Saturday, October 27, 2007

Essay – When the HOH Does Something Wrong

This essay will examine the possibilities of when the male HOH (Head of House) does something wrong and how the woman should react from a Loving Domestic Discipline perspective. This is an incredibly sensitive topic, and quite a difficult issue to discuss, but nevertheless, it is one which frequently crops up in various LDD discussions. I believe that it is both important and necessary for submissive women to know how to best approach issues such as this. However, due to this highly sensitive subject I hope not to cause offence to any HOHs reading this essay. If I do then I most humbly apologise.

It is extremely important to stress that “wrongness” as discussed in this essay, does not mean questioning our HOHs rules simply because they do not suit us as women! It is imperative for the women reading this essay to understand this. In a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship any masculine wrongness ONLY comes into question if and when the HOH has foreseen his mistake and told his woman about it. Good leaders always admit to having made a mistake - it is part of their true greatness and integrity as men. The HOH after all sees the bigger picture, often a picture women are not always aware of. What women may foolishly perceive as “wrong” may turn out perfectly “right” in the end. We do not always know our HOHs plan. He makes the rules and we follow. The HOH is supreme ruler of his household. The woman succumbs to a male led relationship and unquestioningly obeys his authority.

No HOH is incapable from making mistakes. No HOH is infallible. HOHs are not God or godlike. They are human and make errors like the rest of us. The only difference is that when a woman does something wrong she is accountable for her misbehaviour to her HOH and is punished for it via lovingly applied discipline. When the HOH does something wrong he is accountable to no one but himself or God. For this reason it can be especially hard when the HOH does make a mistake, it can be especially isolating for him. As women we know that a spanking has the powerful effect of instantly absolving any guilt we have felt prior to our correction. The aftermath of our spanking leaves us cleansed, reconnected, redeemed and forgiven as we weep remorsefully in our HOH’s arms. But when the HOH does something wrong, more often than not he becomes scrutinised and doubted by his woman in his resolve as an effective leader and HOH.

I think as women we demand too much from our HOH - we can sometimes place unrealistic and godlike expectations on him. Whilst it is true that our HOH is in a position of authority and leadership, he is nevertheless a man and not someone with superhuman powers. People in authority do make mistakes, but this does not change the fact that they are in authority. Sometimes our HOHs decisions are right and sometimes they are wrong. It is a submissive wife’s duty to accept this and expect the inevitability that mistakes can and will be made.

What should the woman do when the HOH does something wrong?

It is the woman’s duty as a loving partner or wife to support her HOH through whatever wrong decision or action he may have made. It is a woman’s duty as a loving wife to forgive her HOH, just like the many times he has forgiven her. With her love, submission, understanding and support her HOH will cherish his woman for this strength. Some people wrongly assume that a submissive woman is weak, but nothing can be further from the truth. It can be at highly emotionally tense times like these that the woman’s submission and strength are tested to their limits.

Whilst it is true that a wife has many duties of love and support to her husband, as a LDD wife her responsibilities are increased. When a leader makes a mistake he is often the one who will suffer the most. Men do not talk about emotional problems with friends in the same way as women. When a leader makes a mistake (particularly if it is a big one) he will often question his own leadership skills and authority. It is extremely difficult for the HOH to exert authority over his wife if he has done something wrong. It is, therefore, imperative for the woman to show inordinate amounts of submission, obedience and respect so as to boost her HOH’s resolve. This will show him that she will always yield to his decisions and understands when mistakes are made.

HOHs will only start to forgive themselves if his loving wife has forgiven him. Usually being verbally told you forgive someone is not as affective as being shown that you forgive them. Both verbally telling and physically showing the HOH that he is forgiven is paramount to re-establishing harmony and balance in the home. The quiet non-verbal acts of everyday service she performs as a loving submissive wife will encourage her HOH that he is a good, valued and worthy leader.

Many women who are new to the Loving Domestic Discipline relationship feel that it is not fair that their HOH is not spanked for doing something wrong, when they themselves are spanked for wrong doing. It takes a while for these women to understand the dynamics of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. The most fundamental reason for so many women desiring to live in a LDD relationship is to discover their submission and true femininity. Once they start to recognise and welcome their submissive urges and instincts they become immersed in their own feminine centre and sexuality. The discovery of their true feminine nature makes them reconnect with both their inner child and inner slut. Such reconnection makes them much more at peace and harmony with themselves. Growing deeper in submission is the one objective that women strive for in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship and this can only be achieved by adhering to male authority.

When a man takes authority over his household and becomes HOH his wife must learn very quickly that any decision he makes is his to make. His wife may offer her opinions and talk to her HOH at some length, but at the end of the discussion, the HOH makes the final decision. He may change his mind later, but he alone has the overall responsibility for his family. A submissive wife should never question her husband’s authority. I believe that one of the reasons for the decline in marriage and why so many people have returned to LDD, is that society has taught us to view family life as individuals. Viewing life from an egotistically individualistic perspective severely hampers us from the unity and partnership required in a marriage. Being a partnership means acting as a team, the husband being the head of that team and his wife the helpmate of that team. As with all teams - rules prevail, the HOH sets those rules and his woman obeys.

