Tuesday, September 27, 2005

1) My Punishments.... 2)The Reasons I'm Unable To Cry....

Yet again the cleaning of his precious house hadn’t been done… or done half heartedly. R told me that under no uncertain terms would I be let off… I would be getting the cane!
R knows that the cane is my most feared instrument for chastisement since the welts swell up and can make sitting impossible not just uncomfortable! I told him that our new Lovingdd Bible discourages the use of such an instrument! Where is the LOVE in caning someone half to death? R went to bed (it was 5am) and told me that he wanted to see a tidy house when he got up….. I tidied some of the house but was too angry and defiant to do a proper job. I was angry about being spanked for something as meaningless as the house, when there were other MUCH more punishable offences… I convinced myself that the chores were a symptom of my bad behaviour, not the cause; therefore, if the cause was tackled then the symptoms would automatically change by themselves…

R got up several hours later and had decided that to punish me when I was in that frame of mind would be futile. He had been reading our new LDD Bible (lovingdd.blogspot.com) and had decided to wait until he could see some remorse.
We talked for some time…. he told me that whether the house was tidy or not was beside the point. His main concern was my obedience to him, as HOH if he tells me to do something, then I do it…simple! I can always RESPECTFULLY request to review the reasons behind the punishment at a later time, but NEVER to undermine his authority by measuring the justice of my discipline before he is about to administer it!

I was sent to the ‘naughty corner’ for half an hour to contemplate on what he had said…. For the first time since R’s affair I prayed to God so that I could truly and deeply repent, so that I could cry and submit mentally, not just physically, so that I could feel his deep love and masculine energy I once felt before his affair 8yrs ago. I felt a stillness come over me…. for the first time in 8yrs I felt God’s love, strength and protection come pouring into me. With that came the frightful realization that my loving HOH was working long, hard hours away from the family so as to put food on the table, all I did was waste his money on myself on such selfish and stupid things! The very least my loving HOH could expect was a clean and loving home!
My HOH was also putting an incredible amount of energy into our newly ‘adapted’ LDD lifestyle, whilst I was manipulating and controlling each step of the way! I wish R could have left me longer in the ‘naughty corner’ I was close to tears with my introspection and think I may have cried if only I had been given longer to pray…

I heard his voice calling me from downstairs telling me to come into the library… I entered gingerly in… “ ‘C’ I’m going to punish you now, do you know why you are going to get punished?” Of course I knew… corner time had made me as guilty and remorseful as hell. “Go and fetch me the paddle!” Such a command would have previously made my stomach clench with fear, but I must confess I was relieved to acknowledge that I wouldn’t be getting the cane after all! (All thanks to Lovingdd’s articles!!) I brought him the paddle and placed it on the antique, velvet, high backed chair he had positioned in the centre of the room. “Now go into the corner and take your boots off!” I had never before been asked to take my shoes off for a spanking, but I thought that the boots I was wearing did have pretty nasty heels which may injure him if I did decided to buck. “Keep going!” He commanded... Ok, the Levis I was wearing were figure hugging so I guess he would want me to make his job easier, (R usually pulls my jeans and panties down himself whilst over his knee) “Keep going!” I guess R wants me nude from the waste down, so I slipped my panties off. “Keep going!!!” HOLY COW!! The penny had dropped! R had read Lov.dd’s article on nudity… this was too much!!!! I hesitated, not because I’m ashamed of my body in front of my HOH but because I felt such embarrassment and humility having to stand naked in front of him in broad day light in our most formal room with him fully clothed. His voice interrupted my thoughts… “KEEP GOING!!” He demanded... I obediently took every last stitch of clothing off including my watch and stood facing the wall. He then started scolding me and telling me that he wanted to see a BIG change in my behaviour. I looked down and saw my breasts, felt my warm feminine skin, heard his masculine commanding voice and actually felt my much weaker feminine energies, against his powerful masculine ones…

He took hold of my hand and led me to the high backed chair and sat down. “Get over my knee,” He ordered. It was a really strange and humiliating experience going over his knee totally naked – I could feel his trousers and jumper pressing against my nudity, I could see my breasts hanging over the chair. I could see the family portraits of my ancestors hanging on the wall, looking down and witnessing an event that they had never engaged in themselves, when I was a child… had they spanked me then, perhaps my behaviour wouldn’t need constant correction! I felt such utter shame and humility… I felt like a naughty child about to be spanked!

