Saturday, October 27, 2007

Essay – When the HOH Does Something Wrong

This essay will examine the possibilities of when the male HOH (Head of House) does something wrong and how the woman should react from a Loving Domestic Discipline perspective. This is an incredibly sensitive topic, and quite a difficult issue to discuss, but nevertheless, it is one which frequently crops up in various LDD discussions. I believe that it is both important and necessary for submissive women to know how to best approach issues such as this. However, due to this highly sensitive subject I hope not to cause offence to any HOHs reading this essay. If I do then I most humbly apologise.

It is extremely important to stress that “wrongness” as discussed in this essay, does not mean questioning our HOHs rules simply because they do not suit us as women! It is imperative for the women reading this essay to understand this. In a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship any masculine wrongness ONLY comes into question if and when the HOH has foreseen his mistake and told his woman about it. Good leaders always admit to having made a mistake - it is part of their true greatness and integrity as men. The HOH after all sees the bigger picture, often a picture women are not always aware of. What women may foolishly perceive as “wrong” may turn out perfectly “right” in the end. We do not always know our HOHs plan. He makes the rules and we follow. The HOH is supreme ruler of his household. The woman succumbs to a male led relationship and unquestioningly obeys his authority.

No HOH is incapable from making mistakes. No HOH is infallible. HOHs are not God or godlike. They are human and make errors like the rest of us. The only difference is that when a woman does something wrong she is accountable for her misbehaviour to her HOH and is punished for it via lovingly applied discipline. When the HOH does something wrong he is accountable to no one but himself or God. For this reason it can be especially hard when the HOH does make a mistake, it can be especially isolating for him. As women we know that a spanking has the powerful effect of instantly absolving any guilt we have felt prior to our correction. The aftermath of our spanking leaves us cleansed, reconnected, redeemed and forgiven as we weep remorsefully in our HOH’s arms. But when the HOH does something wrong, more often than not he becomes scrutinised and doubted by his woman in his resolve as an effective leader and HOH.

I think as women we demand too much from our HOH - we can sometimes place unrealistic and godlike expectations on him. Whilst it is true that our HOH is in a position of authority and leadership, he is nevertheless a man and not someone with superhuman powers. People in authority do make mistakes, but this does not change the fact that they are in authority. Sometimes our HOHs decisions are right and sometimes they are wrong. It is a submissive wife’s duty to accept this and expect the inevitability that mistakes can and will be made.

What should the woman do when the HOH does something wrong?

It is the woman’s duty as a loving partner or wife to support her HOH through whatever wrong decision or action he may have made. It is a woman’s duty as a loving wife to forgive her HOH, just like the many times he has forgiven her. With her love, submission, understanding and support her HOH will cherish his woman for this strength. Some people wrongly assume that a submissive woman is weak, but nothing can be further from the truth. It can be at highly emotionally tense times like these that the woman’s submission and strength are tested to their limits.

Whilst it is true that a wife has many duties of love and support to her husband, as a LDD wife her responsibilities are increased. When a leader makes a mistake he is often the one who will suffer the most. Men do not talk about emotional problems with friends in the same way as women. When a leader makes a mistake (particularly if it is a big one) he will often question his own leadership skills and authority. It is extremely difficult for the HOH to exert authority over his wife if he has done something wrong. It is, therefore, imperative for the woman to show inordinate amounts of submission, obedience and respect so as to boost her HOH’s resolve. This will show him that she will always yield to his decisions and understands when mistakes are made.

HOHs will only start to forgive themselves if his loving wife has forgiven him. Usually being verbally told you forgive someone is not as affective as being shown that you forgive them. Both verbally telling and physically showing the HOH that he is forgiven is paramount to re-establishing harmony and balance in the home. The quiet non-verbal acts of everyday service she performs as a loving submissive wife will encourage her HOH that he is a good, valued and worthy leader.