It is only natural for the woman to be angry with her HOH, but she must exercise self-control and not allow her emotions to take over. She must take time to reflect on what went wrong and what part (if any) she had in her HOH’s wrong doings. It is her duty as a wife and part of her marriage vows to aid and support her husband through any problems he may have inadvertently caused.

Sometimes looking at the suffering of others can take the pain of our own suffering away, or lessen it considerably. Sometimes looking at people who have shown particular courage can overshadow our own suffering. One broadcast I found particularly memorable, was the remarkable strength of character Alan Johnston, the BBC Gaza correspondent showed when he was held in captivity. In a recent Panorama documentary, he revealed that the only thing that he had that the guards could not take away, was his self-control. He refused to break down into depression and kept his mind as active and positive as possible. Watching him speak, I couldn’t help thinking what remarkable leadership/HOH qualities he had. Most people would have broken down at the prospect of thinking that everyday may be their last. Not many people can claim such strength of character.

Strength of character is something that women must work on. Women living the Loving Domestic Discipline way of life are not doormats or spineless individuals. As women admire men who show strength of character as true leaders, men also admire women who show strength of character. If something were to happen to the HOH where the woman must fend for herself, then the HOH must know that his woman is strong and capable. If the HOH makes a big mistake where the repercussions will affect the whole family, the HOH needs to know that his woman is strong and capable to help pull him and their family through. Sometimes women can be so wrapped up in their own (relatively small) sufferings that they don’t look at all the wonderful things that they do have. Health, wealth and family life can become almost like a given right, so that when things do go wrong it can seem like a devastation.

It is important for women to realise that there is no pain too great. Even trust once broken can be rebuilt…

What the woman should not do when the HOH does something wrong!

Women engaging in a Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle should never lose control of their emotions. Whilst emotions are good, positive and natural, losing control by allowing rage and anger to consume the woman is very bad. If the woman does lose control and starts yelling, throwing objects, cussing or (heaven forbid) physically lashing out at her HOH, she should be spanked immediately, swiftly and severely – no matter what crime her HOH is guilty of! The woman would not be spanked for her HOH’s wrong doing (as some women foolishly think) but would be punished for her own wrongful attitude and/or misbehaviour regarding her HOH’s wrong doing.

Some women think that if the HOH does something wrong then they are miraculously let off the hook. They mistakenly think that they have gained the moral high ground and can let their emotions run riot. Such feminine misbehaviour should be severely dealt with. The dynamics of Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is all to do with the synergy between the masculine and feminine energies. The woman has gone to great lengths to remain at her most submissive and the HOH has gone to great lengths to keep her there. The woman should value her submission more than anything else, since it is an integral part of her. Her submission is who she is, what she is and how she behaves. Coming out of this most natural and feminine state for even a moment, would jeopardise the woman’s true identity and expression of her womanhood. If the woman is in an absolute rage and feels that her emotions are ready to wreak havoc, then she should submissively ask her HOH to spank her (pre-emptively or stress relief) in order for her to maintain her optimum level of submission. Once the woman has been soundly spanked and has reached catharsis, she is then in a position to calmly talk to her HOH about any hurt feeling she may have. Discussing her sorrow of being let down by her HOH after a spanking can be very effective since the woman will now be in a calmer state of mind and heart. After her spanking the woman will be more coherent, thus will be in a position to apply reasoning as to why her HOH did what he did. Such reasoning leads to a greater understanding and true empathy and compassion for how her HOH must be feeling, which in turn leads to true healing and forgiveness.

Sometimes the woman may be perfectly calm, but may submissively offer herself to be spanked as a way of releasing her HOH’s tension. At other times the woman may be calm but may miss this wonderful opportunity of submissive service to her HOH. Her HOH can instruct a “just because” spanking himself to relieve his stress, or can instigate a “submission spanking” to his woman for not being alert to his needs by submissively offering this herself.

When the HOH does something wrong or hurtful, the first thing that many women feel they must to do, is talk to their female friend. Whilst it is only natural that she may want to do this, such an action could have serious repercussions, particularly if her friend is not from a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. If the female is her friend and not a mutual friend, then any support that the woman will receive will be bias and may not consider the HOH or the unity of their marriage. Furthermore, since women’s emotions have a habit of becoming overwrought and over exaggerated, when the two women get together all havoc could let lose. Any support could result in making things worse by spurring the woman onto increased bouts of rebellion and other misbehaviour. So, at best, talking with another female could result in idle and hurtful gossip about the HOH, or at worse, the female friend may have planted ideas of divorce and other terminally infectious thoughts into the woman. The female friend may even make the woman feel guilty or weak for wanting to stay with her HOH.

Discussing problems with another submissive woman would be ideal, particularly if the other woman is from a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. A woman who submissively lives the same lifestyle would be best suited to giving advice, offering support and a shoulder to cry on. This is because the submissive friend would strive to encourage and support her friend’s submission to her HOH at this difficult time. As a counterbalance it would be even better to also seek advice with another HOH, particularly if he is a friend of the woman’s HOH. The one good solid thing which men are renowned for is that they don’t allow their emotions to take control of them. Asking another HOH is also a good choice because he will be able to examine her HOHs wrong doing objectively, from a masculine perspective and then offer his views accordingly.

