Lovingdd’s latest article, has certainly taken our community by storm. Much to his credit, people seem to have really understood the need for such a discipline. I’m ashamed to admit, that although I understood the deep psychological implications for such a spanking, I was very reticent about it. My defence mechanisms in light of my previous struggle with submission, rendered it impossible to even finish reading his article!
My only consolation was the knowledge that I'd be safe from such a spanking. My HOH has little time to read other blogs, so as long as I didn’t tell him about this article, then I would remain protected.
But what is this "pseudo" protection I’m talking about? I am neither protecting myself, my HOH, nor the rest of my family or friends, with my fluctuating negative attitude and non-submissive misbehaviour. If I had cancer it would be ridiculous to say, “I refuse to have surgery in order to protect myself from the pain and fear of the operation.” It would be ridiculous to presume that the cancer would miraculously disappear of its own accord!
My struggle with submission, is like having terminal cancer. There are so many different levels of negativity inside me. Like tumours, they are slowly eating away and eroding the very core of my femininity. My HOH is not home during the week. I’m not fortunate to benefit from daily maintenance discipline. Had I been lucky enough to receive daily maintenance, I would not be writing about the struggle I’ve been having with submission. These struggles would have been resolved a long time ago.
Why the change of heart?
A few days ago, whilst on the Loving Domestic Discipline site I was reading the “Questions” section. In response to one of the comments Lovingdd wrote:
“Many women feel that their resistance to their spankings is instinctive and beyond their control. This is totally wrong. The more a woman learns to be submissive, the more easily she can submit to her discipline. She will learn to accept and even welcome the pain of her spanking, because she knows how much good it is doing her as a woman.”
This statement of Lovingdd’s had a profound effect on me. Perhaps this acknowledgement took me by surprise, before my defence mechanisms had a chance to go up? After all, I wasn’t expecting to be reading something in the Questions section which (albeit indirectly) corresponded to the article on Transformational Discipline. This one statement was enough to be jolted to the truth. In my heart, I knew that the only way forward, would be to surrender to the acute pain and humiliation of an “Avoid At All Costs” spanking. I went back to read the article, but this time instead of dread, I felt a strange calmness transcend over me...
This afternoon, I told my HOH all about the article on Transformational Discipline. I outlined all the benefits, describing how such a discipline would touch on the very depth of my womanly submission. How it would rapidly bring me forward to a more positive outlook with increased understanding and awareness. So, I plucked up the courage and respectfully “asked” if my HOH would consider giving me an almighty punishment spanking of such magnitude. My HOH, understanding the profound benefits that such a spanking would bring, said he would be more than happy to oblige and set the date for next Saturday. In the meantime, he said he would read the article so that he understood it in its deeper context.
Yes, I am frightened. My punishment spankings usually last ½ an hour of solid hard spankings – usually starting with the hand and proceeding to the paddle then loopy Johnny. After ½ an hour my bottom is usually extremely sore from both “thud” and “sting” and I’m physically very tired from crying cathartically. I really dread the idea of having the time doubled to 1 hour. I keep on reading one of the comments underneath the article, where a woman received this type of punishment and it lasted two hours! I gain strength from her comment – if she can go through a two hour punishment then I can certainly go through one hour!
Along with a deep sense of fear about my oncoming discipline, I also have a deep sense of acceptance. Never before have I felt such acceptance in welcoming an extremely severe spanking like this. I actually feel a great sense of relief, as I openly welcome this punishment with some new and awakened understanding.
My defiant, unsubmissive misbehaviour is laced with fatal risks. Like cancer, there is only one stab at a cure before it eats me up from the inside. Only an invasive procedure will ever be effective. Alternative non-invasive methods, have their place and can be very useful in dealing with milder problems. But for something as serious and potentially fatal as this, there is only one solution - to get to the root of the poison and extract it by "direct" and "painful" means. Through a Transformational Disciplinary Spanking.
Please wish me luck, I have a whole week to think about this!
~C~
8 Comments:
C, I think we all have areas where our submission is much more difficult than in others. Acknowledging the fact that this is a difficult area for you is a wonderful first step! Submission isn't easy. It's hard work and takes constant, consistant effort. The rewards, though, make every bit of effort worthwhile!
