey Towards Submission (2)



I have just embarked upon a wonderful journey and taken my first tentative steps towards becoming a submissive wife. I am undertaking this journey in order to fulfil an intense desire to please my husband, at a much deeper and profound level. A desire which will liberate me and put me in touch with my true feminine self...

My duty is to love, honour and obey my husband, to treat my man with the respect he deserves. My duty is to yield to my man's authority, submit to his correction and to gain wisdom from his teachings. My duty is to always have the courage and fortitude, to follow his guidance as he assumes his natural male role of "head" and "leader" of our family. I aim never to be too proud to admit that I'm wrong, but to apologise, learn from my mistakes and move forward. I aim never to dwell on past punishments or hold grudges. I aim to be openly feminine, softly spoken, virtuous, mild, tender, humble, demure and attentive to fulfilling my husband's needs. Fulfilling my man's needs frees me as a woman. My quest in achieving this wonderful "freedom" is through "submission"...

A few days ago my membership was accepted into “The Submissive Wife Project” www.submissivewife.org/ I made my first posting, by way of introduction yesterday and I was amazed by the very friendly and rapid response my introduction generated. Their hospitality and welcome, genuine concern for my welfare and warmth truly touched me. I have even been given a mentor to show me around the site, be on hand with answers to questions and help with any technical difficulties along the way. So far, my mentor has already written 3 very friendly emails – it is quite a job keeping up with her!

My greatest and most common act of disobedience to my HOH is my lack of “time-management,” I tend to leave everything to the very last minute… Some of you may have read a couple of posts back, where R was forced to give me my most severe spanking to date. Unfortunately, his correction of my misbehaviour was solely due to this frequent transgression. The fairly lengthy email I was told to recite to him on Good Friday, for failing to carry out his explicit instructions, I didn’t actually start memorising until the afternoon of the recital. But, unbeknown to me, several events got in the way that day, preventing me from learning his email – we had an unexpected visitor and I had a really lovely phone call from The Submissive Wife Project. After the phone call my head was spinning with excitement from the brief outline of the project and what the principles of submission were. So, instead of committing R’s email to memory, I found myself jotting down notes about submission - which was hardly a submissive act! Some irony there! Had I simply got on with the task he clearly set out days before, without constantly procrastinating, then I wouldn’t have ended up in so much trouble!

My punishment, for such deliberate disobedience has really gone some way, in helping me realise at a “deeper” level that I really must adhere to my husband's instructions! My spanking may have been severe, but this wasn’t the first time I left things to the last minute. My HOH wanted me to truly learn from this punishment. He wanted me to understand his message loud and clear and under no uncertain terms! I believe I have truly learnt from my spanking and the “Wiki” has been of immense help. I now have all my chores set out in boxes and I have to mark them as complete, partially complete, or incomplete. The "good girl" smilies are great, I know when R is pleased with me (so far I haven't had any "bad girl" frownies!) Such a device is incredibly beneficial since it prevents me from leaving all my chores to the final few hours before R’s return!

My most recent disobedience to R, wasn’t so much in writing the previous post which made him uncomfortable, but, by changing the post when he specifically told me not to. I went to bed that night after reading the post over the phone to him. I could tell by his voice that I had hurt him. I felt incredibly guilty and bad about hurting him and as a consequence got up 3 hours later, in order to change and add bits to the post. Yes, I was fully aware of being disobedient by directly going against his instructions, but I was so desperate to put things right! R told me on the phone the next day that what I wrote in the post was understandable – I can’t pitch things at the right level all the time. Yes, I was tackless, but changing it was the real act of disobedience! I don’t know why I frequently find myself in what I call a “grey area.” I’m often getting into trouble for something relatively minor and then make things ten times worse by acting impetuously in trying to put things right! I seriously believe that my behaviour would improve immensely if my husband didn’t have to work away. I believe daily maintenance spankings would keep me both sweet and respectful and would go a long way in seeing a marked improvement in both my behaviour and submission. Having said this, R has noticed an immense improvement in the way I approach problems and my attitude to life generally. So although he is regularly away, marked improvements have been made. ;-)

Another major problem I have is I tend to lack balance in my personal life. Professionally, I am required to be very multi-tasking and keep all the plates spinning all of the time – this I manage to do without question. But, in my personal life I become rather selective and only concentrate on a few areas. A prime example of this is my approach to Loving Domestic Discipline, where I’m finding the theoretical side (writing about LDD) incredibly interesting but the practical side (my obedience) immensely hard to achieve. My very patient husband would clearly like to see this balance re-dressed. ;-) Considering, that I’ve recently joined “The Submissive Wife Project” where I’m required to post regularly. Considering, that this project will clearly benefit me regarding my obedience and submission to my HOH, I think that I will only be able to make blog postings twice weekly, practically speaking. Twice weekly I promise, any more will be a bonus. My good intentions were to blog daily, but this I’m finding all too difficult, within my current time frame.

My dear readers, as I take the first few steps into my journey, I have outlined some of my human weaknesses, so that you can assess any improvements at first hand. Submission is at the very cornerstone of Loving Domestic Discipline, without allowing these deep levels of submission to emerge, I will never fully benefit from this wonderful lifestyle, nor feel the true glory of my womanhood.