R started spanking me with his hand softly (more like an erotic spanking…) my bottom felt tingly, warm and nice. He then spanked me with not such a relaxed hand and my bottom was starting to sting… his tempo quickened, I closed my eyes and thought that this really was a hard hand spanking… After about 5 min R stopped rubbed his hand across my bottom and reached down to pick up the paddle, oh, sh** I thought, here goes…!! the paddle hurt like hell!! R started moderately hard, but ended up spanking me very hard… I begged him to stop, I tried relaxing my bottom and not clenching my cheeks to ease the pain and stop the inevitable bruising. I told him that it was REALLY hurting, but give him his dues he carried on for 5 minutes; he told me it was MEANT TO HURT! After 5 minutes he stopped and told me to go and stand in the corner. I got up off his lap and walked over. It was hard to walk; my rear was on fire and felt that it had swollen to double its size. I didn’t rub it as I usually do in case R had read in the LDD blog that a woman should never do this as part of the punishment process. So I clenched my hands behind my neck like a good girl and stood there with my back arched and bottom sticking out. “Well that’s a sight I like to see!” Exclaimed R, “A very sore and red bottom!” After a few moments he called me to him. I knelt in front of him and thanked him for his constant efforts in trying to make me into a better person. I kissed his hand and asked if it hurt? I then sat on his knee, was hugged and told him how sorry I was. “Why didn’t you cry C?” He asked… “You’re a tough nut to crack!” He said with a smile. I told him that I was sorry not to cry, I told him that crying/not crying does not deter from my GENUINE sorrow of being constantly disobedient! He told me that he knows how sorry I am and how much I want to cry but just can’t! I asked him if he thought me less of a woman for not being able to cry, after all crying is a very feminine attribute he told me not to be ridiculous!

After my severe spanking, to complete the punishment, I had to write a 1000 word essay on "Respecting My HOH"


I actually know why I can’t cry during my spankings…
This is the reason why I have always found it difficult to cry:
At the age of seven I was sent to a convent boarding school in the south of England. The dormitory mistress Sister K wielded her belt with such viciousness across our naked bottoms with all the other girls crowding around and witnessing the punishments. I was warned by one of the girls on arrival that, if I was ever to get the belt not to cry! If you cried then that satisfied Sister K that she was having the desired affect in driving Satan out of you!
The girls who cried really did get the belt frequently for hardly misbehaving at all! I got the belt once and laughed all the way through (the other girls congratulated me for being such a heroine!) When that bloody nun had finished I threw defiant daggers at her!!! That evil nun could do what she liked but she was NOT going to make me repent!!!!! I hated her and still do, after so many years! I once trapped her in a door and told her that she would BURN IN HELL and she laughed and told me that it was me that would end up in hell!! Another time I got everyone’s talcum powder and sprinkled it on the dormitory floor so that it could look like snow indoors. She watched me and decided to ignore my misbehaviour… whilst other girls who were cry babies, got the belt just for talking after lights out! I think, in retrospect, that nun was scared of me. I was VERY tempted on a number of occasions to tell an adult what was happening, especially since this one time, a girl who Sister K hated most of all ended up with bruises all across her back as well as her bottom! The memories I have of this girl are always with redness around her eyes...

This is the reason I now find it impossible to cry:
The prevalent reason why I can't cry is the lack of total respect for my HOH.

  • How can I respect my man, without question and reserve if he has been unfaithful to me?
  • How can I empathise with him in order to heal and move on if I could NEVER dream of being unfaithful to him myself?
  • How can I let my emotions go whilst over his knee when my misbehaviours are mere trifles compared to his?
  • How can I let my emotions go whilst across his knee of fear of either being unable to stop crying, or worse still releasing my anger on him.... if I were to release this anger, I fear that I may KILL HIM!! I have never shown my anger towards him but have held it in. This I did in order to maintain balance and poise in the home so that the children would not suffer from the IMMENSE pain he has bestowed on us all!