Many women who are new to the Loving Domestic Discipline relationship feel that it is not fair that their HOH is not spanked for doing something wrong, when they themselves are spanked for wrong doing. It takes a while for these women to understand the dynamics of the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle. The most fundamental reason for so many women desiring to live in a LDD relationship is to discover their submission and true femininity. Once they start to recognise and welcome their submissive urges and instincts they become immersed in their own feminine centre and sexuality. The discovery of their true feminine nature makes them reconnect with both their inner child and inner slut. Such reconnection makes them much more at peace and harmony with themselves. Growing deeper in submission is the one objective that women strive for in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship and this can only be achieved by adhering to male authority.

When a man takes authority over his household and becomes HOH his wife must learn very quickly that any decision he makes is his to make. His wife may offer her opinions and talk to her HOH at some length, but at the end of the discussion, the HOH makes the final decision. He may change his mind later, but he alone has the overall responsibility for his family. A submissive wife should never question her husband’s authority. I believe that one of the reasons for the decline in marriage and why so many people have returned to LDD, is that society has taught us to view family life as individuals. Viewing life from an egotistically individualistic perspective severely hampers us from the unity and partnership required in a marriage. Being a partnership means acting as a team, the husband being the head of that team and his wife the helpmate of that team. As with all teams - rules prevail, the HOH sets those rules and his woman obeys.

It is only natural for the woman to be angry with her HOH, but she must exercise self-control and not allow her emotions to take over. She must take time to reflect on what went wrong and what part (if any) she had in her HOH’s wrong doings. It is her duty as a wife and part of her marriage vows to aid and support her husband through any problems he may have inadvertently caused.

Sometimes looking at the suffering of others can take the pain of our own suffering away, or lessen it considerably. Sometimes looking at people who have shown particular courage can overshadow our own suffering. One broadcast I found particularly memorable, was the remarkable strength of character Alan Johnston, the BBC Gaza correspondent showed when he was held in captivity. In a recent Panorama documentary, he revealed that the only thing that he had that the guards could not take away, was his self-control. He refused to break down into depression and kept his mind as active and positive as possible. Watching him speak, I couldn’t help thinking what remarkable leadership/HOH qualities he had. Most people would have broken down at the prospect of thinking that everyday may be their last. Not many people can claim such strength of character.

Strength of character is something that women must work on. Women living the Loving Domestic Discipline way of life are not doormats or spineless individuals. As women admire men who show strength of character as true leaders, men also admire women who show strength of character. If something were to happen to the HOH where the woman must fend for herself, then the HOH must know that his woman is strong and capable. If the HOH makes a big mistake where the repercussions will affect the whole family, the HOH needs to know that his woman is strong and capable to help pull him and their family through. Sometimes women can be so wrapped up in their own (relatively small) sufferings that they don’t look at all the wonderful things that they do have. Health, wealth and family life can become almost like a given right, so that when things do go wrong it can seem like a devastation.

It is important for women to realise that there is no pain too great. Even trust once broken can be rebuilt…

What the woman should not do when the HOH does something wrong!

Women engaging in a Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle should never lose control of their emotions. Whilst emotions are good, positive and natural, losing control by allowing rage and anger to consume the woman is very bad. If the woman does lose control and starts yelling, throwing objects, cussing or (heaven forbid) physically lashing out at her HOH, she should be spanked immediately, swiftly and severely – no matter what crime her HOH is guilty of! The woman would not be spanked for her HOH’s wrong doing (as some women foolishly think) but would be punished for her own wrongful attitude and/or misbehaviour regarding her HOH’s wrong doing.

Some women think that if the HOH does something wrong then they are miraculously let off the hook. They mistakenly think that they have gained the moral high ground and can let their emotions run riot. Such feminine misbehaviour should be severely dealt with. The dynamics of Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is all to do with the synergy between the masculine and feminine energies. The woman has gone to great lengths to remain at her most submissive and the HOH has gone to great lengths to keep her there. The woman should value her submission more than anything else, since it is an integral part of her. Her submission is who she is, what she is and how she behaves. Coming out of this most natural and feminine state for even a moment, would jeopardise the woman’s true identity and expression of her womanhood. If the woman is in an absolute rage and feels that her emotions are ready to wreak havoc, then she should submissively ask her HOH to spank her (pre-emptively or stress relief) in order for her to maintain her optimum level of submission. Once the woman has been soundly spanked and has reached catharsis, she is then in a position to calmly talk to her HOH about any hurt feeling she may have. Discussing her sorrow of being let down by her HOH after a spanking can be very effective since the woman will now be in a calmer state of mind and heart. After her spanking the woman will be more coherent, thus will be in a position to apply reasoning as to why her HOH did what he did. Such reasoning leads to a greater understanding and true empathy and compassion for how her HOH must be feeling, which in turn leads to true healing and forgiveness.