To conclude,

In a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship a HOH’s wrongness can only be regarded as a mistake if he tells his woman that he has made a mistake. All acts of wrongness that the woman “perceives” or “imagines” should be put down to feminine interference/control and punished accordingly. HOHs are not godlike or infallible and are prone to human errors, like everyone else. This does not detract or discredit them from being good leaders and HOHs.

A lovingly submissive wife should always strive to support her HOH by forgiveness, compassion and understanding. Her submissive acts of service to her HOH will encourage her HOH’s resolve as her leader when he may doubt his own strengths in this area. Maintaining submission, even in the bleakest times is imperative. Discontinuing a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship in trying times would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. It is at the times when our lives hit rock bottom, that the need for the stabilising effects of LDD are most needed.

Self-control at these testing times is paramount. The woman should not allow her emotions to control her. The woman should submissively ask for stress relief spankings to relieve some of her pent up anger and frustration. Any outward displays of passion or tantrums should be punished severely. The woman should also offer herself to be spanked as a way of helping her HOH to alleviate his stress. Offering this service is a non-verbal service which strengthens and re-establishes the HOH’s authority. This small act of service is especially important when the HOH’s beliefs in himself as leader might be wavering.

Discussing private matters with a third party should be broached very carefully. Choosing a friend who is in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship would be ideal. Any support offered would include the couple as a unit and not from an individual perspective. Any support would strive to reinforce the woman’s submission and obedience to her HOH’s authority. Choosing a LDD friend would be highly beneficial, since all support given would strive to put them back in touch with the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, which is all about building stronger marriages by creating unity, harmony, forgiveness and love.


At 28.10.07, Anonymous Sara said...

C, a good essay that has given me things to think about. I have been writing about the same issue on my blog this week from a very personal perspective. It is a huge challenge to find the strength to handle things well when he might not. I am not sure I agree with your belief that it is not a woman's place to make any judgements on her husbands behaviors or actions. I think we do and must. I do agree that it becomes our job to work hard to not let his mistake effect our ability to be the submissive and loving wife we need to be, for him and for us. Easier said than done!

At 28.10.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Sara,

Thank you for your comment. I have just been over to read your blog which is very interesting and well written. I will need to reread it before leaving a comment, you made many interesting points.

I think that whilst it is hard not to make judgements, we should refrain from doing so. Making a judgement prevents us from allowing the necessary flexibility to analyse the situation to some depth. To sit in judgement over our HOH's mistake, would make us rise above our HOH. This would have a very negative impact on our submission and our HOHs authority.

You are right when you say, "Easier said than done!" Although submission is a very natural feminine urge, it is certainly very difficult to remain in this state especially when we are faced with major hurdles. Submission may not be easy but the rewards are immense.

At 30.10.07, Blogger AKB said...

As always another great Essay. This has been a subject I have struggled with since we began our Ldd relationship and still struggle with today. Some issues a simple I am sorry does not seem suffinet to me. I am not sure exactly what else i expect out of my husband at these times but it seems i expect something more than I am sorry. I guess in some ways I do feel he is getting let off the hook easy. It is hard because outside of the internet I have no Ldd friends to discuss things with. So most of the time I am left trying to figure things out in my own head. Scary thought I know =-). It is a constant struggle trying to behave in the most submissive way. Thank you for all the insights you offer.

take care AKB

At 30.10.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear AKB,

I know it can seem isolating at times. Like you, I also felt very much alone as far as LDD went. In the beginning I too felt that I had no one other than my HOH with whom I could discuss things. Your LDD friends on the net may be many miles from you in distance (geographically speaking) but the friendships that you forge and support you can both offer to others and receive yourself, are genuine. It is this which makes our community; it is this that is the important fabric of what is holding our community together.

If I wasn't so far I would really like to give you a big hug now. I know how hard you have been trying with your new health plan, submission and your support to others who are new to LDD. AKB you are an inspiration!


At 31.10.07, Blogger AKB said...

Thank you ~C~. and most of all thank you for understanding. AKB

At 1.11.07, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am HOH of my wife and family. My authority goes completely unquestioned by a wife who totally embraces her submission and obedience. I am a very fortunate man! Here are my decisions on the matters raised in your essay.

When a Husband takes up his position as HOH he also takes on new responsibilities. He is expected and must lead by example. He must look to his life in an enquiring way to ensure that his behavior is beyond criticism. For example, in the business world there is a difference between a person who is an employee and the person who leads a major corporation. A leader is more accountable!

He who chooses to lead must be more careful with their life. So firstly a HOH Husband should not make any mistakes that are within his control. For example he must not be unfaithful to his wife, or take drugs, or be an alcoholic. It is right and proper for a submissive wife to be unforgiving in this circumstance. A submissive wife must insist that her HOH leads a virtuous life. If his wrongs show weakness of character she should withhold her submission and forgiveness. After all how can she submit to a fool!

If the problem is minor her best course of action is to ignore it. Part of deal of being a submissive wife is that your Husband deals with all problems. Offer no help or advice, smile, be happy and make his life as relaxed and happy as possible.