Why am I still with him? Because prior to his adultery we were living LDD to the full. I respected him fully and gave myself to him emotionally in mind and body. By releasing my emotions(through tears) with total submission I was giving him the very essence of my being - my true natural feminine self.
I remember this flow that existed between us. When we made love we joined the physical (sex) with the emotional (love) with the deeply spiritual (Nirvana) - This deeply spiritual aspect can only be reached if the woman totally submits to her man by giving him the inner core of her soul...
I am still with him because I want him back the way we were before.... will this ever happen? I really don't know.... ?
I suppose there are real dangers and rewards to loving and submitting to someone as deeply as I have done. The reward is that such deep all encompassing surrendering results in the woman ONLY ever fantasising about her man... she is him and he is her. Both their masculine and feminine energies become entertwined so that individuality becomes one whole in some metaphysical and spiritual realm that they reach in their love making.With such love it would be impossible for her to think or look at another man let alone have an affair.(Thus making the marriage unbreakable.) But by the same token, the dangers are that if anything were to go wrong it would be impossible for the woman to move on and leave her man and form a healthy sexual LDD relationship with anyone else. How could she leave him after such close intensity?

Since R's affair I have tried to imagine myself with someone else. I have tried flirting with 3 men but have been unable to go beyond that... I married R at the age of 18, but was his girl friend since the age of 15. For a quarter of a centuary R is all I have ever known.... R broke my virginity.... R and I were child lovers... R and I were at boarding school together... R would punish me at school as Head Boy he had the right to administer lines, fagging (which is English Public School terminology for serving the older 6th former by cleaning his shoes etc..) and other other such punishments - hence this is where my submission to him first started.... R is my best friend, confidant and soul mate!

So why did he betray me if our lives were so perfect? The reason was a chain of disastrous events and consequences. First his mother died then a month later my father died followed 6 months later by my mother. R lost his business and ended up selling petrol at a gas station. Such a job was degrading for someone with two Master degrees! He did it to support us all financially... finally he got a temporary position in the city. At this time I was in a tremendous amount of pain at having lost both my parents (particularly my father) I lost my libido and didn't think that R would be interested in love making with all the emotional turmoil and grief around us.... in the city R was isolated lonely and confused. He had been uprooted from his familiar family surroundings. It is a small wonder he went with that evil woman! Actually, she manipulated and weasled her way into his life. She pretended to be his friend when all the time she had her stall set out! Eventually R succumbed but told her that he was very much in love with his wife.... he tried to finish after a couple of times, but she blackmailed him by saying that she had taken down his home address which was written on his suitcase and would contact me if he ever tried to break from her. She refused him in wearing a condom and told him that she was on the pill and so sex was safe. My husband was naive, he only had me to measure against, he had no idea about the evil manipulation caused by women like this! As a consequence she fell pregnant, refused to have an abortion and named her male child R after my husband!! She contacted the CSA (Child Support Agency) once she realised that R wanted nothing to do with her, and as a result we have to pay just under one thousand US dollars a month!! This is the same amount that a person would pay for a small mortgage! The CSA don't look into individual cases at all, there have been a tremendous amount of broken marriages and suicides from their stringent rules. The CSA have deduced that ONLY a small part of our large sum of money goes on the child, the rest goes on HER his ex- partner!! When in the hell was he ever HER partner?? Why did the CSA have the audacity to call her his partner??? He simply SCREWED her and that is all!!!!

A very clever Buddhist friend once said to me: “ C, you must accept this pain like a knife stabbing you…. Just still your mind and accept it. If you fight it then your hands will get cut and slashed as you ward off the knife and the actual wound will get deeper. I didn’t take my dear Vietnamese friends advice and as a result my wounds have become deeper….

I did cry on Sunday…. I deliberately picked a fight with R to get some of my anger and frustration out and have a good cry (arguing always makes me cry) When R simply tapped me gently across the face, to snap me out of my tantrum. I started really crying (in my country men NEVER hit a woman across the face!) “C, I hardly even touched you… that was a mere tap!” R, exclaimed.
Now there must be something psychological there… he can spank me to a pulp and no tears, have an argument with me, or gently tap my face or any other part of my body that isn’t my bottom and I’m in floods of tears!!!

Any sad film or book will also make me cry. When the children were little there were two books which I simply couldn't read to them without crying. I used to really try and brace myself if they wanted one of these stories read... but to no avail... I could only read half way through, then much to my children's surprise burst into tears. The two books incidently are both by Oscar Wilde "The Happy Prince" and "The Selfish Giant"

If I may respectfully request beloved husband, next time I cry in a given situation, please spank me just as soon as I start crying, so that I can learn to let my emotions go whilst over your knee!