Sometimes the woman may be perfectly calm, but may submissively offer herself to be spanked as a way of releasing her HOH’s tension. At other times the woman may be calm but may miss this wonderful opportunity of submissive service to her HOH. Her HOH can instruct a “just because” spanking himself to relieve his stress, or can instigate a “submission spanking” to his woman for not being alert to his needs by submissively offering this herself.

When the HOH does something wrong or hurtful, the first thing that many women feel they must to do, is talk to their female friend. Whilst it is only natural that she may want to do this, such an action could have serious repercussions, particularly if her friend is not from a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. If the female is her friend and not a mutual friend, then any support that the woman will receive will be bias and may not consider the HOH or the unity of their marriage. Furthermore, since women’s emotions have a habit of becoming overwrought and over exaggerated, when the two women get together all havoc could let lose. Any support could result in making things worse by spurring the woman onto increased bouts of rebellion and other misbehaviour. So, at best, talking with another female could result in idle and hurtful gossip about the HOH, or at worse, the female friend may have planted ideas of divorce and other terminally infectious thoughts into the woman. The female friend may even make the woman feel guilty or weak for wanting to stay with her HOH.

Discussing problems with another submissive woman would be ideal, particularly if the other woman is from a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship. A woman who submissively lives the same lifestyle would be best suited to giving advice, offering support and a shoulder to cry on. This is because the submissive friend would strive to encourage and support her friend’s submission to her HOH at this difficult time. As a counterbalance it would be even better to also seek advice with another HOH, particularly if he is a friend of the woman’s HOH. The one good solid thing which men are renowned for is that they don’t allow their emotions to take control of them. Asking another HOH is also a good choice because he will be able to examine her HOHs wrong doing objectively, from a masculine perspective and then offer his views accordingly.

To conclude,

In a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship a HOH’s wrongness can only be regarded as a mistake if he tells his woman that he has made a mistake. All acts of wrongness that the woman “perceives” or “imagines” should be put down to feminine interference/control and punished accordingly. HOHs are not godlike or infallible and are prone to human errors, like everyone else. This does not detract or discredit them from being good leaders and HOHs.

A lovingly submissive wife should always strive to support her HOH by forgiveness, compassion and understanding. Her submissive acts of service to her HOH will encourage her HOH’s resolve as her leader when he may doubt his own strengths in this area. Maintaining submission, even in the bleakest times is imperative. Discontinuing a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship in trying times would be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. It is at the times when our lives hit rock bottom, that the need for the stabilising effects of LDD are most needed.

Self-control at these testing times is paramount. The woman should not allow her emotions to control her. The woman should submissively ask for stress relief spankings to relieve some of her pent up anger and frustration. Any outward displays of passion or tantrums should be punished severely. The woman should also offer herself to be spanked as a way of helping her HOH to alleviate his stress. Offering this service is a non-verbal service which strengthens and re-establishes the HOH’s authority. This small act of service is especially important when the HOH’s beliefs in himself as leader might be wavering.

Discussing private matters with a third party should be broached very carefully. Choosing a friend who is in a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship would be ideal. Any support offered would include the couple as a unit and not from an individual perspective. Any support would strive to reinforce the woman’s submission and obedience to her HOH’s authority. Choosing a LDD friend would be highly beneficial, since all support given would strive to put them back in touch with the Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, which is all about building stronger marriages by creating unity, harmony, forgiveness and love.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Announcement - Changes

Dear readers,

I have been busy making several changes on this site. The first change is the creation of a new site, C's loving Domestic Discipline Bulletin Board where all the news and announcements will be posted from now on. Initially, when I posted an announcement, my intention was to delete it as soon as it was obsolete. However, many dear readers wrote comments under these announcements, so there was no sure way of deleting the post without deleting reader's comments as well. The Bulletin Board will hold all the announcements in one place which seems more practical and can be accessed by following the link "Announcements" on the right hand side of this page, above the "Previous Posts" section. This will be my last announcement posting on this site, so I urge you dear readers to frequently visit the Bulletin Board if you want to keep updated with the latest news in the LDD community. There is some talk of another LDD get together (organised by someone else) so if you missed the conference in Atlanta, new plans are being drawn out, as I speak!