If the problem is large and despite her HOH’s best efforts something goes wrong a submissive wife has an excellent opportunity to strengthen her bond with her Husband. Once again offer no advice however tell him very clearly that you adore him and will be there for comfort and support not matter watch happens. When a husband is besieged with problems he mostly needs a quiet and loving place to get away from the mess. He will thank you for being the sanctuary that provides him with love, peace and harmony.

Every life has problems both big and small. It says a lot about a marriage that gains strength from adversity.

At 3.11.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear all knowing man,

Thank you very much for your comment. I really appreciate and value any knowledge from a HOHs perspective.

It is truly wonderful that your loving wife embraces her submission and obedience without question. You must be a very strong leader to have managed this level of compliance from her.

I think that human nature and human relationships are very complicated. Bad things can and do happen. Even the biggest mistakes like alcoholism has a root cause – no one chooses to be an alcoholic. For example a loving HOH may find himself hitting the bottle after the death of their child, if he feels in some way to blame. He may have installed the child seatbelt incorrectly and after a fatal car accident feels that he is solely to blame for their child’s death.

Being unfaithful happens. Most of the best leaders in the word were unfaithful and had mistresses on the side. I am certainly not condoning this, but I would like to make a parallel here with women. I have read various blogs where the woman has admitted adultery and is punished and forgiven for her crime. The point here is that there seems to be many more women who are forgiven by their HOH for unfaithfulness, than HOHs forgiven by their women.

I do agree that strength of character are commended attributes in both the HOH and his woman. But I think that it is with her strength of character that the woman must try and forgive even the biggest mistakes. She would not be submitting to a fool, since she did not marry a fool. She might be submitting to a man who has made a foolish mistake, but there again how many foolish mistakes is she herself guilty of? She will be submitting to the man she loves - not a fool.

You are so right when you say that marriage gains strength from adversity.

All the best,


At 6.11.07, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to leave a comment if I may.I enjoyed the essay, but at some point I do think that it is our responsibility to gently, and lovingly direct our hoh to his wrong doing especially in the case that it is a repeated wrong doing.I whole heartedly believe that I am to be a help meet to him and how can I be if I cannot help to strengthen his charecter. I do understand what you're saying about rising above our HOH and I truly believe it's all in the manner in which you do it. and I'm sorry should be enough to correct it, however if our HOH continues to committ the same wrong then it could leave us wondering how much he cared about how we felt and also if he was lookig out for our best interest ( which I believe is his responsibility as HOH)It could even cause some bad behavior such as acting out or "bratting" (for a reafirming of his love). anywhooo just some food for thought. I appreciate your blog I've read it from start to present and it has been an encouragement to me. I also agree that akb IS an inspiration. I read her blog faithfully and occasionally comment.thankyou both for your thoughts.

At 7.11.07, Anonymous Sara said...

C, I have been thinking for a few days about your responses to these comments. I have one concern.

It seems to me that not only do many women today have difficulty with the idea let alone the practice of submitting, but many men have trouble with the idea let alone the practice of leading.

Couples tend to grow together, which is a good thing. Still some men do not want or do well with the responsibilities, and they are unwilling to do the work. This leaves their wife only partially led or cared for. She takes up the slack, so to speak.

Recently, on a private Dd forum I belong to, a woman asked for advice. Her HoH decided to have an affair. He told her that he decided to have a marriage and a girl friend, and as HoH this was his place to demand this of her. She wanted to know where the boundaries are. She wanted to say she refused to accept that. I am so lucky to be married to a man who sees his role as HoH as one of tremendous responsibility, and works hard to live up to the challenge. It seems many women are not so fortunate.

I think even in a Dd marriage we do have to have agreed upon boundaries of acceptable behavior and responsibilities for both parties. If a woman feels her place is never to judge, she loses her status as an individual with rights. Very dangerous IMO. In the case of the woman above there was not one woman, nor one HoH, who advised her to accept her husbands idea of a Dd marriage.

Just some food for thought.

At 9.11.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear ac,

Of course you may leave a comment – I like getting comments :-)

You are absolutely right when you say that we have responsibilities as submissive wives to lovingly and submissively support our husbands through any mistake he may have made. You are also right when you said it all rests on the manner in which this is done. In fact, this point you raised is central to the Loving Domestic Discipline way of life. You also raise the issue about a HOHs repeated mistakes and also strengthening his character.

Submission is the only sure way of strengthening a HOHs character. Each time a woman submissively, obediently and unreservedly complies to her HOHs instructions, she is strengthening his character as an authoritative and strong leader. Each time her HOH instructs her and praises her, the woman’s character is strengthened as a submissive and obedient wife. This is a synergistic, beautiful and timeless exchange between a man and his woman.