Friday, September 23, 2005

My Confessions

Darling R,

Since keeping a journal as suggested in Lovingdd's blog I can no longer say that I have been obedient. In fact, looking at the entries that I made all week have made me very ashamed...
Please don't be cross with me darling. I can't bear to hurt you now that we are getting close again.

Here is an account of my misgivings and disobedience to you:


  • Did not mow the lawn like you told me to.
  • Neglected our son's student forms
  • Snapped several times at our son, who commented that I'm really grumpy
  • Been lazy and did not do anything in the house
  • Was really bitchy to our daughter when she phoned from school (she was being so nice aswell!)
  • Talked myself out of doing the house due to despondency and depression
  • Promised my HOH that I would do the housework but played bridge all day instead
  • Read more articles from Lovingdd when you told me that doing the house was my priority and we could both read the articles together at the weekend


  • Apologised to both of the children for my appalling behaviour
  • Accepted my 11 o'clock bed time without demur
  • Thanked my HOH for not allowing me more 'Time Out' but having the resolution to carry me through and for taking the time to talk to me when his staff needed him
  • Useing the the word thoughtful as my daily mantra


  • Was messing about with our son using vulgar language and a coarse dialect as a joke without realising that the front door was open and my neighbour was by the gate. She looked most unimpressed!! I feel ashamed that I let the family down with my thoughtless misbehaviour
  • Showed little respect to you when I told our son that I will buy him the latest ipod - even though you blatently told me I couldn't
  • Showed disrespect to you when our son warned me that to buy the ipod would be dishonest if you had not given your consent. I told him that you would never notice anyway being a typical man! thus I undermined your authority in the home! (Really sorry!)
  • By undermining your masculinity I inadvertently showed disrespect to our sons masculinity!


  • Started seriously thinking about the environment and composting kitchen waste. Thus showing respect to your wishes and the environment as a whole.
  • Was respectful to you when you left work to call me privately and deal with my problems. I thanked you and felt really humbled that you took time away from work and your staff to talk to me about my disobedient and childish behaviour.


  • Told our son that we could sneek £179.00 out of the bank account to make up for neglecting to hand in his student forms, thus making life complicated due to my disorganisation. However, even though my intent was noble I clearly did this when you forbade it. Thus, dishohouring you and devaluing your position in the home as HOH.


  • I have told my HOH all my wayward misbehaviour.

I haven't seen you for 2 weeks R. Last week I wasn't so stressed out. This week I have found the simplest of jobs difficult, I am neither sleeping nor eating well. I feel the tension within me rising like a pressure cooker - My mind is racing, all I want to do is have a good cry but I can't...

Please make me cry this weekend R, even if it means having a massive argument. You know that spanking doesn't make me cry... I wish it did... I really wish it did!!

I want to have a happy Christian home laced with good standing moral values. Please help me to achieve this happiness for the sake of ourselves, the children and all our family and friends.


C x

Monday, September 19, 2005

Please be patient with me...

Darling R,
Yes... I do agree with everything you said in your last blog.
Firstly, I would like to talk to you about my lack of total submissiveness. This I find hard darling, but want to please you more than anything else in the world...
Though I'm naturally submissive, the main reason for my difficulty in maintaining it, is my upbringing. All women from my culture are naturally dominant and control everything within the home (including their husbands!) As you well know my role model was not only a control freak but extremely manipulative as well! As a child I only had her example to follow... She made everyone around her unhappy, controlled people with money and if you stood your ground you no longer felt loved( or not as much...)

Truthfully, I hate being in control! Control to me releases an obsessive behaviour such as continuously checking to see if all the doors are locked before leaving the house. Never settling down when we are out... worrying that I may have left the hob on, or window unlocked. Also when we have guests I force more food onto their plates and get stressed if they refuse to eat it... I control you you and wish I wouldn't.... like, what clothes you should wear, what matches with what.... You really upset me when you sneaked off into the jungle in Thailand wearing your brand new M&S shirt which was badly ripped when you got back! Darling this is a learning curve for both of us, if you want me to totally give up my control (which would please us both) then please wear appropriatly old clothes for the garage and garden and not have me stress and nag when I can't get the oil out!

