Essay – When the HOH Does Something Wrong

This essay will examine the possibilities of when the male HOH (Head of House) does something wrong and how the woman should react from a Loving Domestic Discipline perspective. This is an incredibly sensitive topic, and quite a difficult issue to discuss, but nevertheless, it is one which frequently crops up in various LDD discussions. I believe that it is both important and necessary for submissive women to know how to best approach issues such as this. However, due to this highly sensitive subject I hope not to cause offence to any HOHs reading this essay. If I do then I most humbly apologise.

It is extremely important to stress that “wrongness” as discussed in this essay, does not mean questioning our HOHs rules simply because they do not suit us as women! It is imperative for the women reading this essay to understand this. In a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship any masculine wrongness ONLY comes into question if and when the HOH has foreseen his mistake and told his woman about it. Good leaders always admit to having made a mistake - it is part of their true greatness and integrity as men. The HOH after all sees the bigger picture, often a picture women are not always aware of. What women may foolishly perceive as “wrong” may turn out perfectly “right” in the end. We do not always know our HOHs plan. He makes the rules and we follow. The HOH is supreme ruler of his household. The woman succumbs to a male led relationship and unquestioningly obeys his authority.

No HOH is incapable from making mistakes. No HOH is infallible. HOHs are not God or godlike. They are human and make errors like the rest of us. The only difference is that when a woman does something wrong she is accountable for her misbehaviour to her HOH and is punished for it via lovingly applied discipline. When the HOH does something wrong he is accountable to no one but himself or God. For this reason it can be especially hard when the HOH does make a mistake, it can be especially isolating for him. As women we know that a spanking has the powerful effect of instantly absolving any guilt we have felt prior to our correction. The aftermath of our spanking leaves us cleansed, reconnected, redeemed and forgiven as we weep remorsefully in our HOH’s arms. But when the HOH does something wrong, more often than not he becomes scrutinised and doubted by his woman in his resolve as an effective leader and HOH.

I think as women we demand too much from our HOH - we can sometimes place unrealistic and godlike expectations on him. Whilst it is true that our HOH is in a position of authority and leadership, he is nevertheless a man and not someone with superhuman powers. People in authority do make mistakes, but this does not change the fact that they are in authority. Sometimes our HOHs decisions are right and sometimes they are wrong. It is a submissive wife’s duty to accept this and expect the inevitability that mistakes can and will be made.

What should the woman do when the HOH does something wrong?

It is the woman’s duty as a loving partner or wife to support her HOH through whatever wrong decision or action he may have made. It is a woman’s duty as a loving wife to forgive her HOH, just like the many times he has forgiven her. With her love, submission, understanding and support her HOH will cherish his woman for this strength. Some people wrongly assume that a submissive woman is weak, but nothing can be further from the truth. It can be at highly emotionally tense times like these that the woman’s submission and strength are tested to their limits.

Whilst it is true that a wife has many duties of love and support to her husband, as a LDD wife her responsibilities are increased. When a leader makes a mistake he is often the one who will suffer the most. Men do not talk about emotional problems with friends in the same way as women. When a leader makes a mistake (particularly if it is a big one) he will often question his own leadership skills and authority. It is extremely difficult for the HOH to exert authority over his wife if he has done something wrong. It is, therefore, imperative for the woman to show inordinate amounts of submission, obedience and respect so as to boost her HOH’s resolve. This will show him that she will always yield to his decisions and understands when mistakes are made.

HOHs will only start to forgive themselves if his loving wife has forgiven him. Usually being verbally told you forgive someone is not as affective as being shown that you forgive them. Both verbally telling and physically showing the HOH that he is forgiven is paramount to re-establishing harmony and balance in the home. The quiet non-verbal acts of everyday service she performs as a loving submissive wife will encourage her HOH that he is a good, valued and worthy leader.