Within her submissive framework a woman is free to respectfully air her views and opinions. Her HOH is the lead, but she is second in command. It is her duty to warn her HOH of any perils on the horizon (that he may not be aware of) to avoid mistakes from being made. Sometimes the HOH may follow her advice and sometimes not. If the HOH makes repeated mistakes the woman needs to try and find the reasons for her man’s sudden demise. The woman will need to lovingly support her HOH in his difficult time whilst also offering him the space when needed. Communication in any marriage is essential. One of the many benefits of the LDD lifestyle is that communication is greatly enhanced. The woman may submissively and respectfully communicate to her HOH how his repeated wrong doings are affecting her and the rest of the family. But such a thing can only be done within a submissive and respectful framework. Such an action should only be done sensitively and tenderly – the woman is broaching into dangerous territory and she should broach very carefully!

The HOH is supreme ruler of the home and family. Like a General in the army he is followed and blindly obeyed. The HOH is blindly obeyed because to question his instructions would be questioning his authority. In a marriage blind obedience is also characterised as blind trust. An example of blind obedience was given in a DD forum about a family who were rock climbing. The HOH gave a crucial instruction to one of his children; the child obeyed instantly and was saved from potentially fatal danger. The reason why the child obeyed without questioning or hesitating was because the child grew up in a home where the father, as HOH, was always obeyed without question. The child grew up in a family where the father’s authority was always supported and upheld by the mother – in every circumstance.

A General doesn’t just find himself in such a high ranking position. A General has risen through the ranks and achieved/earned this position because he is an “outstanding” leader. If he makes a mistake his whole regiment suffers – most Generals have made mistakes, due to human error (it would be highly implausible not to make a mistake) and the regiment take this as part of the course. His mistake may have lost many lives - but he is still their leader, nothing alters that.

In family life, the woman chooses a suitable leader who will be her HOH. If he is not at all suitable and repeatedly makes the same mistake which is harming his health or the unit of the family – then why did she select him as her leader? Why did she marry him? Surely she only has herself to blame? If she chose a good leader who led well for many years and recently started making repeated mistakes then the woman should be asking herself “Why?” “What has changed?” The woman should try to find the cause of this change of behaviour. Finding the cause would primarily mean quietly trying to get to the bottom of it without necessarily raising the issue with her HOH - at least not initially.

If the repeated wrong doing is due to an addiction, for example, then finding the reasons why the addiction started would go a long way into helping the woman truly empathise and help her HOH. Once the root cause is established, it is then the woman’s duty to lovingly and submissively support her HOH through these problems. For example, if the HOH loses his job, he may feel worthless after many months of rejected applications for a new job. This feeling of worthlessness would be exacerbated with the increasing financial strain, especially if he is the sole breadwinner. He may be driven to solve the families crumbling finances by gambling. If the gambling pays off and he is successful in his early attempts, he will be spurred to try for bigger and greater stakes, each time in the hope of winning the jackpot. Before long, the HOH may find himself with a serious gambling addiction. Breaking this repeated destructive behaviour can only really be achieved with a great deal of love, support, understanding and submission to his maleness and authority – he is still HOH, nothing alters that.

Any confrontation or judgement will only make matters worse. In basic sociology there is something called the “labelling process” if you are to label, name, judge or condemn someone as wrong, useless or unworthy, then they will feel useless. Feeling useless only causes a lack of self-esteem which renders them unable to lead. If you label someone as a good, valuable and much needed leader then you will make him feel like a good and strong leader. The HOH must come to realise his mistake himself. The woman may submissively talk about how the consequences of his actions are making her feel, but she should never confront or judge him. Any confrontation when he has not realised his mistake will only cause friction in the family. Many people with addictions refuse to see that they have a problem. Besides, any confrontation will seriously undermine the HOHs authority where he will feel challenged and threatened. Talking about her feelings will make her message understood in a gentler and accommodating way. Talking gently and lovingly with her HOH will more likely result in success, since he will not close down and feel threatened. With submissive, respectful and gentle communication the HOH will be more likely to overcome his addiction. It is a woman’s duty to support her husband through all times – not just the good times. It is a woman’s duty to uphold her man’s authority in the household at all times.

It is absolutely imperative that if the HOH has done something very wrong, that the children continue to see their father’s role and authority in the home supported and upheld. If the (older) children are aware of their father’s mistake, because it has financially impinged on them, then they should have been raised to keep quiet - that the reasons are none of their business. If (younger) children ask, then they should be told not to ask questions like that – that it is none of their concern. Children very quickly understand and learn this. Realistically speaking, children do not really want to be involved with such details and want to continue being children with happy parents. By allowing the children even a small innocuous amount of information could lead to a child playing one parent off against the other and it would most certainly lead to their father’s authority being questioned or weakened in the eyes of the child.

The woman obviously wants her HOHs behaviour to change – only through submission will she achieve this. Coming out of her submission not only detriments her womanhood but it confronts her HOH and undermines his leadership. Coming out of submission also disrupts the whole family unnecessarily. At a time when her HOH is most vulnerable due to alcoholism, gambling, drugs or some other repeated wrong behaviour or addiction, he needs to have all his good attributes highlighted. At such a difficult and challenging time, the HOH will need to have his maleness, authority and leadership adhered to and lovingly upheld, more than ever.