~C

Addendum: I should have mentioned that "The Submissive Wife Project" has strict rules regarding confidentiality. I will not be able to disclose any information, not even my HOH is permitted access.

8 Comments:

At 23.4.06, Blogger Head of House said...

I will be praying for you on your journey of submission. I found that web site two years ago and could only hope that my wife you take a journey into submission as well.

 
At 23.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear head of house,

Thank you for your prayers. I would really benefit from your prayers right now.

I also prayed for you, for the loss of your father. I hope you and your family feel more at peace and your pain in his passing has reached a more acceptable level.

C

 
At 25.4.06, Blogger padme said...

Hey C,
Really good blog post. Your submissive women project sounds like Latches, a submissive woman's group I joined when I first discovered D/s. It helped me a lot. I miss having the support like that. I might look into this project as I am kind of curious about it. :)
I really enjoyed your blog post and can relate to many of your feelings in it.
I just want you to know I really enjoy your blog...
HUGS

 
At 25.4.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Hello Padme.

Thank you for your compliments regarding my post. I'm so pleased you share many of my feelings about submission. It means that we can help and support each other! :)

The group I've joined is extremely supportive. It's great that I have a safe place to discuss matters in a respectful, safe and private environment. It is also great that there are so many experienced women I can bounce ideas off and learn new concepts from.

*HUGS*
C

 
At 2.5.06, Blogger WistfulWench said...

C,

I had stumbled across that site a couple of weeks ago and found so much of what they have there to be extremely interesting! Best of luck to you in your endeavor!

I think it IS easier to modify behaviors when he is constantly around, as well. Having said that, I have been working on not taking an action until I've asked myself if he would approve. If it is something that can wait until after I speak with him, then I let it wait. Needing to get things done has started to take second place to pleasing him with how I do things. (I don't know if that idea will help you or not. Thought I'd throw it out there!)

I look forward to continuing to read about your journey! Thank you, so much, for sharing it!

 
At 3.5.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear wistfulwench,

Thank you for wishing me good luck with my endeavour and for leaving such a kind and thoughtful comment!

So far, I have found the Submissive Wife Project extremely supportive and encouraging! It is wonderful that I've found a safe place, in which I can respectfully raise issues/questions involving my HOH and our relationship. Previously, I've found that in opening up such issues (to women) that respectfulness soon waned to petty gossiping about their husbands and about other women in general. The members in the SWP, however, recognise and fully accept their husband as 'head' 'guide' and ‘leader’ of their family. They fully recognise that their man has the unquestioning authority within the home. It is really quite refreshing to find a harbour such as this! Nearly all my friends are in “so called” equal relationships, celebrating their second or third marriages with daily arguments and constant friction! I’m so pleased that my HOH and I have followed our very natural instincts into fulfilling our natural gender roles, of one who is doing the leading and the other the following.

Yes, you are right it is very difficult modifying my behaviour whilst R is away. We have started a Wiki with my chores, journal, confessions, warnings, punishments etc… this has been very effective! If I’m too scared to own up to something, then I’ll simply write it in the confessions page of our Wiki. I know R reads the Wiki regularly, so it won’t take long before his attention has been drawn to it. If he has to punish me then the merits of being away mean I have longer to prepare. Thus, having longer to think about my wrong doings results in being very contrite before his arrival. But you are very right; the disadvantages of him being away certainly outweigh the advantages! :(

Your quest into not taking an action until you get your man’s approval sounds wonderful! I wish I could give myself in total and absolute submission to my man as you have to yours! :) I know that pleasing R should take priority over everything else, but I do find obedience very hard to do all of the time. How do you cope in the times when your will is too strong (or weak I should say?) Or even when you fail to pre-empt those little extra things which would really please him?

Thanks so much for stopping by with your helpful suggestions. :-)

~C~

 
At 4.5.06, Blogger WistfulWench said...

C,

I first had to accept that there is no such animal as perfect obedience. That doesn't exist, as I am not perfect. I can try, as hard as I like, and that is an impossible goal to reach.

It has taken lots and lots of practice, lots and lots of talking, and many punishments to get to this point. I still have my days when I lose all control. Actually, let me re-state that. There are days when I try to wrest the control back away from him. That is when I stumble the most and displease him.

There are times I've taken actions with the intention of pleasing him, only to have them backfire. In those situations, the punishment was mostly me punishing myself once he gave me his perspective. When I make an effort to do as he wishes, he is very cognizant of the fact. Even if I am unable to reach his objective, he accepts that I did make the effort and I usually receive little or no punishment in those cases.

The only answer I can offer, C, is that it takes time. Habits of a lifetime cannot be overcome in days. It takes communication. Neither of you is a mind reader. It takes acknowledgement of your humanity. No one is perfect. But it WILL come easier for you, the longer you try.

 
At 4.5.06, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear wistfulwench,

I'm so pleased I've found someone like you to help me on my journey! You seem so very wise - I can certainly learn a lot from you!

I think that obedience is a hard concept to learn. I was never really obedient as a child. I was really quite spoilt, in a manner of speaking.

Thank you for your very kind words of encouragement and for your support :D

~C~

 

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