R is my leader - I have freely given myself over to a ‘male led’ relationship where R is the HOH (Head of House) and I comply with his decisions. As 'head', my husband has the final say... this does not mean that I do not have my own view point. R values my views and listens intently, sometimes he acts on my advice/opinions and sometimes not. In the end, the final decision is always R’s to make. R’s position as head and leader of our family, does not make me feel less valuable – we simply have differing gender roles.
There are SO many benefits to living a Loving Domestic Discipline relationship... too many to name. One such benefit, is that this lifestyle unlocks something very deep within my womanhood. This lifestyle makes me feel so VERY feminine. The constant inter-play of masculine and feminine energies is very apparent between us. I feel R’s masculinity pour over me - I ‘tingle’ when he instructs me to do something. I ‘tingle’ when he gives me a bed-time or some other loving limit – I want to please him SO much! I love being cradled in this protective environment of warmth and love. The fact that he is holding me accountable for my actions and modifying my behaviour is enveloping me, in a very deep sense of security. It’s making our relationship cement and stand firm against life’s obstacles.
I love being told I’m a ‘good girl,’ I ‘tingle’ with such pride, which wells deep from inside me. I also ‘tingle’ in a shameful way, when R scolds me and calls me a ‘bad girl’ or 'naughty' – I feel his masculinity, I feel the exchange of our masculine and feminine energies, I feel his disapproval, his power, his authority, intermingled with my fear, guilt, shame and anticipation... The vibes from these two opposing energies draw out the very feminine aspect of my womanhood.
The inter-play of energies emphasises our unique masculine/feminine natures... On one hand, when I misbehave, I feel so hurt in witnessing R's disapproval, as my stomach knots in fear, I feel quite nauseous. On the other, when I'm good, I blossom and thrive on R’s approval and praise. When I behave badly, I never feel at ease, until I have felt the firmness of his hand (or implement) as he strikes my bared bottom and corrects my misbehaviours – always out of love, never anger or resentment. I never feel at ease, until I have been soundly spanked through my tears, forgiven and redeemed.
If I misbehave when friends, family or visitors are present, I 'blush' and 'tingle' with a mixture of dread and ‘covert’ sexuality when R has had reason to whisper his reprimand sternly in my ear, or calls me by my nick-name ‘K.’
When others are present and R is forced to call me ‘K’ in public, I feel such humility. No one else knows, that R is warning me to turn my misbehaviour around. At such times, I often suspect that they do know, since the result of R’s warning makes me blush and go very quiet...
Calling R ‘Sir’ during my discipline emphasises these gender roles and makes me feel very feminine. It emphasises R’s masculine role as head and leader. Calling R ‘Sir’ also emphasises my submission towards him – I ‘tingle’ in surrender when I call R ‘Sir.’ I ‘tingle’ from the very core of my womanhood – this inter-play of our genders - the ‘covertly’ sexual nature of these energies, results in drawing out and acutely outlining, our very diverse masculine and feminine roles.
Calling my HOH ‘Sir’ also allows me to prepare for punishment in a more submissive, subdued and contrite frame of mind. It allows me to acknowledge, his deep masculine authority and feel the deep shame my misbehaviour has caused. As I await my punishment, in the corner naked, or in some other humiliating position, I feel very humbled and feminine. Feeling humbled and feminine, allows me to explore my shameful misbehaviour - it allows me to let go of 'some' of my fear and receive my punishment in a calmer state of mind. Such a calm state of mind (without too much panic) allows me to reach catharsis and surrender to the severity and pain of my spanking. It is catharsis, which allows me to overcome the pain-threshold. If I cry before my spanking, R knows that my discipline will be very effective and I should reach catharsis quite quickly. R never stops, but continues spanking me through my catharsis, until he knows that those deeper repressed emotions, have come up to the surface and been dispelled.
I call my husband ‘Sir’ not because he demands it, but because he has earned it. I respect my man with my life and totally surrender to him with my body, heart and soul. Calling R ‘Sir’ has not been easy for him to accept – titles go against the principles of his religion. R has given me this gift, so that it helps me on my journey, to becoming a deeply submissive, respectful, honest, obedient and very feminine woman.
I plan our trips, our vacations away. But R, as the head, has the authority to cancel our plans at a moment's notice. He doesn’t do this in a nasty, mean or revengeful sort of way; there is always a very good reason behind his actions. As a submissive wife, I have SO much to learn. I have only just started my journey in submission, even though we have been practising Domestic Discipline since before our marriage.
I am terribly ashamed to admit that when R cancelled our trip to Africa (for very good reasons – which I was too stubborn to see at the time) I did not take the news well. In fact, not taking the news well was an understatement! My actions, hateful words and disrespect towards him came out in a huge outburst of emotion! I even emailed another LDD’er to tell her all about my horribly mean husband! This other lady who has given me inordinate amounts of support emailed back saying... “But, you both seem so happy in your blog?” To which I responded, “That was yesterday, today I hate him! I hate him for the promise of a Christmas present (Africa) which has never materialised!”
I feel sorry for bothering my friend with such trivia and inadvertently showing her disrespect too - by unleashing all my negative energies on her. I am also sorry to R for not submitting to his decisions gracefully and for displaying such utter disrespect and childish behaviour. R wants me to post these events under the heading of “Severe Bratting” I said I would do this, but have not yet plucked up the courage. Although, I do think, from an ‘informative’ perspective it may dispel the notion (to some non-LDD practitioners) that ‘bratting’ is some myth, fallacy or at best play-acting!
The really bad thing about R being away again, is that instead of remembering the good times, my mind is frequently reminded of the hurt my misbehaviour caused him. Even the severe spankings haven’t taken the guilt away. R thinks it’s silly to be guilty and wants the whole episode forgotten about – although, he does say that feeling such intense guilt, is a very good thing, since he is very sure that I have learnt a valuable lesson!
From an intimately, personal perspective, Loving Domestic Discipline has unlocked something deep within my 'unconscious,' my 'soul,' my 'womanhood.' It has captured the essence of who I am - it has captured my 'femininity.' Other people will no doubt hold other feelings, experiences or beliefs. This is only natural, we are all different and human emotions are complex. I have never discriminated against anyone and recognise that the deep feelings I possess may deeply irritate or offend some people. I can only apologise for this...