Please keep in mind that your attitudes and behaviors didn't happen overnight. It's been years of repetition. It will take time to get to the point you and your HOH both desire. (And I have no doubt you'll get there!)
The step you've taken is a major one! You put your own fears to the side and asked for something you felt would enhance your service to your HOH. That's important! I'm sending you lots and lots of loving hugs to wrap tightly around yourself. All my hopes that this discipline brings you what your heart desires!
Hello Wisty,
You are right about there being areas where submission is more difficult than others. In different areas, at different times and sometimes different places or situations may have a weakening effect on submission….like for example being out with another couple who don’t engage in our kind of lifestyle at all…
I always used to believe that submission was a passive process. I had no idea how active a process submission actually is! I had no idea about the tough conscious effort needed for its success. No, submission isn’t easy, but you seem to do it so naturally…
I don’t really know if submission is more of an innate instinct or whether it is taught? Perhaps it is a bit of both? I know from myself that I’ve always been submissive. My grandmother (who raised me) was extremely dominant, so perhaps my earliest recollections of submission were taught. All of her children also turned out submissive, so perhaps it is something to do with our earliest childhood experiences?? I would be very interested in your views on this point. Do you think submission is more to do with nature or nurture?
Yes, apropos my attitude and misbehaviour…. in one sense all the pressure I’ve had about my negativity has been lifted. I truly believe that the Transformational Discipline will do its job in breaking down the barriers and accessing this festering poison underneath. I have much faith that the healing qualities from an hour of consistently firm spanking will work on two beneficial levels. On one hand, it will enable me to rid myself from this emotional baggage I’ve been carrying around. It will release those deeply engrained emotions from the unconscious – the ones which I believe are the most responsible for doing the most damage. On the other hand, a spanking of such severity and magnitude will face me with the utmost level of submission to my HOH. Accepting the severe pain and welcoming it as an integral part of healing is in my new awareness. Strange as this may seem to a lot of people, I actually “welcome” my oncoming discipline – I look forward to my spanking because of the transformational changes that this discipline will bring out. I think, perhaps you are one of the few people who can understand what I’m saying? Like you said so aptly: I will be putting my own fears to the side by asking for something I’ve felt would enhance my service to my HOH.
Thank you for your loving hugs, wisdom, support and friendship.
~C~
C, it’s not as natural as you may think! lol It’s taken time, consideration and effort to get to where I am. Even now, I have days where it is NOT pretty. I routinely remind myself that this IS what I want, that putting the “outside” me away gives me a freedom I cannot achieve otherwise.
I had started to put something about a current struggle into my response to you yesterday, then deleted it as not important in the context of what I was sharing. Maybe it was more important than I initially thought....
Joining a gym and being more conscious of what I eat is not something I chose to do. I am doing it at his behest. In some ways, that makes it easier and harder, all at the same time. We have struggled with this topic since November. I had lost a lot of weight due to the stresses of work. He encouraged me to continue to lose, but in a manner that is healthy. Yes, his reasons are for my benefit. I know that. He became involved with me when I was at my heaviest weight ever, and that has never been a problem. My health and well-being is what drives his concern. In one light, it’s a very silly thing for me to have an issue with it. In another, it’s that he has control over areas of my life I’ve never let anyone else have a say in.
It’s a small thing to struggle so hard with. I admit that. And I don’t know why, but I continue to have to tell myself that he will be disappointed if I don’t exercise today. There’s a little voice in my head that reminds me he wouldn’t be happy if I pig out on Oreos, no matter how much I’m craving that chocolate. He is willing to take the time and effort to work with me, so why can’t I work at it harder? Why do I have this thing inside me that fights so hard to hold on to the bad life habits? This benefits me MUCH more than it benefits him, so why can’t I embrace it joyfully?
The one thing I always try to keep as my priority is that my goal is to be the best ME possible in order to please him. Sometimes, that means not following my initial inclinations. That’s hard. Other times, it requires speaking up. That can be just as difficult. He wants me to be strong, independent, healthy and confident. Those are things I want as well. By submitting to him, I agreed to follow his directives and be obedient. Experience has taught me that obedience tends to bring rewards and growth I would not achieve on my own. (Which makes my struggling on various topics even SILLIER! lol) I’m not always successful in maintaining that priority. But, when I slip, he’s always there to offer a hand up. And I try again the next day....