The second change I made was to add just a little information of who I am into the "My Complete Profile" section. It is very unfortunate that within the LDD community people are desperately holding onto their anonymities. But to raise awareness of this wonderful lifestyle we are going to have to come out of hiding at some point. By staying hidden, we are inadvertently telling people who do discover us, that we are hiding because we are ashamed to be practising Loving Domestic Discipline. I am just as guilty of this as the majority of LDD practitioners, but hopefully I will continue to make steady progress in being less guarded. Another problem with staying hidden is that we are never going to achieve a society that readily accepts or even favours the traditional marital aspects that LDD has to offer. It is our responsibility to take steps to create a better world for our children, where they can grow in the comfort and confidence of who they are, what their gender identity is and what their future roles are as a steadfast HOH and naturally submissive wife.

All my best to you all,


Thursday, October 11, 2007

Unkind Comments

Although negative comments are extremely rare, there have been times when I’ve felt incredibly hurt when people do attack the LDD lifestyle. I have tried to step back and analize why I am affected so much? I think that the answer (for me at least) is very simple. LDD is a fundamental part of me and expresses who I am as a woman at a very deep level; therefore, to attack LDD is a blatant discrimination of me, of who I am. When I first came into the blogging world, I came with a defence built around me, protecting my femininity. If anyone were to attack the LDD lifestyle back then, I would have attacked back with the same ferocity. However, belonging to a community has gradually allowed me to cast off my layers of defence. It has made me accept, understand and truly value who I am. But, coming out of my shell has unfortunately left me vulnerable to being hurt when (in the rare times) attack does come my way.

I have never really been overly comfortable calling LDD a “lifestyle,” I only do so since this is how it is often referred to. Living in a LDD relationship is instinctual. A lifestyle implies that there is an element of choice of whether you follow the criteria set up, or choose to ignore it. LDD is not a lifestyle choice (for me at least) since it is a necessary component which answers that which is deeply embedded and woven into the fabric of who I am. I cannot disengage from it; I have no choice but to live and breathe it. Any attack on LDD, therefore, is a personal attack on my womanhood.

Perhaps people do not realise the hurt that thoughtless comments can make? After all, an attack on someone who may be in the BDSM community or is a Spanko, perhaps wouldn’t cut as deep? This is because people choose to follow their particular kinks by engaging in BDSM or fun type of spankings because they want to. They have a choice in the matter, once they get bored they move onto new horizons – fetishes can and do change. I, on the other hand, do not have a choice; the implementation of LDD is an integral part of me as a woman. LDD is naturally consensual, so in that respect (at least at the very beginning of the relationship) a choice needs to be made. However, as time progresses, many women feel that LDD becomes a necessary expression of their femininities. It becomes a necessity (rather than choice) since it enables them to express the very depths of their femininity and submission - the epitome of who they are as women.

Even during day to day engagements with her HOH, a woman can feel immersed in his masculine energy. Even the most subtle “covertly” sexual responses from him, make her feel the inner stirrings from deep within her womanhood. It doesn’t even have to be directly sexual, just the sound of his voice, his movements, the sight of his belt or his very presence can instil inordinate amounts of respect and submission in the woman. Some critics of LDD may disagree and question whether submission has anything to do with femininity. I believe (from personal experience)that submission brings a woman deeply in touch with her inner psyche, where she becomes aware of her true expressions of self; her realization of what it is to be a true woman; her awareness of her sexual femininity and inner slut instincts.

