Yesterday, I was emailed by a lady called Jean Gorski, who often writes for Bethany's Woodshed and Spanking Castle. Jean raised this very important question pertaining to whether children should be made fully aware of their parents' Loving Domestic Discipline (LDD) lifestyle. I say that this question is important since I’ve heard the same issues being raised on other sites. Thank you for bringing it to our attention Jean. The very nature of this question does pose rather sensitive issues, especially regarding the 'sexual' connotations of LDD. I shall, therefore, try to answer it as carefully and sympathetically as possible. IS LDD SEXUAL?
There is something very wholesome, innocent and natural about Loving Domestic Discipline. So natural, that from a personal, or communal (LDD) perspective it seems perfectly fine to tell the children.
LDD is natural, so much so, that it is sometimes easy to forget, that it is generally considered, a taboo area within the public spectrum. The reasons for its misconceptions are, its apparent lack of political correctness and its confusion with BDSM and other spanking enclaves - to name but a few. There is nothing at all wrong with BDSM, or other forms of spanking. I am simply trying to stress, that such practises, pivot around sexual matters, which under 18’s must be kept away from (by law), as opposed to LDD, which is not really sexual in its nature at all - (although society does deem it as such!)
LDD is not overtly sexual, but is covertly sexual. When you strip LDD down to its core, you will find that it is broadly an interplay of both masculine and feminine energies. Thus, there is sexuality there, but it is more of a 'hidden' sexuality, which embraces those very strong masculine and feminine vibes. Some people (not all) may experience 'arousal' during disciplinary spankings. Sometimes, people can be attuned to this 'heightened' awareness, by tapping into these energies. Such feelings of arousal, before/during/after punitive or disciplinary spankings, are a classic example of LDD's covertly sexual and vibrant nature. When considering this 'vibrancy,' people who have received this kind of discipline, are only too aware of the profound 'electrical' male/female energy. This energy is encompassed within the synergistic process of shame, humiliation, scolding, CT, reflection, spanking, tears, contrition, repentance and forgiveness. If the 'loving' energies were not at play between the man and his woman then the whole experience would not be so profound. Some girls, may have experienced punitive forms of discipline by school masters who have no love for the punishee. Such punishment is only effective in terms of its pain and shame. However, those very deep and profound feelings based on the interplay of masculine and feminine energies, can only be experienced by the synergistic process of harmonising all the disciplinary aspects together. This is then facilitated through to catharsis and surrender, which can ONLY be experienced within a 'loving' framework.
Perhaps, at this point you may think: Of course LDD is sexual – overtly sexual at that! There is nothing 'hidden' when a man puts his woman over his knee and spanks her bare bottom! However, it is a common misconception to categorise the spankings in LDD, with all other forms of erotic spankings. Loving Domestic Discipline concerns itself, with maintaining peace and love in the home, for the HOH (head of house), wife and children. Punishment spankings are NOT erotic as such, nor are they happily accepted or given. It is crazy to assume, that the HOH will find it erotic to spank his woman, for behaviour which has clearly upset him and the kids. The HOH will do his manly duty, by punishing his woman for her attitudes or misbehaviour, because he loves her and his family. He wants a home based on peace, harmony and love. He may be tired after a stressful day at work and not want to punish his wife – but has to. His wife likewise, would rather do almost anything, than receive a punishment spanking – it is her duty to submit to her husband's authority and accept his teachings.
Other LDD spanking disciplines such as maintenance or pre-emptive are likewise non-sexual. They too concern themselves with either preventing a common misbehaviour from occurring or maintaining good behaviour. This enforces the dominance/submission, thus, enhancing the strong masculine and feminine energies between them.
I hope you will agree that we have established a premise, determining that LDD is not really classed 'sexual' in the traditional sense, (in my opinion at least.) This now poses the question, whether the children should, therefore, be told about the full glory of LDD?
EFFECTS OF TELLING THE CHILDREN:
To examine this question we need to be very clear as to what/how much information we are disclosing. I think most people would agree that it would be plain stupid to allow the children to witness their mother getting spanked. Such an act could undoubtedly cause serious damage to a child psychologically. (Not to mention the fact that it can be misconstrued by society to border on sexual paedophilia!). Another aspect, to consider, is the sheer force required by the HOH to effectively spank his woman to tears. Such a severe spanking would frighten many children. If they witnessed a large number of these spankings, that they eventually become accustomed or immune to such matters, then, this is also extremely unhealthy and psychologically damaging. You are inadvertently teaching your children violence. (Adult spankings are considerably more severe than the spanking of a naughty child – adult spankings are also consensual!) Children’s minds develop at an accelerated rate. They need to learn about themselves, others, the affect they have on others and their position in the world. They will learn language and how to read/write in a very short space of time – their minds are constantly active and act like sponges which soak up any information that is available. If they were witnessing their mother's spankings - this would be non-consensual (since as minors their consent is invalid) such action would be akin to child abuse!