Many women who are new to the Loving Domestic Discipline relationship feel that it is not fair that their HOH is not spanked for doing something wrong, when they themselves are spanked for wrong doing. It takes a while for these women to understand the dynamics of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. The most fundamental reason for so many women desiring to live in a LDD relationship is to discover their submission and true femininity. Once they start to recognise and welcome their submissive urges and instincts they become immersed in their own feminine centre and sexuality. The discovery of their true feminine nature makes them reconnect with both their inner child and inner slut. Such reconnection makes them much more at peace and harmony with themselves. Growing deeper in submission is the one objective that women strive for in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship and this can only be achieved by adhering to male authority.

When a man takes authority over his household and becomes HOH his wife must learn very quickly that any decision he makes is his to make. His wife may offer her opinions and talk to her HOH at some length, but at the end of the discussion, the HOH makes the final decision. He may change his mind later, but he alone has the overall responsibility for his family. A submissive wife should never question her husband’s authority. I believe that one of the reasons for the decline in marriage and why so many people have returned to LDD, is that society has taught us to view family life as individuals. Viewing life from an egotistically individualistic perspective severely hampers us from the unity and partnership required in a marriage. Being a partnership means acting as a team, the husband being the head of that team and his wife the helpmate of that team. As with all teams - rules prevail, the HOH sets those rules and his woman obeys.

It is only natural for the woman to be angry with her HOH, but she must exercise self-control and not allow her emotions to take over. She must take time to reflect on what went wrong and what part (if any) she had in her HOH’s wrong doings. It is her duty as a wife and part of her marriage vows to aid and support her husband through any problems he may have inadvertently caused.

Sometimes looking at the suffering of others can take the pain of our own suffering away, or lessen it considerably. Sometimes looking at people who have shown particular courage can overshadow our own suffering. One broadcast I found particularly memorable, was the remarkable strength of character Alan Johnston, the BBC Gaza correspondent showed when he was held in captivity. In a recent Panorama documentary, he revealed that the only thing that he had that the guards could not take away, was his self-control. He refused to break down into depression and kept his mind as active and positive as possible. Watching him speak, I couldn’t help thinking what remarkable leadership/HOH qualities he had. Most people would have broken down at the prospect of thinking that everyday may be their last. Not many people can claim such strength of character.

Strength of character is something that women must work on. Women living the Loving Domestic Discipline way of life are not doormats or spineless individuals. As women admire men who show strength of character as true leaders, men also admire women who show strength of character. If something were to happen to the HOH where the woman must fend for herself, then the HOH must know that his woman is strong and capable. If the HOH makes a big mistake where the repercussions will affect the whole family, the HOH needs to know that his woman is strong and capable to help pull him and their family through. Sometimes women can be so wrapped up in their own (relatively small) sufferings that they don’t look at all the wonderful things that they do have. Health, wealth and family life can become almost like a given right, so that when things do go wrong it can seem like a devastation.

It is important for women to realise that there is no pain too great. Even trust once broken can be rebuilt…

What the woman should not do when the HOH does something wrong!

Women engaging in a Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle should never lose control of their emotions. Whilst emotions are good, positive and natural, losing control by allowing rage and anger to consume the woman is very bad. If the woman does lose control and starts yelling, throwing objects, cussing or (heaven forbid) physically lashing out at her HOH, she should be spanked immediately, swiftly and severely – no matter what crime her HOH is guilty of! The woman would not be spanked for her HOH’s wrong doing (as some women foolishly think) but would be punished for her own wrongful attitude and/or misbehaviour regarding her HOH’s wrong doing.

Some women think that if the HOH does something wrong then they are miraculously let off the hook. They mistakenly think that they have gained the moral high ground and can let their emotions run riot. Such feminine misbehaviour should be severely dealt with. The dynamics of Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is all to do with the synergy between the masculine and feminine energies. The woman has gone to great lengths to remain at her most submissive and the HOH has gone to great lengths to keep her there. The woman should value her submission more than anything else, since it is an integral part of her. Her submission is who she is, what she is and how she behaves. Coming out of this most natural and feminine state for even a moment, would jeopardise the woman’s true identity and expression of her womanhood. If the woman is in an absolute rage and feels that her emotions are ready to wreak havoc, then she should submissively ask her HOH to spank her (pre-emptively or stress relief) in order for her to maintain her optimum level of submission. Once the woman has been soundly spanked and has reached catharsis, she is then in a position to calmly talk to her HOH about any hurt feeling she may have. Discussing her sorrow of being let down by her HOH after a spanking can be very effective since the woman will now be in a calmer state of mind and heart. After her spanking the woman will be more coherent, thus will be in a position to apply reasoning as to why her HOH did what he did. Such reasoning leads to a greater understanding and true empathy and compassion for how her HOH must be feeling, which in turn leads to true healing and forgiveness.

