Saturday, March 31, 2007

Releasing Tears During Discipline

I have already written an essay on “Releasing Those Tears”. This short post isn’t a regurgitation of what I have previously written; instead, I would like to draw attention to one particular (and very common) blockage which hinders many women from crying during their spankings.

In the early stages of my Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle, I too found crying impossible to achieve during my discipline. I found that I would “talk” or “yell” out in pain. I would say things like, “Ow!” “Please stop!” “It’s too hard!” “I’ve learnt my lesson!” etc… I used to think that such behaviour was acceptable, reasonable and perfectly natural (under the circumstances). I was, after all, being subjected to repeated hard swats on my bare bottom, it was only natural (I thought back then) to shout out in pain, or plead for my spanking to stop.

Surprisingly, the first time I cried during discipline was when I stopped talking or yelling. I was told that my shouting out was very disrespectful and would no longer be tolerated. I was told to write a contract on how to conduct myself during discipline . I was also given enough corner time before my spanking to read through my contract and prepare my heart and mind for my upcoming punishment.

The corner time was a peacful, introspective time. Not only did it make me internalise my wrong attitudes and behaviour, but it also prepared me mentally for good "submissive" behaviour - how I should behave during my spanking. I also couldn’t just zone out during my discipline (another of my strategies). Rather, with a period of introspection, I had fully accepted the onus of my wrongdoing and was very remorseful and calmly accepting of my punishment.

When I was being spanked, I made a remarkable discovery. In my silence I became more focused on my misbehaviour and punishment and not so focused on my rebellion. My state of mind was more relaxed and readily accepting of my punishment. So much so, that the tears started to flow. My actual "shouting out" was not only disrespectful to my HOH, but it was also detrimental to myself. It was in fact a block which stopped myself from getting that release through tears. I discovered that whenever I came “close to tears” I would shout out as a way of preventing that flow. I didn’t realise this at the time, it was very much a sub-conscious act. Some women don’t verbally yell out, but clench their buttocks, kick or twist. These demonstrations of rebellion during discipline are of the same calibre and should also be discouraged. A Disobedience Discipline (additional punishment) will more than likely put an end to this type of rebellion.

Some women may argue, that they yell out during their spankings whilst they are already crying. They may argue that yelling isn't a block preventing them from crying, since it doesn't stop the onset of tears. But the tears they are shedding are not the real tears of remorse and contrition, they are selfish tears based on a hurt pride. Selfish tears will not change the woman’s attitude or behaviour. Selfish tears will only harbour resentment. They will not cleanse the woman so that she has a complete change of mind and heart. Selfish tears will not help her learn her lesson; they will not effectively take her from a negative situation into a positive one. Women who cry whilst yelling or clenching are also blocking themselves from that deeper, truer and more sorrowful cry.

The first time I cried during discipline, an interesting thing happened. I stayed silent throughout and then at the moment I felt the tears coming, I repeatedly and remorsefully said, “Thank you” to my HOH. By repeating these words I broke into catharsis straight away. This verbal emotive sign of my gratitude was understood by my HOH as a way of “releasing” an internal block which could result in tears. Whilst yelling and speaking during punishment are generally regarded as something that would block the woman's tears, on rare occasions submissively making a heart felt verbal thank you, or apology during a spanking, can act in reverse by releasing the woman's tears.

Whilst I was initially convinced that women who were unable to cry during their spanking was the result of some internal blockage. I now believe in both internal and external blockages. External blockages, by yelling or using the body to fight against tears are much more common than the mental internal blockages, such as zoning out. Women who frequently zone out may find that they were victims of abuse, and that this zoning out strategy was something they developed as young children, as a coping mechanism.

Whilst I originally believed that the release of tears could only emerge by psychologically analysing the reasons behind that internal blockage. I am now convinced that although reasons for withholding tears are indeed internal (psychologically based). Blockages for releasing that emotion are more commonly external (physically yelling out) rather than internal (mentally zoning out).


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Essay - Thanking the HOH

This essay will examine the most natural and instinctive way a woman can thank her man after discipline. Fellatio as a non overtly sexual act of gratitude will be explored, coupled with the benefits such gratitude bestows on both the man and his woman.

A Hard and Thankless Task

Has any woman ever wondered how hard her HOH’s job really is? Being the head and leader of the family can be a very tiring and frustrating task.

  • He has all the preparation it takes to plan a suitable punishment to fit her misbehaviour.
  • He has to sometimes wait and watch her carefully, before administering punishment, to see if she is truly prepared to learn her lesson.
  • He has the stress over whether or not she has been adequately scolded, prior to her punishment.
  • He has the physical discomfort in his hand or arm from repeatedly spanking her bottom.
  • He has the stress over whether it is his fault for not punishing her effectively, if she has repeated the same transgression over a relatively short space of time.
  • He has the stress over whether it is his fault (the ineffectiveness of scolding/punishment) if he fails to bring her to tears.
  • Not to mention the sheer unpleasantness of spanking his woman to tears and beyond. The unpleasantness of causing her to cry, of directly causing pain to her bottom for her own good.