Likewise, if we were to consider simply ‘telling’ them that ‘Daddy spanks Mummy,’ the child would equally have little comprehension, of what adult discipline is all about. Worse still children would mentally categorise the mother, on the same emotional/mental level as themselves. They would grow up having little respect for someone who (in their mind) is naughty, gets sent to the corner, gets sent to bed and gets spanked. It is really not very wise, for a child to see their mother being humiliated (even regarding non-spanking discipline.) They won’t be able to comprehend the interconnection of the very strong masculine and feminine energies.
If there are readers out there, who think that it is perfectly OK to be open with the children. Then don’t be surprised to find that the children hold little or no respect for you and treat you more as their equal than as their adult mother!
As it would be ridiculous, to read chapters of quantum physics to your child every night, so it would be equally ridiculous, to disclose LDD information. Young minds are immature and haven’t the social skills, or comprehension, to accept such information, in either, a contextual or conceptual way.
As far as older children are concerned, should they be told?
Do you seriously think that even the cleverest 17 year old would be able to comprehend such information when the rest of the adult world (including many LDD’ers) are struggling to understand it? Would you disclose sexual information to your adolescent about how to felate and orally satisfy a man? Would you disclose intimate sexual practises which transpire between you and your husband? Strangely enough, your adolescent would probably understand ‘standard’ sexual practises more than LDD. Loving Domestic Discipline in all its simplicity (in practice) is horrendously difficult to understand (in theory). The psychological aspects are deeply profound, confusing and frustrating. I have spent the last 6 months trying to get ever closer to unravelling ‘what it is.’ I have spent all my adult life doing it (or trying to) and longing for something I was clueless about! How on earth would you expect teenagers to just accept such information, when they are constantly being inundated with P.C. related issues on equality? If I don’t understand the complexities behind LDD, how am I supposed to expect that my daughter does? I myself struggle with issues such as; why some women seem to have a deep and intense craving for it and others do not? Perhaps, it really is simply, that, those women who are more intensely attuned to LDD are more feminine in nature? Or perhaps, there are more Freudian explanations, that people who became stuck as infants in any of the first three stages of development – 'oral, anal, phallic,’ would develop an intense need for LDD?EFFECTS OF NOT TELLING THE CHILDREN:
There are so many positive benefits to living a LDD lifestyle, which have a wonderful effect on the children. You needn’t say anything to the children at all, yet the children will benefit, by growing up surrounded by an ethos of family security and love. Those masculine and feminine energies between the man and his woman, will be clearly visible to the children. Those vibes will spread out, so that the children grow secure in the knowledge of what their gender is and how their role will be shaped and developed into adulthood. Like I mentioned before, LDD is a lifestyle which is lived 24/7, it is not an act. This interplay between authority and submission, is not something which can be switched on/off, such as in BDSM or sexual/role play, spanking fetishes or practises. Rather, it exists all the time between a man and his woman. As mentioned previously, the children will of course pick up these energy waves, they will sense LDD, without being told what it is, or what it stands for. Boys will grow up following their father’s masculinity as a role model and guide. Likewise, girls will follow the role model in their mother’s feminine attributes. Boys will learn from their father that a man’s authority is listened to, adhered to and obeyed. Girls will learn that a husband is a solid rock a foundation, in which to place total respect, loyalty and trust. Girls, will learn that the harmony in their household, is largely attributed to their mother being ‘super’ feminine/submissive and their father being the masculine one, who takes on the lead. Such diverse stereotypes, which society has tried to suppress, all in the name of ‘political correctness’ are simply nature at its root. It is very unnatural to fight for the 'same' equality in the home. Men and women ARE equal, but express this equality differently - they both have different 'gender' roles, they express their 'genders' in the way nature has intended.
It would be terribly disruptive for children to grow up watching their parents fight over leadership. Such negativity would have a detrimental effect on their psychological and moral development. Not to mention the utter confusion they would feel, as to what their gender role was. Also, just think of how they would have to constantly fight and bicker, to maintain this misconceived precedence over male/female superiority!HOW THE CHILDREN MAY REACT TO FINDING OUT... YOUR REACTION TO SOLVING IT?
Much younger children, would be more likely to react in a nonchalant way,if you were to be discovered. The beauty of such a young and gullible mind, is that you can cover up your actions by saying almost anything! Pre-school children, have an uncanny habit, of simply accepting everything you say as gospel truth. One year, my son found one of my hiding places, where I was storing his Christmas presents. I can’t remember what I said, but he accepted that these presents were still from Santa!
If you were to be discovered by an elementary school child, the best thing to do is, think of a good excuse, but then don’t overplay it. Children at this age can often think a situation really funny - this can humour them for many days (even though you, probably fail to see anything remotely funny in it!) So, if you are caught ‘red-handed’ (excuse the proverbial pun) and say “Mummy just wanted to see what it would be like for Daddy to spank her,” But you then overplay it by saying things like “Oh, dear!" "Silly, silly, Mummy, for wanting a spanking!” You can guarantee that the next day at school, an innocent remark will be made, to the teacher, on... "How Daddy has been spanking my Mummy and how silly they both are!" Since LDD is generally misunderstood by the public as something either perverted or violent, before you know, the school will have called Social Services to take your child into custody. So, rather than overplay it, quickly go on a family outing to the toy shop, cinema, bowling or McDonalds. You will be amazed how a BIG treat to a small child can very quickly erase any memory of what was previously witnessed!