All the best,


At 9.11.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Sara,

It is actually a very interesting comment that you have raised. Thank you for bringing it up. I appreciate “food for thought” :-)

You are right when you say that both women and men have difficulty with the idea and practise of submitting/leading. Society has been very successful at scoffing, belittling and destroying the true natures and identities of both men and women. I remember in one of your posts you stated that feminism should have opened more choices to women (as originally intended) and not barred the way from the original and more traditional choice as is practised in DD.

Being a good leader and HOH is extremely difficult. Being a submissive woman is extremely difficult too. But many couples find that what seems completely inconceivable at the start of their relationship, is in fact quite achievable. They find that because LDD is completely natural (the inter-connection of covert sexual energies between a man and his woman) that very soon the couple finds that natural niche.

I think both men and women can be equally guilty of not taking the responsibility of LDD seriously. I have also heard of women who believe that the whole purpose of LDD is to brat in order to get their bottom spanked. When I suggested to one woman that perhaps she should submissively ask for a spanking instead of bratting, she replied that it would be defeating the purpose! I have also heard of other women who will continually hide transgressions from their HOH out of fear of their spanking, so I guess women can be pretty irresponsible too!

As far as the recent discussion on the DD forum, I am pleased to say that such examples are very rare. When women get married they fall in love with a certain type of man who will make a good leader, husband and father. If the woman made a wrong choice and married the wrong type of man, then it is very unfortunate.

I think that also in rare circumstances you might find that the submissive woman would offer her HOH to find a sexual partner if she could no longer offer sex herself. She may, for example, have become paralysed after an accident? So I suppose in rare circumstances such things can happen…

I think if I were the woman from the forum I would be asking the question, “Why does my HOH have a need for another woman? I would perhaps examine my own failings as a wife. After all if a HOH is adored, respected, obeyed and has his sexual and emotional needs cared for, there would be absolutely no need to go into the arms of another woman, would there?

A woman has a duty as a wife to attend to her husband’s physical and emotional needs. Physically the woman should always be prepared and ready for her HOH – at any time of day or night. She should never refuse sex with him, to do so would be a big punishable offence (unless she was sick). She should be freshly waxed, freshly showered with soft moisturised skin and tastefully dressed at all times. Taking care of every minute detail of her femininity should form part of her regular daily and nightly routine. Physical appearance is also very much reliant on how she sits - with a straight back (it is very ungainly to slouch) how she walks – straight smooth and elegantly, how she talks - softly with no vulgar words. Also how she conducts herself - manners are such a small thing but crucial to a woman’s femininity. She should always have impeccable manners and remember to say please and thank you. She should also treat the vagabond who comes to her door with the same dignity and respect as a royal dignitary. A woman can be incredibly beautiful and wear very elegant clothes, but if she slouches, thumps around or drags her feet, yells or grunts, then regardless of her beauty, no Coco Channel or other expensive brands will compensate for her lack of femininity.

Emotionally a woman needs to always be two steps ahead of her HOH. She needs to predict his every need. If he is tired after work and wants to relax in the bath she should not only run it, but remember to put a freshly clean towel on the radiator and slippers and robe by the fire to be nice and warm for him when he gets out. She should submissively ask her HOH if he wants her to bath him. If agreeable she should quietly soap him without verbal communication to allow him to lay back and relax. She should light aromatic candles and have soft music playing in the background. If he doesn’t want a bath she should always be prepared to rub her HOHs back, neck or feet after his working day, or offer a full body massage if this is what he should want. Attending to her HOHs health and dietary requirements is also paramount. Cooking fresh meals and balancing both their dietary needs is essential. The smell of freshly baked bread, good healthy home cooked food, a good vintage wine and a smiling wife will bring happiness to any man. The wife must strive to make the home into his sanctuary. As the saying goes “An English man’s home is his castle.” Attending to a HOH emotionally does not only mean predicting his needs but being in tune with his emotions. If her HOH is sad or stressed then it is her job to make life as stress free and pleasant as possible. A good wife is there to always listen and support her husband; she should always strive to make her HOH understand that any problem he has whether it is work related or family related is her problem too. If her HOH has to stay up all night working on a project she should offer to stay up with him and help with the typing or formatting. She is not just his wife and help mate but his best friend too.

You know Sara, my HOH had an affair. It is something I don’t talk about anymore since I have moved on – we both have. I can quite candidly say to you that I was 90% to blame for my HOHs affair. Why? Because I neglected his physical needs for a long time. In the end R stopped trying. I rejected his masculinity so many times - he must have felt terribly rejected! I tried to overcompensate by attending to his emotional needs at great length, but we simply ended up living as a loving brother and sister. This worked until he lost his mother and I lost my grandparents within a few months of each other. I was so wrapped up in grief that I did not attend to his emotional needs at a time when he needed me most. Surprisingly, a man’s affair is most often a woman’s fault, not a man’s. I did not realise that the fault was in me (not consciously at least) until I read Laura Doyle’s book “The Surrendered Wife.” There were only a few lines written about this but they seemed to jump off the page at me. I have had many emails from women saying that R should never be trusted again. But what people fail to realise is that marital situations are seldom clear cut – they are never black and white, but shades of grey.