I have read a number of posts where women vehemently deny that their HOH is stressed at all! In fact they proclaim that he is deriving immense satisfaction from punishing his wife by spanking her to catharsis and beyond! Perhaps these women are confusing a punishment spanking, Pre-emptive spanking or Maintenance Discipline with the pleasures of an erotic spanking? Surely their man cannot be so cruel as to enjoy disciplining their beloved woman until she is weeping remorsefully from both the pain and shame of her spanking? The Loving Domestic Discipline lifestyle is very clear in its message. It is the use of corporal punishment to eliminate negative behaviours and enhance positive behaviours. In short, it is modifying the woman’s behaviour so that she can obtain her very best potential as a woman, wife and mother.

The question which arises is how to adequately thank the HOH for all his efforts?

It goes without question that the woman verbally thanks her HOH after she has been spanked. However, some women recognise that their HOH has gone to great lengths to discipline them. Some women are so grateful that they instinctively fall to their knees and engage in what is known in LDD circles as a “formal thank you.”

A “formal thank you” is where the woman fellates her man after discipline. Some people have mistaken the “formal thank you” as a sexual act, but nothing could be further than the truth. The “formal thank you” is not the same as oral sex – it is not overtly sexual. Discouraged couples who are trying to separate discipline from sex, should rest assured that the “formal thank you,” is something completely different.

The "Formal Thank You" as a Non-Sexual Act

When considering sexual fellatio, we find that the act has a certain technique, skill and element of surprise. Often the woman plans ahead, by exploring new ways and tactics, so as to make it interesting and sexually stimulating for her HOH. The woman will herself feel sexually aroused at her man’s firm and erect penis. She will also feel a sense of pride and accomplishment at being able to satisfy her man in such a way. She will often think of new techniques and will start off by gently engaging and slowly teasing her man as she builds up the momentum. The element of surprise is crucial since it keeps her man guessing, never quite knowing her next move. Shrouding the act of fellatio in mystery and surprise may sound controlling, but nothing could be further from the truth. The woman knowing that her man derives great sexual satisfaction from her efforts, serves him submissively and obediently. The element of surprise at keeping her man second guessing, is for his sexual benefit. If she were to simply follow his explicit instructions in each and every stage of the fellating process, then her man would not reach such a deep orgasmic conclusion.

The “formal thank you,” however, loses its sense of skill, technique and surprise. After she has been punished and humbled so that she is crying very hard, sexuality is probably be the last thing on her mind. She will not be able to think of the technique, if her mind is still emotionally tuned in to the causes of her misbehaviour. She will not be able to fellate her man sexually, if her head is still resonating from the scolding and her attentions are drawn to her freshly spanked bottom. She may be sobbing quite hard and find it difficult to breath. She may find her man’s penis very wet from her tears and saliva. As she continues crying she may be struggling to gasp for breath and keep herself from choking. Although there is nothing overtly sexy in a "formal thank you" many LDD women find that it is a deeply feminine and intuitive act. An act which instinctively benefits them as women. It is something they instinctively do to show their utmost gratitude to their man. Her discipline can, therefore, remain non-sexual, as long as she is not getting any "direct" sexual gratification herself. There is no reason why the woman should not learn her lesson from her discipline and formally thank her man. In other words, her discipline would not be devalued by becoming over sexualised. The "formal thank you" is a very natural and intuitive way for a woman to show her deep felt gratitude and respect.

Many men also report that the “formal thank you” is not overtly sexual. The charge of energy that they feel, is not the same kind of passionate sexual energy they experience during the lovemaking process. They too are overcome by their woman’s emotions and are often overwhelmed by their own conflicting emotions. On the one hand, they feel pride in a job well done, by disciplining their woman effectively; on the other, they feel compassion in seeing their woman in pain and in tears. Besides their conflicting emotions, the HOH may feel physically and emotionally drained, especially if the woman’s punishment has gone on for a long time.

There are other men, however, who do find immense sexual gratification from fellatio after discipline. This is also very natural. The important thing is, for his woman not to gain any direct sexual gratification from it herself. Otherwise, the main purpose of her discipline will become clouded, she will not learn such a valuable lesson.

How the "Formal Thank You" Benefits the HOH

For a man, there is no other sight more beautiful than his woman submissively fellating him after she has been punished. As she kneels before him weeping remorsefully, she shows her utmost gratitude in the most profoundly feminine way. A deeply thankful act, which humbly thanks her man for putting so much time and effort into her personal development and growth.