I have spent too many years of my life feeling guilty and apologising for my innate desires to express my submission and surrender myself to the influence of a powerful man. But now, I refuse to feel guilty for my natural instincts and urges. After all, why should I when they are completely normal and inborn? I do accept that there may be people who do not understand LDD, which is quite understandable. There are many things that I do not profess to understand. But in not understanding something, I would never feel myself worthy to judge, condemn or criticise.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Homemade Implements

Thank you to the HOHs who have sent details on how to make various implements!

Below is a description of their craftsmanship.

Eric wrote:

Some ideas on making paddles.

A good paddle is, in my opinion, like a good woodworking tool. It is well balanced, solidly constructed, comfortable and safe to use. In short, it does the job it is intended for and becomes a pleasure to use (at least for the HOH). This is one very good reason for making your own since shop bought paddles are unlikely to have all of the right features to suit you. Another reason is that it is a simple construction that is well within the skills of anyone with even modest woodworking experience. My personal preferences are for paddles that are:

  1. Constructed of a good quality wood – I usually recycle "found" hard woods from a variety of sources and some of these are excellent for the job. They are dense, so are more effective during punishment but even more important, they can be shaped and smoothed without any splits or splinters so often found in cheaper woods. They are also beautiful and can be kept in top condition with a little olive oil. I would avoid Mahogany because it is likely to split in use. Some of the modern hard woods used in chopping boards are good because the manufacturers have already thought about durability, splitting, warping and visual appeal. They are also cheaper than shop bought paddles and can be sustainably sourced.
  2. Shaped with a curve on one side and flat on the other. This is best done with a spoke shave or draw knife and finished off with a plane. This is not essential but it does give a variety of sensation during use and is a sign of quality.
  3. Quite long, approximately 12-14 inches in total length. This gives good leverage and swing.
  4. Not too wide, approximately 3-4 inches. A narrower paddle is easier to swing and stings more sharply.
  5. Quite thick to ensure a solid finish that is unlikely to split.
  6. Made with a rounded handle rather than one that is the same thickness as the paddle itself. This is easy to achieve by gluing the spare cut from either side of the handle onto the handle and again shaping with a spoke shave. If you want to make a proper job that will last a lifetime, drill two countersunk holes through this sandwich and rivet with brass, just like a Chef's knife handle. Try to make the handle an appropriate size for your own hand. If that technique does not appeal, then what about a whipped handle? Whipping (in this context) simply means binding the handle tight and evenly with waxed twine as found on some sporting bats or yachting ropes. I suggest you try out some kitchen implements to see which handle size and shape is best.
  7. Finished to a high quality. This is much easier with hard woods, especially if care is taken with sanding. Hand sanding from 90 through to 400 grit sand papers is ideal. If your wood is porous then cellulose sanding sealant can be bought from any woodturning specialist shop or the better hardware shops. This fills the pores before sanding and gives a much better finish.
  8. Untreated with varnish. What is the point of putting all that care into making a fine wooden paddle and denying yourself and your woman the tactile pleasures of the wood itself? If you want a dry polish, then a little furniture or bees wax is excellent. My preference is a drop of olive oil occasionally which soaks into the wood, keeping it supple. You can even introduce the maintenance of the paddle's polishing as a discipline :)
  9. Plain. However, if your carving skills are up to it and you want to name it, then a small inscription at the junction between the handle and paddle is a good idea. If you have not tried it before I suggest plenty of practice as this is the area you are most likely to make a mistake on.

There are no hard and fast rules to design, finish or dimensions. However, whatever the final design you choose, like craftsmen of old who made their own woodworking tools, there should be a pride in the workmanship that will signal to your woman that you have put love and care into it just like the love and care that will go into its application. This is the main reason for making your own paddle – your authority as HOH will be enhanced and your woman will feel she is being intimately disciplined by a caring person who loves her enough to take care of even the smallest details.

User577 wrote:

All the raw materials I purchased were from Wal-Mart, Home Depot, or Tractor Supply. The biggest thing I learned is that the simplest things are the best. They also cost next to nothing. The total cost of the finished items was about $75. The most expensive single item to make was the metal handled flog. The easiest was the plastic coat hanger. All of the items are very portable. Everything is safe; the possibility of injury is proportional to the force of the strikes or the duration of the spanking. I rank the items about medium on the noise scale. Someone in the next room would know what's going on but someone down the hall wouldn't. That is separate from the noise of the recipient though, which could be much louder. None of the items took more than an hour to make. Most took much less. Most of the items run to the “stingy” side and don't require much force to use.