I don’t really know what you mean about judging, Sara? Maybe we are both misunderstanding each other? Of course the woman has opinions, but it is how she airs them that counts. As long as the woman quietly, respectfully and lovingly talks with her HOH, then she should talk about anything – she should certainly never hold anything back. Judging seems very harsh… Personally I don’t think I am in a position to judge anyone, let alone my loving HOH. I think we may have to agree to disagree on that one… I recognise that my beliefs maybe a little old fashioned (I was raised with grandparents) I also married in my teens and never worked outside the home until two years ago, so I may think/act quite differently. But whether we agree or disagree on small issues doesn’t detract from the many benefits that LDD can bring. The true beauty of LDD is its flexibility. LDD can be moulded and structured to suit any couple and any relationship. Apart from a woman’s submission and obedience to her corresponding masculine authority there are no hard and fast rules.

All the best,

At 20.11.07, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi All

Check out my new blog about Sexual Obedience.

Best Wishes

At 20.11.07, Anonymous Kate said...

Dear C,
I have just come back from the Highlands of New Guinea (doing business there is a lot of fun I can tell you) and have read your latest post.
My HOH allows me to discuss any issue with him but I must be very respectful and submissive. A couple of times I have become to animated which has meant a trip to the punishment room with very painful consequences for my bottom.
My HOH believes strongly, that humiliation is as important as pain in my punishment. I feel sometimes, with some of my discipline, that I am a pledge in
a Sorority.
I was surprised to read that your last caning was 18 months ago. Is your HOH as strict with you as he was at the beginning (my HOH is very strict with me ) or has your relationship mellowed.
Most times I receive a bare bottom caning for more serious faults, but once I was caned for forgetting to buy his corflakes.
Of course I accepted the punishment with good grace and thanked him by going down on him.
You said you only receive the cane for serious faults, how would you feel if you were caned for something minor?
Kind regards


At 20.11.07, Anonymous Kate said...

Dear C,
I have just come back from the Highlands of New Guinea (doing business there is a lot of fun I can tell you) and have read your latest post.
My HOH allows me to discuss any issue with him but I must be very respectful and submissive. A couple of times I have become to animated which has meant a trip to the punishment room with very painful consequences for my bottom.
My HOH believes strongly, that humiliation is as important as pain in my punishment. I feel sometimes, with some of my discipline, that I am a pledge in
a Sorority.
I was surprised to read that your last caning was 18 months ago. Is your HOH as strict with you as he was at the beginning (my HOH is very strict with me ) or has your relationship mellowed.
Most times I receive a bare bottom caning for more serious faults, but once I was caned for forgetting to buy his corflakes.
Of course I accepted the punishment with good grace and thanked him by going down on him.
You said you only receive the cane for serious faults, how would you feel if you were caned for something minor?
Kind regards


At 2.12.07, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Kate,

I think that my behaviour has improved since the start of LDD - so I rarely get the cane anymore. At the start of LDD I would get the cane once a fortnight.

I am glad you had a great time in New guinea, this is one place I would very much like to visit one day. Sorry for the long delay, I am away in Africa presently and cant quite get used to this keyboard. I will be back home at the end of February, so will write more then.

All the best,


At 9.12.07, Anonymous Spanking Latino said...

I like this blog. Gretings!!!

At 4.2.08, Blogger Richard said...

A thought provoking essay. We haven't found it to be such a struggle, but I'm sure it is for many.

At 15.3.08, Blogger Tory said...

Hello C!
I am a submissive in the US, and was looking for a way to email you to ask you some questions. Unfortunately (and i probably just overlooked it), I can't find your email address, so I will leave mine.
Please respond at your convenience, and thanks so much for the insightful, intelligent material!

At 21.3.08, Anonymous Mr.C said...

Being an HOH is not at all easy. It is my job to safe guard the emotional and physical well being of my woman. The level of self control that must be exerted at all times by an HOH is immense. We can all be assailed by self doubt on occasion, even the most confident of us may falter if we make a major mistake. But our mistakes should be exactly that, not self indulgent nonesense. Mistakes are understandable given the fact that we are indeed only human. Self indulgent nonesense is not. Taking on girlfriends to the emotional detriment of our woman IS self indulgent nonesense. I am an HOH because I deserve to be, it is not actually a right nor is my position written in tablets of stone.

Very well written and thoughtful article. Well done.

At 23.3.08, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Mr C,

Thank you so much for your input. It is always great to hear the views of other HOHs.

I imagine that the self control exerted by you, all of the time, must be immense. Your woman is truly lucky to have such leadership and guidance from you.
Thank you, Sir, once again for sharing your comments. They are very much appreciated.


At 24.3.08, Blogger Kurious_29 said...

Thank you for this blog. As I am new to this me and my Sir have discussed this issue a lot. I was feeling that is was wrong to punish me for something especially if he commits the same mistake. I am still at odds with this but this essay has helped me considerablely(sp?)

At 27.3.08, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Kurious_29,

Thank you for your comment. I am of the opinion that as "women" we tend to do rather too much thinking! Our thought processes (due to hormones and other feminine misguided emotions) are not always as coherent as our HOHs.

One of my grandfather's favourite sayings to the female members of his family was:

"Less thinking equates to more work."