I liken the feeling to losing or giving up my control to the analogy of letting go of the handrail at a swimming pool and venturing into the deep end. You are at the deep end and I know that you will keep us all safe, but what if you don't/can't in a lapse of concentration and we all start sinking as a result? Please understand my darling that I TRULY want to give up control but it will take time... I actually favour the idea of being given an allowance for house keeping. Prior to your affair I was VERY good with money, now I'm not... until you can trust me again I suggest you take all credit cards away from me. Sorry darling, if you think that I'm being disrespectful or bossy or dominant by demanding this... I really don't mean to be ;)

The second issue you raised was that I am spoilt. Yes darling I am, but I don't want to be...
I was spoilt at home and never lifted a finger the cleaner did everything... as a result I LOATH housework more than anything.... I like cooking and gardening because they are creative, but housework? YUK!! But darling, you have continued to spoil me.... I can go, do and buy whatever I want. You never ask any questions....

You are right about my lack of thoughtfulness to others and the state of our planet... You are SO thoughtful darling and I'm so proud of you for that! I will try my VERY best to be more thoughtful and have decided with your permission to buy some different coloured boxes for recycling. I will throw ALL kitchen waste into the compost bin and start some voluntry work (once a week) with the Samaratans.

I will need alot of patience and love, not to mention alot of discipline to break all my bad habits. But I promise you that I WILL put EVERY EFFORT into this. I want so very much to please you and I want you to be pleased with me in return.

Your loving wife,
C xxxxxx

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Where is the submission?

This is an honest and frank blog for which I thank you.

I have read LovingDD on Leadership carefully and some of the other entries as well. I offer you these comments.

The loss of respect you refer to is mutual. I have lost respect in myself as much or possibly more than you have in me. However, I do understand some of what your needs are and you express them well in this blog. There are some flaws, however, so please read on with care.

LovingDD refers to an army scenario. This is an unfortunate analogy for me. You know that I have experienced army life briefly. One of the reasons that I left was that I couldn’t/wouldn’t accept one sided discipline. So you can see why I might be in turmoil about discipline to you, especially about the big things. Recently, however, I have been working through this on my own with good results. Here is what I have come up with.

Firstly, I want to be able to put the past behind us. There are lots of ways to achieve this but for me it is about striving to live in the present and to work towards a positive future. That future now involves a DD relationship that was there all the time but very much hidden and not well understood by either of us. I agree that sites like LovingDD will help. It already has! However, there is a long way to go.

Secondly, I need to be able to decide what discipline you need not you! I understand that you may not have felt loved by my reaction to your flirting but that was my decision and I stand by it. Your HOH also has feelings and wasn’t feeling particularly loved at the time either.

Thirdly, I think you are demanding too much of me without trying yourself. Remember my ground rules? I don’t think so, because I have not seen much effort from you to please me recently. Your submission to me is qualified by what you expect to get yourself. Your HOH is learning to swim and has quite a lot of baggage to deal with. So you need to learn how to submit yourself to your HOH, even if it is not what you expected. Why should I be made to feel inadequate by you with comments like “is he HOH or are you??”, for example? If you were truly trying to please me and submit to my will, you would accept the regime I choose at the time for you. That is not to say that you could not request to talk to me about certain aspects but it should always be from a position of subservience. In return, I have a duty to try to understand your feelings more accurately. You know that this has always been tricky for me so I need your patience not your criticism. You attempt to dominate too much in the hope that I will (or won’t) do something in a particular way. At one level, you are reducing the DD relationship to a game yet you also see (as I do) that it is the saviour of our relationship.

You ask for a harsh regime. Well I agree – you need one, at least for now. I thought that we could achieve a position where you behave well and lovingly most of the time but you need to be broken like a wild horse first. However, I am not enamoured with the emphasis on chores, although they will still exist. What I want from you is more thoughtfulness. This is now your new watchword. I want you to recite it to yourself daily – like a mantra. Use it in your daily life. I will talk to you about this in more detail in person. The reason why I think learning to be thoughtful is so important is because it is your main area of weakness. You have always had a selfish outlook and it has never pleased me. I have always tolerated it in the past, mostly out of a misguided sense of love and thoughtfulness towards you. I now realise that this was a false kindness.

My darling, you are spoilt!