The “formal thank you” goes beyond the physical gratification of sexual fellatio. It is a profoundly submissive act. The woman’s submission is a non-verbal way of showing immense gratitude to her man. This gratitude is extremely valuable, since it endorses his place as HOH and leader of the home. The HOH benefits since it reaffirms his place in the relationship as her leader, who has the duty to love, cherish and discipline her when she misbehaves.

The man will also benefit since it reaffirms that he has done his job correctly. It isn’t just a “thank you,” but a BIG “thank you.” He will feel that he will have carried out his task well. It is the "completion" of the discipline. The whole process of discipline and reconnection is not complete without the woman's physical display of gratitude. It is the missing piece of the jigsaw – the act of the “formal thank you,” after discipline, comes full circle and harmoniously brings everything back into its rightful place and conclusion.

As the woman humbly falls to her knees and felates her man, she is driven by pure instinct to seek his approval and reconnection. This instinct is two fold, since it also releases her man’s instinct as her protector. Her HOH benefits since the “formal thank you” endorses the message that she truly belongs to him. It endorses the message that she has obediently surrendered herself to his will.

How the "Formal Thank You" Benefits the Woman

The woman is very grateful to her HOH for that reconnection. Her man’s penis serves as a very strong, potent and physical awareness of his maleness and authority. It also acts as a direct reminder of her service and obedience to him. She should, however, always politely ask his permission if she may thank him in this way. Her man may be busy with other engagements and it may not always be possible. She should never just presume that she can fellate him after discipline.

The wise HOH will, however, try and find the time necessary to incorporate the "formal thank you." He will recognise the immediate healing benefits to his woman. The reconnection during the “formal thank you” is truly beneficial to the woman. She has been stripped from all her clothes and stripped from all her pride. She kneels before him in a truly vulnerable state, with no barriers between herself and her man. She is in an emotionally charged and contrite state, a female who has just undergone a spanking from her man.

In tears, with puffy swollen eyes, she does not look her best, to say the least. She is not wearing some sexy lingerie, she is not feeling romantic or sexually aroused. She is nude from clothes and stripped from pride, she has no place to hide. She feels small, vulnerable and dishevelled, with her hair hanging over her face. Her eyes and bottom are both crimson red, she feels humbled and exposed. Her tear stained face, runny nose and continual sobbing bring her back to the very foundation of her femininity. She surrenders herself in gratitude and fellates her man in this state. She is loved and cherished for who she is, not for what she looks like. This is very important message to the woman. Her man sees her as her parents would have seen her, a tearful and naughty little girl. Her HOH sees her as his naughty girl who he has just had to punish. Women spend so much time, money and effort on “looking good,” it is part of being female to look good at all times. Some women find it very uncomfortable to show themselves to their men in such a dishevelled state. Being dishevelled brings them back to the "care free" state when they were young children. This is why complete nudity is recommended to break through the barriers, so that the woman has nothing to hide behind.

It is very important for the woman's submission to prepare for punishment stripped from both make-up and clothes. Some women wear make-up like a mask to hide behind and her clothes are tailored to portray a certain image. Her nakedness is important to break through those barriers. Being nude she feels more "childlike." Being spanked to tears removes all notions of sexuality from her nakedness. It is important for her to be stripped back to the very core of her femininity, so that during fellatio she can establish that deeper level of emotional bonding and reconnection with her HOH.

To lovingly fellate her man after discipline is of immense benefit to the woman. By being allowed to suck on his most manly possession, the most potent symbol of his masculine authority, the woman is reaffirmed of her position in the relationship. She is reaffirmed as his submissive and obedient partner. She is comforted and soothed by her man’s organ in a similar way an infant is comforted and soothed by their mother’s breast. It is a profoundly deep and reaffirming experience for the woman. By being verbally told that she has been forgiven by her HOH is extremely important. By being allowed to reconnect by soothing her sorrow as she kneels in humble fellatio is immensely healing for the woman. It reinforces and cements the strong bonds in their relationship; it often creates new bonds or strengthens existing bonds in an inordinately strong way. It sends a non-verbal message to his woman that she is his “good girl” that she is loved, cherished and forgiven.


HOH’s have a very difficult and sometimes thankless task in trying to modify their woman’s behaviour. The “formal thank you” is both an instinctive and intuitive act of service, gratitude and reconnection. Many women instinctively fall to their knees and orally thank their men as a token of their immense appreciation. Just as many men instinctively know how to best discipline their women, many women know how to instinctively best thank their men. Whether the men derive full sexual gratification, or whether it is diluted by the highly charged emotional energies surrounding him is irrelevant. What is of importance is for the woman to stay focused on the causes of her punishment and not derive any pleasure from it herself. This post has tried to outline a few points which clarify that the “formal thank you” need not necessarily be overtly sexual for either party. It has also outlined some of the many binding benefits for both the HOH and his woman.