Not that my grandfather believed that women should not have their own thoughts and feelings. But in a crisis, women often chew over a problem and chat about it endlessly over the phone, rather than act on it – i.e. they let their feelings and emotions take over the situation.

I think that you will find that if you relinquish control and surrender your complete beautiful feminine self, without thinking about your HOHs failings as a man, you will find a much closer unity, harmony, deep sexual satisfaction and love. To surrender your very soul to your man is the biggest gift you can give to him. In turn, your man’s leadership will grow to a point where he has fewer failings. Ultimately, with such unadulterated surrender you will gain a deeper love and understanding of the masculine and feminine energies between you. Your submission will unlock the core of your femininity which in turn will tease out your man’s authority.

I am SO glad that you have started this lifestyle. I am also happy that you found my essay useful. I would be very interested what your man's views are? If you have time, that is?



At 30.5.08, Anonymous Spanking OTK said...

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At 13.6.08, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was just wondering, and open to opinions, but the more submissive I get the more I kind of feel like if my husband wants sex outside the marriage, I will be quiet and that is his choice. He loves me, he is a wonderful man. Complete submission is complete, no? I am not going to judge him, no. He did have an affair, which was when I was not being kind to him. We are over that. I now feel like if he looks, flirts, or whatever, I will still be a good girl. It is humiliating, yes. But that is part of it. I love him. For the record, since I have been submissive he has not looked outside the marriage - but I don't expect him to be faithful only to me. Mistresses, girlfriends, one night events, they have happened for a long time.

At 13.6.08, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear anonymous,

Thank you for your comment. You actually raise a very interesting point - one with which I completely agree.

I would like to say that although the area of your query is too advanced for the “traditional” LDD framework (because of the advanced nature of your own submission) your acceptance of your husband's desires are most certainly within the framework of your own deep submission.

I think you should be congratulated for having such deep submission! Not many women have reached such a level. This not only proves your love but also your complete unadulterated "trust" in your HOH. I believe from your post that you feel that if it makes him happy and more fulfilled as a man, then it will make you happy and more fulfilled as a woman, to see him happy? This is true love!

The fact that your HOH is wanting this, does not in anyway detract from his love for you. Sex is a very physical action for a man, unlike a woman who is more emotionally connected. If anything, he will love you more when he sees your eagerness and positive attitude towards his intentions/desires. By seeing you so supportive and full of love you will radiate in your submission. For truly masculine and authoritative men such deep display of submission is a mark of true beauty in a woman! :-)

You are right complete submission is exactly that. Complete submission is complete obedience and trust to your HOHs authority. He is a lucky man to have you! Thank you for stopping by and sharing with us!

All my best,


At 13.6.08, Anonymous Shelley said...

Dear C's Correction,
Thanks so much for commenting on my post. It is such a profound relief to find other wives who think like I do. I have found that letting go of that particular control over my HOH (whether he does anything with other women) (or any control) is a relief. I am so happy to get support for what I deeply feel is right, and what makes me so content and happy.

At 3.3.09, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear C.,
I am a young female getting ready to get married, my Fiance knows that I ma thinking of this lifestyle ideal with him. I was jsut wondering if you had any idea as to how I am to tell him that I feel that he deserves to be HOH, and I am willing to submit to him.

At 22.3.09, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm very much into being a submissive but I can't agree at all with you. To shore up his ego knowing he did something wrong and he knows he did but no one speaks of it and instead we offer ourselves up to be punished because he did something wrong and needs his fragile ego rebuilt discredits the strong person that he is. He doesn't need false submission.

At 22.3.09, Blogger C's Correction said...

Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure, but perhaps we are not so different in our opinions?

I think, what I was trying so inaptly to say, is that it is a very fine balancing act. On one hand, if the HOH does something wrong the very last thing that a woman should do is to come out of her submission. The woman should strive at 24/7 submission regardless of the circumstances surrounding her. To do less, discredits her as a truly submissive woman.

A submissive woman is by no means a door mat, the gift of her submission empowers her man's leadership, dominance and authority. To act unsubmissively, will ultimately weaken him. Just as it works in reverse - with no consistent leadership/authority from her man, will inevitably weaken the woman's own submission.

There are so many different scenarios here, so it is hard to speak in general terms. However, "generally" for not so serious day to day errors, it is worthwhile to remember your "place" in this kind of relationship. Whether it be DD M/s D/s the dynamic is the same and that very dynamic places you "under" his strict leadership, protection and authority. To air your views respectfully is healthy and commendable (no loving consenting Dom would disallow this) but to whinge and whine is not. It is after all his overall decision - he may take your point and act on it or may decide not to. He is the leader, Sir, Master, HOH - you are not.

If the error is more serious (alcoholism, drugs etc...) then it is obvious he is not fit to lead. You then have the option of getting him to seek professional help or leaving the marriage. But you never have the option of coming out of your submission. Besides, as your submission grows and deepens it will become such an integral part of you, that acting anything less than submissive would prove impossible.

All the best,


At 16.9.09, Anonymous Nur Yaqin said...

Blogwalking! your blog is very good

At 16.9.09, Blogger C's Correction said...

Thank you Nur :-)


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