R xxx

The Healing Process

My darling R,
I'm so sorry I've stopped blogging weekly and haven't been doing my chores... in truth I've been somewhat depressed. Coming together again 2 months ago was fantastic to start with (almost like a whirlwind romance) but there was little to sustain it... I simply found that I had lost total respect in you, which is vital for a Ldd relationship. Your affair, child you fathered and constant financial strain from the CSA put a tremendous amount of pressure on me resulting in my bad moods and negative attitude towards you and everyone arround me... you said yourself in the city when I came down to see you but secretly met up with "A" that you no longer knew who I was.... I wanted you to punish me for meeting "A" behind your back but you let me off scott free!! You said that you were too hurt. Firstly, this is no deterrent to further misbahaviours, since I flirted shamelessly at my school reunion... Secondly, I did not feel loved or supported by your nonchelant attitude. I was left cold,isolated and alone!
Perhaps you thought that that should be my punishment, but don't forget that this is EXACTLY the way I was punished as a child and such actions resulted in me getting Expelled from two well known public schools!
I feel the same fustration with you I felt as a child. My behaviour is becoming reckless... did you even know or guess that I have spent £15,000 on eBay in the last 3 years?? Do you even care?? I BEGGED you to block eBay and you don't... our son has offered to do this for you... is he HOH or are you?? I have been feeling like a naughty child who is pushing the boundaries... you are right darling you are far too soft in your DD and you are never consistent. I need strong corrective procedures put in place and the paddle ( my least favoured instrument used when I err.) When I start grimmacing I do not want you to say "It's OK darling, I won't hit you too hard." What kind of punishment is that??
It MUST be hard and long. I want to be able to cry with pain and remorse!!
I have recently read articles which were blogged by Lovingdd. I believe that this wonderful man can help salvage our marriage! Please read ALL his articles especially the one on "Leadership." As far as the healing process goes with me fully respecting you again, then we should do alot of talking... Lovingdd has made me come some way to accepting the situation. Please give me a harsh regime and harsh discipline when needed...Don't feel guilty over your affair and let me off!! It doesn't always have to be a spanking. It could be: Corner time; Being sent to bed at any time; Not being allowed to watch my favourite T.V programme; Doing extra chores; Being grounded etc...
Or for a VERY severe punishment it could be one of the above AND a harsh and painful spanking.

Your loving wife C xxxxx

Thursday, September 01, 2005

My Second Confession To My Husband and The Spanking Punishment...

This confession is a continuation from the first...

After my first severe spanking over the stool we went to pick Z up from school. In the car during the journey (taking about 1 1/2 hrs) R told me of my new regime... no longer would he tolerate my mood swings and try to guess if I wanted/didn't want spanking. He told me that I would get one when I deserved it and if I prevented it he would stop, wait until I was calm and then administer one three times HARDER!! He also told me about the blog, that I would have to write my confessions, fantasies, punishments and feelings for all to read...
R, made it very clear to me that if I was to disobey like this again he would have no option but to photograph my red bottom and add it to the blog for all to see!!!

Well... my secret liaison with 'A' was something that I didn't disclose to my husband. I only told him that I was in correspondence with someone on the internet NOT that we had actually planned to meet for erotic pleasures... I was completely alarmed when R told me that he wanted the password of my email account and read all the correspondence between 'A' and myself.

I waited until R was busy in the garden, then I accessed my emails and started to quickly delete all emails from 'A' apart from the ones at the very beginning which were more of an enquiring nature.

When my husband was ready to read the emails I told him that there weren't very many, since I deleted them as soon as they were read. R grabbed me sternly and asked me to look directly into his eyes. "Are you telling the TRUTH little girl?" He demanded. My husband has always known what buttons to push inorder to find out the truth... I felt the room spinning and my stomach tightened with fear. "No" I admitted, "I deleted them whilst you were in the garden"... I blushed. My husband grabbed my wrist and led me into the computer room. He opened up my account and retrieved the deleted post (I never knew that when you delete something you have to do it twice.. i.e. delete the trash can as well!) OMG, my husband now had access to all the juicy emails between 'A' and myself...

R, quietly got up after reading some of the emails and told me that since Z was now home from school I would have to be taken outside for my spanking. He then marched me out as we made our way towards the park. I felt totally humiliated, since I was sure that people knew or suspected what was about to happen. My face was red, I looked scared, whilst R looked cross and determined!