I do understand what you are saying about your discipline. It’s not always the good things that bring positive changes into our relationships. For me, one of the most profound experiences I had with him was actually when a scene went bad, very bad, very quickly. His handling of the situation and the aftermath actually deepened the trust I have in him and the love and respect I offer him. The release, and relief, a discipline of this type can give is extremely powerful. Spring and Starlet have both written wonderful pieces on the catharsis extreme pain and total submission to it can bring. They have summarized it so much better than I can. If you can’t find the postings in their blogs, please let me know and I’ll send you the specific URLs. I think you’ll find comfort in knowing that others also recognize, first hand, the benefits you are hoping to receive.
(Sorry this is such a long comment!)
Hello Wisty,
Thank you for your comment.
I’ve really thought hard about the nature/nurture question. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a very natural feminine instinct to be submissive. Yes, it does take great effort like you say, namely, due to societal pressures to avoid innate feminine responses such as respect and obedience to the husband. Society frowns at such notions and opts for gender equality.
It is now regarded good parenting to buy a range of toys suitable for both genders - boys playing with dolls and girls with construction kits. What this is invariably doing is causing irreparable damage. During early socialisation children are not being taught the differences in their own genders and roles. We are sadly becoming a genderless society!
Oh, Wisty, your man sounds so caring! Wanting you to go to the gym and eat healthily for your own benefits, not his, is wonderful! I really appreciate how difficult it must be to allow someone control in areas of your life, where no one has had a say in before. I guess this is the true test in submissive awareness and understanding.
I can relate to what you say about not allowing your man to take control in those “tender” areas. A few months back, I allowed my man access into an area I kept hidden from for 15 years. I’m SO pleased I did, my HOH is determined to cure me, although we both understand that it will take a considerably long time. My “tender” area is in the same genre to yours. One day when I’m feeling brave I will blog it and proudly proclaim how LDD has truly helped me in solving problems I thought were unsolvable.
Call me weird, but I love going to the gym. Do you go on your own or with a group of friends? Usually going with some friends can be fun. I do appreciate that there are “different strokes for different folks” we can’t all like the same thing. My worst task is housework it is so mundane and boring. We used to have a cleaner but my HOH won’t allow for one until I can demonstrate that I deserve help. He has been very pleased with my efforts and told me last week that if I keep it up I can have someone to help me around the house. I’m so happy when he is proud and pleased with me. :-)
It is certainly a good philosophy, Wisty, to make it a priority to be the best YOU in order to please your man. It must be hard to pull away from more pressing tendencies and instincts. You are SO right about obedience bringing rewards and growth. In the short time I’ve had at really trying to be obedient I have seen unparalleled benefits.
I knew you would understand about looking forward to my discipline and accepting it with a degree of calmness and peace. I think it’s a difficult concept for many to understand, I’ve only recently become closer to the truth and understanding of it myself.
Thank you for pointing me towards Spring and Starlet’s blogs. I look forward to reading them in preparation for my oncoming discipline.
Your warmth and wisdom has been of immense benefit.
~C~
When i'm receiving a tranformational spanking,I take it, and I accept the pain. to the piont that my bottom is completely still and holding position, but the rest of my body is trembling, and my sobs are deep a n short. MyHOH caught my reaching under to touch my self during one spanking and he used the Johnny Loop on my palm. if you dont want that, do what i do, take your spanking loke a big girl
Usually the emotional pain (guilt) supersedes the actual physical pain. Since the Transformational disciplinary spanking is only used for the most serious offences, the woman usually feels quite a lot of guilt before, during or after her spanking.
~C~
Come on ! Femininity and submission are two different things. Don't put it down to nature and just face up to the fact you are masochistic !
You are thinking too linearly my friend.
You are right about masochism having its place in sexuality. But not all of DD is sexual. There are many non-sexual spankings which are not at all pleasurable to the woman.
It would be so simple if we could categorize each term into its own little box and place stringent definitions on them. Unfortunately human emotions and sexuality is very lucid and diverse - it cannot be so easily categorized.
~c~
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