There are 2 overall winners based on all of your criteria: the “carpet beater”and the plastic coat hanger. The plastic coat hanger can deliver quite a bit of sting and is very responsive to the amount of force in the swing (i.e. light swing=light sting, hard swing=lots of sting). The only modification was the clipping of the actual “hanger” part. To use it, just hold one end and land the other where you want to put the love. The force seems to be restricted to the “U”-shaped end. It's not very loud but does make a lovely “swish” as it cuts the air. The “carpet beater” as I call it (to camouflage it's real purpose) is inspired by the “loppy-johnny” you have pictured. It was made by taking two 3ft. lengths of coax cable (the cable that connects TV's, DVD's, etc.), folding them in half, and securing the end with duct tape to make a handle. It is about the same diameter as the coat hanger but has more “oomph”. It also appears stiffer than the loppy-johnny. This comes from the wire core and shielding. It holds its shape but is somewhat flexible. I think the total cost is around $6. It was free for me because I had so much extra around.

The wooden yardstick gets an honorable mention. It was about $3, it needed no modification, and it appears very vanilla. It extends my reach and probably delivers more thud than the other items. It also serves double-duty as a crop or pointer for me when I'm administering discipline. The only drawback is portability. In a pinch, you could just buy one when you get where you're going and just leave it behind when you're done.

The winner in the portability and noise department is the “Catholic discipline”. It is just a small flog for self-flagellation. I got the idea here: This one is made from a wooden bracelet and four 6 ft. leather shoe laces (cut to 3 ft. lengths). It is also stingy and could be made from a variety of materials.

The plastic shoehorn was $1-$2 and is very light weight. It seems better for delivering love and discipline to more tender parts of the anatomy because even a hard swing won't generate as much force. It can be more stingy or thudy based on the technique used.

The metal handled flog is the most elaborate and expensive single item. The total cost was about $14, mostly because of the pipe. It could be made cheaper and lighter with PVC pipe. The handle is made from a piece of galvanized pipe, a cap, and a reducer. All of the parts thread together and it's wrapped in rubber grip tape. The working end is made from window screen spline cut to about 20 in. lengths. The pieces of spline are squeezed through the reducer and glued together to stay in the handle. The spline itself is about ¼ in. in diameter and has lengthwise ridges. The cross section looks like a 10-pointed star. I don't know if the ridges contribute anything to it's feel but they sure look menacing. This tool requires care on my part because it generates a lot of power with little effort. We still haven't taken it to it's maximum capacity yet.

~C~ wrote:

Unfortunately, I have had to delete/edit some of the above post since the corresponding pictures sent by the poster could not be loaded by blogger. I have only edited/deleted the parts which were referring to the pictures.

An engineer wrote:
(from comments)

Someone asked what to use to make a Loopy John. Try a thin power cord. In the USA it is called "Zip cord." Size 18 is thin; 16 and 14 are thicker. This is oval since there are two wires and each is surrounded by rubber insulation. It can be used as the double but it is more consistant if the Zip cord is split first and then used as single pieces. MAKE SURE THE METAL IS TOTALLY COVERED.

Another possibility is to use a thin metal hanger just the way it is. If the buttocks is hit with just the last few inches of the "C" part, parallel to the buttucks, at exactly the right angle, it behaves like a miniature cane, stings with a deep sting and nasty bite, and then leaves a nifty red mark ten to twenty seconds later. A few degrees off and only the tip of the "C" will mark and the pain will be much less. It will take some experimenting to get the angle and the intensity of the stroke correct. Practice EASILY at first and get lots of feedback from your bottom. Or practice on yourself on your inner thigh. A picture is worth a thousand words. Remember you should be LOVING your spouse or significant other. The hanger is almost silent. The bottom's gasp will certainly be louder than the actual sound of the hit.