We must have walked about 4 miles until we came to fields near a riding school. My husband then proceeded to take me to the back of these fields where there was an old fencing post. He told me to stand against the post facing him and confess ALL my wrong doings . I told him every thing about 'A' and how I found it thrilling to imagine exposing myself across another man's knee like that... R then told me to unfasten my jeans and pull them right down to my ankles. Next he told me to face the post, take a step back and push out my bottom as far as it would go whilst keeping both hands on the post. I then heard my husband break a branch of a elder tree which he stripped of all leaves and small twigs, I looked round and saw him biting off the knobbly rough parts with his teeth. The twig was about 1cm in diameter and R then proceeded to 'SWISH' the stick several times for me to hear.
Then the punishment began...
First R spanked me over my panties very hard, then he pulled them right down to meet my jeans and proceeded to CANE me 6 times!!! I NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE EXPERIENCED SUCH PAIN!!!!
I screamed so much that someone was bound to have heard, but at that time I didn't care ALL I could think of was my aching sore bottom!!!

Yes, I had nasty swollen welts all over my rear which have now gone down and have turned a nasty blue colour. However, the lesson in dishonesty has been been well and truly learnt! Thank you darling, for your strength and resile to continuously correct me when required! Sorry to have dissapointed you darling, I shall try my very best not to be dishonest in the future!

My First Confession To My Husband and The Spanking Punishment...

Eight years ago my husband had an affair whilst working in the city, this resulted in a illegitimate child being born and having to pay enormous amounts of money to the CSA (Child support Agency). Such an act affected my whole family since we could no longer afford the very high boarding school fees and the children had to be put into local schools, which had disastrous social, emotional and academic affects on both of them.

During this time I tried to keep the family together, but I totally lost my libido and R and I found that we were drifting further and further apart...
In all my sexual fantasies it was always my husband's face that I saw. I simply couldn't imagine giving myself in total submission to another man... Such a fantasy just wouldn't work, since I had to have certain criteria as a framework inorder to release my sexuality. Namely, total trust, total respect and total love. Without these elements the whole act of giving ones essence over (mind body and soul) wouldn't have been possible!

Recently my libido returned, not just a little but so much that I didn't know how to control my desires... This time, however, it was not my husband's face that I saw but some faceless man spanking me and penetrating me hard.
I decided to buy some interesting "spanking magazines" over the internet and eBay having a good choice I selected and got in touch with the seller. Pretty soon the seller and I started talking about what turns us on about spanking and I found (much to my regret) that I was quite literally telling him my life history. I became like putty in his hands and we made plans to meet up as "school master" and "very willful pupil." Having an attire of various Public School uniforms and having been educated in all girls Catholic Boarding Schools, I planned to make the experience extremely realistic for him.

All this time my husband was working in the city, one weekend I was so turned on by my secret internet affair that I told my husband in the hope of quickly getting my bottom spanked and being made love to. I confessed to my husband about my rendezvous with "A" before he left the city, our marriage was almost over it was all just a matter of time... My husband listened and then told me authoritatively to go to bed and that we would talk in the morning. That night I couldn't sleep, I missed that tone in my husband's voice and was quite scared at what he was planning to do... When he arrived home he made me fetch a small stool and hairbrush and place this in the bedroom. He first told me to sit on the stool and think about two things... A "safe"word (which I have never needed before!) and to compose a meaningful confession. I sat there wondering what he was going to do desperately trying to compose a meaningful confession in my head. He then told me to strip down to just my white silk panties and stand on top of the stool and make the complete confession to him. I felt totally humiliated standing there, since it was about 8 years since we last made love or shared a bed together. It was 8 years since he last saw me naked! After the confession he quietly told me to bend right over the stool and to use the "safe" word if necessary that the punishment he was about to administer would be long and hard lasting 10 min. He first started spanking me with his hand over my panties and then pulled my panties right down and continued to deliver hard slaps with his hand. Suddenly he switched to the hairbrush the pain was immense and my rear felt that it was on fire... For 10 min he continued spanking me in this VERY hard way!! I cried begged and pleaded for him to stop but I did not use the "safe" word since I knew that I thoroughly DESERVED such a sound punishment. When he had finished I thought that I would never regain any feeling from my poor throbbing bottom. It was so sore that I couldn't stand up and walk without making the pain worse! My most comfortable position was to stay bent over the stool with my VERY red bottom sticking out. My husband tenderly helped me to bed where we made very gentle love .
I am so very, very sorry R!