Sometimes the woman may be perfectly calm, but may submissively offer herself to be spanked as a way of releasing her HOH’s tension. At other times the woman may be calm but may miss this wonderful opportunity of submissive service to her HOH. Her HOH can instruct a “just because” spanking himself to relieve his stress, or can instigate a “submission spanking” to his woman for not being alert to his needs by submissively offering this herself.

When the HOH does something wrong or hurtful, the first thing that many women feel they must to do, is talk to their female friend. Whilst it is only natural that she may want to do this, such an action could have serious repercussions, particularly if her friend is not from a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. If the female is her friend and not a mutual friend, then any support that the woman will receive will be bias and may not consider the HOH or the unity of their marriage. Furthermore, since women’s emotions have a habit of becoming overwrought and over exaggerated, when the two women get together all havoc could let lose. Any support could result in making things worse by spurring the woman onto increased bouts of rebellion and other misbehaviour. So, at best, talking with another female could result in idle and hurtful gossip about the HOH, or at worse, the female friend may have planted ideas of divorce and other terminally infectious thoughts into the woman. The female friend may even make the woman feel guilty or weak for wanting to stay with her HOH.

Discussing problems with another submissive woman would be ideal, particularly if the other woman is from a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. A woman who submissively lives the same lifestyle would be best suited to giving advice, offering support and a shoulder to cry on. This is because the submissive friend would strive to encourage and support her friend’s submission to her HOH at this difficult time. As a counterbalance it would be even better to also seek advice with another HOH, particularly if he is a friend of the woman’s HOH. The one good solid thing which men are renowned for is that they don’t allow their emotions to take control of them. Asking another HOH is also a good choice because he will be able to examine her HOHs wrong doing objectively, from a masculine perspective and then offer his views accordingly.

To conclude,

In a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship a HOH’s wrongness can only be regarded as a mistake if he tells his woman that he has made a mistake. All acts of wrongness that the woman “perceives” or “imagines” should be put down to feminine interference/control and punished accordingly. HOHs are not godlike or infallible and are prone to human errors, like everyone else. This does not detract or discredit them from being good leaders and HOHs.

A lovingly submissive wife should always strive to support her HOH by forgiveness, compassion and understanding. Her submissive acts of service to her HOH will encourage her HOH’s resolve as her leader when he may doubt his own strengths in this area. Maintaining submission, even in the bleakest times is imperative. Discontinuing a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship in trying times would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. It is at the times when our lives hit rock bottom, that the need for the stabilising effects of LDD are most needed.

Self-control at these testing times is paramount. The woman should not allow her emotions to control her. The woman should submissively ask for stress relief spankings to relieve some of her pent up anger and frustration. Any outward displays of passion or tantrums should be punished severely. The woman should also offer herself to be spanked as a way of helping her HOH to alleviate his stress. Offering this service is a non-verbal service which strengthens and re-establishes the HOH’s authority. This small act of service is especially important when the HOH’s beliefs in himself as leader might be wavering.

Discussing private matters with a third party should be broached very carefully. Choosing a friend who is in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship would be ideal. Any support offered would include the couple as a unit and not from an individual perspective. Any support would strive to reinforce the woman’s submission and obedience to her HOH’s authority. Choosing a LDD friend would be highly beneficial, since all support given would strive to put them back in touch with the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, which is all about building stronger marriages by creating unity, harmony, forgiveness and love.