As far as teenagers are concerned, you can’t (and shouldn’t) pull the wool over their eyes. If you are discovered, then open and frank honesty is usually the best policy.
Some teenagers, may react very badly to finding out about their parents' ‘closeted’ lifestyle. Many teenagers will have their own preconceived ideas of what is ‘acceptable’ sexual behaviour and what isn’t – especially, as far as their parents are concerned!
Sexual exposure is all too common for young people.
As a liberal, but concerned parent, you can only do your best to present your point of view. Our daughter has always discussed sexual matters freely with me (I’m pleased she confides in me!) and I in turn have accepted all she says. I have always emphasised to her that there are no limits to sexual exploration, but ALL exploration can only be considered 'lovemaking' if two people really love each other, otherwise it’s just empty, meaningless, physical sex. A relationship based primarily on romance and non-sexual intimacy. On deep genuine concern, friendship, mutual respect and care are the magic formula in building a solid foundation to any relationship.
Z and I have always been close and have been able to discuss many issues. She once mentioned spanking to me, in a rather disparaging way and told me that any man wanting to do such an act, must be really deranged! On hearing this, I realised that she wasn’t emotionally mature to accept such things. Therefore, her strong reaction, really came as no surprise on discovering our LDD lifestyle! My daughter’s reaction was one of utter disbelief and horror. She had no comprehension, of what it was all about. She saw the Loopy Johnny and my journal lying open and fell into a panic. She initially thought that her parents were into BDSM or swinging etc… She thought, that we would start throwing wild parties, with other people of a similar ilk and become ‘totally weird’ as far as any ‘outward’ appearance went. She felt embarrassed that this weirdness would be accentuated in front of her friends. That the neighbours/church/societies would find out!
I have dealt with Z’s very strong objections to LDD by: Firstly, being weak and withdrawing consent. When I saw Z with 50 razor blade cuts on her wrist, I acted out of instinct and concern for my daughter. I didn’t contemplate whether I should postpone, or withdraw consent. I simply, acted hastily, on my emotional and innate instincts as a mother. Secondly, after re-instating our LDD relationship and thanks to R’s loving guidance we have both shown Z unwavering strength and resolve. We have shown her, that this is OUR life; it is what WE do and what we have done before she was born. Such strong action has really been the best policy. Z doesn’t understand all the complexities behind LDD, nor does she really want too. But, she has come a long way to understanding many of its aspects. She also now realises, that it is not on a par with becoming a ‘swinger’ or anything of that nature!
By and large, Z has now accepted the practical side to LDD. She has even accepted the philosophical side. In one of our discussions, she told me how she can see that the release of tears, caused by the firm discipline from the loving husband, followed by forgiveness and redemption to be deeply emotional, beautiful and profound! The issues Z struggles with are the psychological/sociological issues on equality. No amount of discussion will alter her thinking on this. She believes that the essence of a strong woman is one who has an equally strong man, but is still able to gently manipulate and control him! To some extent perhaps she's right? There is something quite flirtatious and seductive in very gentle teasing and manipulation!
Although, we have ascertained, that Loving Domestic Discipline is not sexual, in the traditional sense, we have also established, that it is generally misunderstood as sexually ‘perverse’ by society at large. It is easier talking about ‘standard’ sexual practises, than it is to talk about ‘disciplinary’ spankings. Such blatant prejudice, displayed by non LDD practitioners, only strives to portray an ever gloomier picture of its merits. This heightened wave of very acute feelings against LDD, strongly illustrates the need to be ever careful, vigilant and closeted as far as the children are concerned!
There are so many copious benefits for children whose parent’s are living this lifestyle. Children will grow with a security and realisation of their gender role and identity. They will benefit from the wave of masculine and feminine energies, which will radiate outwards, in the form of peace, harmony and love. They will be spared the heated arguments and tense atmosphere, which can transpire between many couples who are not living the LDD lifestyle.
It would be wonderful if we could all live together, as one big LDD family, where everything would be open and natural. Unfortunately, society does not accept LDD as ‘natural' and there are relatively few people who practise this wonderful lifestyle. Those that do generally wish to remain anonymous, of fear of being condemned by society. With all this considered, it is generally not advisable to disclose any information to the children.
Even if it this lifestyle was totally accepted and embraced by society, it would still pose as being potentially harmful to children. Children’s minds are still developing. They would not have the social skills, or wherewithal, to comprehend the interplay of strong masculine and feminine energies. It would clearly be psychologically damaging for children to be inundated with a lifestyle, which few adults have the capacity to understand.